This is Dr.
Frasier Crane, KACL, 780.
Frasier, that was security.
Some woman insisted on seeing you, she just blew right past them.
Oh, don't panic, Roz  probably just one of my more ardent fans.
Niles, we've got to talk! It's urgent.
Frasier, I'm with a patient! - Is, uh, this about a woman? - Yes.
Take all the time you need.
- Well? - She's back the scourge of my existence.
Strange, I usually get some sign when Lilith is in town  dogs forming into packs, blood weeping down the wall.
I'm talking about Diane Chambers.
Lucille, send Mr.
Carr home.
She just showed up at the station today.
Apparently some play she wrote is being produced here in town.
I admit, I just sort of panicked when I saw her, but I think I covered it masterfully.
All right, all right, all right.
Well, uh, why do you think you reacted that way? Oh, spare me the psychiatrist bit, Niles.
That includes putting down the pad! In the drawer, Niles! Fine.
My first question to you is this: Are you still in love with her? No! Not in the least! It's a ridiculous suggestion.
Seeing as how I have nowhere to write the phrase, "classic denial," I'll move on.
So, about this woman for whom you have so little feeling that you raced across town and burst into one of my sessions  is there any lingering resentment? Over what?! Well, she did leave at the altar.
When you told her how that made you feel, was there anything you left unsaid? Any phrase or feeling you wished you had expressed to her? I'm making the assumption here that you did tell her how you felt.
I sort of did.
"Sort of" is another one of those phrases that just wants to go in my pad.
I expressed my distaste for the way I'd been treated, yes.
Frasier, she rejected you in the most debilitating way a man can be rejected.
You've got to more than "sort of" tell her how that felt.
Well, I can't just tell Diane how awful she made me feel now! It's a distant memory for her.
I'd feel weak! You have no reason to feel weak.
You've moved on in your life too.
You have a new career, new wealth, new success.
You simply need closure in this one area.
- You know, what you just said made a lot of sense.
- You're going to get closure.
No, that business about my success! I tuned you out after that.
I'm going to invite Diane over for dinner tonight, and I'm really gonna flaunt my success, really rub her nose in it! That'll prove I'm not just some cast-aside that never got over her.
Niles, I know it's not psychologically sound.
But we're still human.
We have to do what feels good sometimes, don't we? I'd just like to be on the record as saying I'm against it.
- Fine.
- You know the path that leads to peace with Diane and you're rejecting it.
- Yes.
- I'm washing my hands of the entire matter.
- Wouldn't miss it for the world though, would you? - I'll be there at seven with a cheeky Bordeaux.
No, no, no.
Daphne, I was very specific about this.
The mayor's plaque goes on the piano The Otis Klandenning "Man of the Year Award" goes right over here And my jewel  my SeaBea  goes right here where she can't miss it! Hmm, that seems a bit subtle.
- Why don't I just use this to serve the olives? - Give me that! I wish someone would just tell me who this woman is, and why we're trying to impress the pants off her.
She's a one-time Boston barmaid who had a nervous breakdown and ended up in a sanitorium, where I met her, fell for her,.
.
and then was so mercilessly rejected by her that to this day there is a sucking chest wound where once there dwelled a heart! You remember my brother Niles, my father Martin, and this is his health-care worker, Daphne Moon.
- What a tasteful abode.
- Well, it's modest in its way.
No, that's what I like about it.
After the rambling beach house I've been living in, I'm ready for something smart and efficient.
White wine, Diane? I'm pouring an '85 Montrachet La Guiche I purchased at auction.
Oh, I always keep a bottle of that open myself.
Hang this up! Well, Martin, it's been too long.
How have you been? Well, my wife died, I got shot in the hip, and I had to move in with Frasier 'cause I kept falling down in the shower.
Well, you look wonderful! Yes, you do! That's the bad one.
Niles, do you remember the last time I was in town and we dined together? You had just started dating this woman  she was the queerest little creature.
She ate everyone's sorbet, and then she had to lie down in the ladies' lounge while the coat-check girl massaged her abdomen! Oh, I hope I haven't put my foot in it.
You and she didn't get married and live happily ever after, did you? No, can't say as we did.
- Care for an olive? - Oh, thank you.
These are a Pyreenean taste treat! They're handpicked and bottled by Andalusian monks! You can spit the pits in here.
So, there I was, on the balcony of my Malibu beachhouse, when a pod of whales passed by.
I knew I had to commune with these gentle giants, so like a flash, I was on the beach, scrambling to my kayak.
But cruel fortune interceded, when, not twenty yards offshore, I suddenly discovered myself entangled in an enormous bed of-of, um - Sea kelp? - Exactly right, sea kelp! Oh, that's funny  I thought he said "seek help.
" So, you haven't told us how you've come to be in Seattle.
Oh, a small theater group has decided to produce a play I've written.
- Which one? - Oh, my most recent work.
It's a sort of feminist odyssey, experimental in places, in tone akin to Saroyan, with a soupçon of Gide, and a hearty nod to Clifford Odets! I meant which theater? - Oh! The Roundabout.
- That seems appropriate.
You know, why don't you people just keep talking amongst yourselves? I will go and fetch the profiteroles.
They were prepared by the hottest new pastry chef in oh, what's the use? I'll help.
He always overpowders.
Yeah, I'm sure Old Man Kennedy felt this kind of pride when his boys would go out and play touch football.
Now, Frasier, you know her better than I.
Is that what she looks like when she's writhing in envy? Oh, shut up.
All right, I admit you were right.
Before she leaves here tonight, I am going to tell her how much pain she made me feel.
The savage truth this time  there will be no sugarcoating it! And yes, I am aware of the irony! Oh, it must be wonderful to see your words come to life like that.
Oh yes.
It's a dream come true.
- Diane, are you OK? - Yes, I'm fine.
Why? - Well, your cheek was kind of twitching.
- It was? - Oh well, it was probably fatigue.
Where were we? - Oh, I was asking about your play.
- Oh, right! - There it goes again, the twitch! That was either a very large twitch or a very small seizure.
You know, I'm not sure how much I really want to talk about my play right now.
Bad luck and all that! Yes, and we all know what a struggle it is to get Diane to talk about herself.
Oh Frasier, you always could kid! How I miss that! Look, Diane, please, I-I really didn't mean anything by it.
I'm sorry It's not that! It's my whole life, it's ruined! - Niles, could you please get her some water? - Of course, of course.
Oh, everything I told you tonight is a lie.
I'm sorry for this.
- Oh, I must look just awful.
- Your cheek stopped jumping.
All right, now.
Tell me what happened.
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