Now look, Sparky.
I know you don't want to take any money for helping me.
But at least let me make a donation to your favorite charity.
Well it was my duty, not to mention a pleasure, to help you.
But if you'd like to donate something, why don't youselect a charity of your own choosing? Fair enough.
Good.
Excuse me.
Hello, Niles.
You know, it's not to late to ask them to put a big blue ball in front of your face during the broadcast.
Perhaps spare you some shred of your reputation.
I'd laugh in your face but I'm saving my voice.
Oh my God! You're wearing makeup! I am not! This is medication.
Something my dermatologist recommended.
Dr.
Revlon? These feeble attempts to undermine my confidence are futile.
The testimony I've prepared is nothing short of brilliant.
I cite half a dozen studies of gerontology.
I quote everything from the Bible to Herodotus.
I deftly interweave humor with pathos.
You may want to take notes.
And if you had an ounce of self-awareness you would realize that your diagnosis was colored by your zeal to put your face in front of that camera.
Oh, by the way, your medication is rubbing off on your collar.
All rise.
Court is in session.
Judge Richard McCarron presiding.
Hello, your honor.
Be seated.
Good morning.
Has everyone been sworn in? Yes, your honor.
Well, I see we have two Dr.
Cranes testifying today.
Mr.
Giroux, I think we'll hear from your authority first.
I assume the other Dr.
Crane has no objection to that arrangement? None whatsoever, your honor.
I'm over here, Dr.
Crane.
Your honor, I would not presume to bore the court with a recitation of dry statistics, gerontology studies, obscure literary references.
Instead, I intend to speak from the heart.
I worry about a society that has chosen to define normalcy in such narrow terms that if someone's behavior deviates ever so slightly, we question his capacity to function.
Mr.
Safford's seeming eccentricities - his love of trains, his generosity - they can all be readily explained.
Diabetes! Mr.
Safford? I was talking to Sparky.
Uh Did you say diabetes? Yes.
We'll donate the money to diabetes.
Those poor people can't eat sugar! Fine.
.
fine.
Uh we'll, uh we'll talk about it afterwards.
May we continue, Dr.
Crane? My apologies, your honor.
Mr.
Safford and I were discussing a very sizable donation he intends to make later today to a very worthy cause.
I guess his enthusiasm just got the best of him.
But, it is this very generosity that his son finds so objectionable.
That, and the fact that he did hop a freight train across the country.
But, you see, what he sees as unstable, I see as romantic.
I I don't suppose there's a railroad track outside the courtroom? Uh doesn't Mr.
Safford deserve to be a bit of a free spirit after the years of his demanding career? A career in which he wore many hats.
Um the hat of a father, a philanthropist, a C.
E.
O All aboard! All aboard! Get your tickets ready.
Have your tickets ready, please.
Have your tickets ready.
In the end, it all comes down to this: can we really condemn a man for maintaining a childlike joie de vivre even in his twilight years? All aboard for the Coast Express.
Yes, making stops in Tacoma, Olympia, Portland and Salem.
And the next stop is I think I know where your next stop is going to be.
Now, look, Niles.
Before you start gloating, let me just say this.
You were right, I was wrong.
Big deal.
The world never got a chance to hear me be right.
I suppose by now it's obvious that what you were saying all along was true.
I do envy your fame.
Well, perhaps this public humiliation will cure me of my damned competitiveness.
Oh, don't worry about it.
I humiliated myself far more than you did today.
Obviously, you didn't see the way I was whoring after that TV camera.
Obviously, you didn't see how I was tap dancing up there like an organ grinder's monkey.
Yes, well, I might as well have been tarred and feathered.
I might as well have been pilloried in the town square.
I might as well have been stripped naked and forced to Oh, stop it, Niles! We're doing it again! Niles, you have no reason to feel badly.
Everyone wants to be recognized for something they're good at.
And you are a good psychiatrist.
Thank you, Frasier.
Something I can't really lay claim to after today.
How could I have so misjudged that man? Well, he's undeniably charming for one thing.
And he can be lucid for long stretches of time.
Yes, but you weren't fooled.
Somehow, you picked up on some tiny clue that I missed.
You remember what it was? Yes.
Midway through our interview he took off his trousers and tried to put them on the cat.
Well, I'd like to think that I might have picked up on that one too.
Still Frasier, you've always approached life with a positive attitude.
It's a quality I admire of yours.
Perhaps your judgment was clouded by your desire to see old age not as a time of inevitable decline, but as a time when one's childhood passions and fantasies can be reborn.
Thank you, Niles.
You know what would cheer me up right now? What? I would like to hear that summation you never got a chance to give.
Really? Yes.
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