Anyway, Doc, I got this thing.
It's, uh, got to do with women.
Well, I sense you're having trouble finding Miss Right.
What, are you nuts? I meet Miss Right most every night! Eager young college girls, tough career women hungry for a little R-and-R, if you know what I'm saying Well, you're leaving precious little room for misinterpretation.
But I sense, despite these frequent dalliances, that you're still not truly happy.
Well, sure I am.
It's just that I lost a pinky ring in one of their houses.
Star sapphire, beautiful thing.
I figured if I went public with it on your show I had a pretty good chance of getting it back.
Well, Vinnie, it's obvious you know nothing about this show, or how to treat women.
But even more appalling, you know even less about jewelry! A pinkie no more needs a ring than a neck needs a gold medallion! - Just shoot me, why don't you? - I'd be delighted! We'll be right back after this.
Hi, Dr.
Crane.
- He's driving me crazy! - Well Roz, we can't all choose our admirers.
It's gone way beyond the admiring stage.
Have you seen this petition he's got going around? It's to the talented producers of Star Trek suggesting a new character.
"The all-powerful space vixen Rozalinda!" Four-breasted queen of the planet Rozniak! I'll sign that.
Well, Roz, television will never improve unless the viewers speak out! Thanks.
I'd better go.
- Well, live long and prosper! - Oh, just go! I am the joke of the station.
When I used to come in the morning the guard would say,"Morning, Roz".
Now it's "All hail, Rozalinda!" Roz, I think you should be flattered.
Noel's attempt to immortalize you is-is akin to a love poem written by Robert Browning to his wife.
Did he ever write a poem where he gave her two extra breasts? Well, I'd have to check my English Lit notes, but I think not, no.
Hello? Yes? Niles, Niles, slow down, I can hardly understand you! - What is it? - Maris is missing! What? No, I don't think you should drag the koi pond! Listen, I'll be right over! All right, just hang tight! - Roz, Roz, how much time left in the show? - No, you go, do whatever you have to do.
I'll handle things here.
- You're sure you can manage? - If I can nurse quadruplets and still find time to rule Rozniak, I can do anything! - All right, what's going on? - Yeah, Maris is really gone.
- I'm on the phone with the station right now.
- Apparently she just vanished.
No note, nothing.
- Oh, Frasier, thank God you're here.
- Any news, Dr.
Crane? No, no, I asked the neighbors if they'd seen any strange cars in the neighborhood.
One reported spotting something called a "minivan.
" But that was weeks ago! Well, there's no need to panic, Niles.
I'm sure she's all right.
Oh, dear me I don't want to alarm you Dr.
Crane but I'm getting a very strong vibration off this.
She's waving this poker around and screaming,"You thief! Get out! - You'll never get away with this! - Wait No, I remember.
That's what she said to the decorator when he tried to double-bill her for the andirons.
I was wondering why the intruder was wearing Toreador pants.
Yeah, Mike, I'm still here.
Yeah, that's right, she's been missing three days.
Uh,excuse me? She's been missing for three days and you're just panic-stricken now? I only just realized it.
The last two nights, I knocked on Maris's bedroom door to wish her goodnight and I was greeted with a chilly silence so, naturally I assumed everything was status quo.
Uh, thin.
Make that VERY thin.
Caucasian.
VERY Caucasian.
Oh God, what could be happening to her? Oh, wait, wait, you got something? O.
K.
, uh-huh, O.
K.
Mike ran a check on Maris's credit cards, there's been a whole bunch of charges in New York.
Oh, God.
She's been kidnapped.
Someone's using her credit cards.
Yeah, O.
K.
, slow down.
Armani Valentino Cartier Tiffany - Any restaurants? - Any restaurants? Not a one.
She's alive! - Oh, Niles! You're certain! - Oh, yes! From that list, she's recreating her infamous "Sakes alive, I'm thirty-five" shopping spree! O.
K.
, Mike, thanks a lot.
Yeah, I owe you.
Bye.
- Oh, Dr.
Crane, I'm so relieved.
- Oh, so am I.
I'm exhausted.
I was so scared.
Frasier? What's wrong? You look positively uncelebratory.
Aren't you glad Maris is O.
K.
? Of course I am.
It's just that well, here you are, all panic-stricken and scared to death, and she's off on some shopping trip! Don't you find that the least bit upsetting? Yes, I suppose her behavior was a tad inconsiderate.
- Well, she left without so much as a note or a phone call! - Frasier, stay out of this.
It's between Niles and his wife.
You know, I'm sorry, Dad, but this is not the first time we've experienced Maris's selfish behavior! She always puts her needs above his! She never attends family functions! Doesn't that make you angry? Well, over the years I've learned to accept Maris's eccentricities.
- Oh, she's not being eccentric.
She's being arrogant and selfish! - If he says he's not angry, he's not angry.
- And even if I were angry, what would you have me do? - Let it out! Well,I am letting it out! I'm getting hives! Well, that is a triumph of self-expression! why don't you just let out some of the words that you're dying to say? Oh God, I am so sick of you and your relentless psychobabble! A-ha! You're not angry at me! That was directed at Maris! Nope, that was for you! This is for Maris! Whoa! O.
K.
, all right, Niles, now you got it out of your system! Yes, but it felt so good! Let me do one more! All right, Niles, this is good, this is healthy! But you've got to channel it! You must talk to Maris! Oh no, wait! That's beautiful! Here, this one's hideous! - Hey, I gave him that for a wedding present! - Well, all right, here! Dios Mio! Oh, Marta! This feels wonderful! You must try it! I meant at your house.
- Oh my God, it's Maris! - Maris?! What?! - You said she was in New York! - Well, I don't know, she probably flew back! All right, all right, no one panic, there's an easy solution to this! Frasier, bash me on the head with this, we'll tell Maris there was a break-in! Niles, Niles, stop it! - God, you are the damaged party here, not Maris! - But-but-but-but the mess! This mess is the physical manifestation of years of repressed anger! It's time to draw a line in the sand and say,"I have had enough!" My God, man, show her your mess! You're right.
It's time I told Maris I will not tolerate this behavior.
I'm going up there and I'm going to demand an apology! Good for you! I always hated that dynasty.
- How're you feeling, Mr.
Crane? - I'm fine, I wish you'd quit asking me.
Well, it's a reasonable question for a man who just ate a cut of prime rib the size of a hatbox.
Well, whose fault's that? You're the one who was too embarrassed to walk out with a doggie bag.
For what it cost, that meat was coming with me, one way or another! Goodness, we've been gone three hours.
Probably have a dog with a full bladder in there.
Lord, let's hope so.
Hey, Daphne, how do you feel about taking him for a walk? I just want to get in there and unbuckle my pants since I wasn't allowed to at the restaurant! Oh, sure.
We all know how Eddie needs his exercise.
we wouldn't want all that fatty meat he eats clogging up his aging arteries until his poor old heart gives out.
Oh and, uh, why don't you pick up some half-and-half at the corner store too? Get moving, old man! - There y'are! - Niles? Sorry to startle you, I let myself in.
Want a beer? No.
I have to thank you for putting me in touch with my anger.
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