This is Dr.
Frasier Crane.
We'll be right back after this.
OK, after this spot we're gonna come back in 15 seconds, you do a station ID and then toss it to the news.
I'll count you down.
That won't be necessary.
I have a built in mental stopwatch.
As a child playing "Hide and Go Seek" I was the only one who didn't need to say, "One Hippopotamus Two Hippopotamus.
" Frasier, I've heard you.
You're always either talking into the news or running short.
I am not! I'll bet you 20 bucks you blow this one.
All right, you're on.
No, you are.
Hello, we're back.
This is Dr.
Frasier Crane tuning in for our second hour on the "Dr.
Frasier Crane Show.
" In our first hour we covered everything from anorexia to xenophobia.
What will be next? As always of course that's entirely up to you.
So stick around ?the Doctor is in and he's listening.
Ooh, this is KACL 780 AM This is nbc news.
.
That was very smooth.
Thank you.
Oh, let's see.
ÂOne Andrew Jackson, Two Andrew Jackson? Look Frasier, I've been getting a lot of complaints from sponsors saying that their ads are getting buried in huge commercial blocks.
I see.
So instead of having four blocks per hour we're going to have eight only they're only going to be half as long.
I thought it might help you.
And you want to stay on top, don't you, Frasier? Frasier? Of course, very much so, yes! Good.
Frasier, what was that? What was what? Call me crazy, but when you were talking to Kate you had this goofy little teenage look on your face.
If I didn't know better, I'd swear you got a thing for her.
For Kate? mm-hmm.
Look at you.
You're flushed.
I had Mexican for lunch.
It's not lust ?it's a Chimichanga.
Frasier, I'm sorry but I'm never wrong about these things.
Have you lost your mind? Look me in the eye and tell me I'm wrong.
Roz, you're wrong.
Oh my God.
I'm sitting on a powder-keg here.
You've got a crush on Kate! Stop it.
Everybody knows you are the biggest gossip in the entire station.
You'll be sworn to secrecy.
I swear I won't tell anyone.
No, it doesn't count until you shake my hand.
Oh, all right.
Roz, Kate and I Oh my God! Kate's "Dirty Girl"! Kate is the woman you had sex with on the air in this booth and you were calling "Dirty Girl"? Oh my God! I just need a minute here Alright.
Of course it happened months ago.
Only a couple of times.
Roz: Uh-huh.
Our relationship started out so antagonistic.
Then suddenly it just spilled over into passion.
Intense, romantic, exciting the whole thing's over now, but Roz, you will say nothing, absolutely nothing Roz? Roz? Boy, I'll never do that again! I notice you're grating that carrot at a 45-degree angle.
Does that enhance the flavour? No, no.
Just an old habit.
And why exactly did you choose to grate carrots? Because we have carrots! I hope you don't mind all the questions.
It's just now that I'm separated I'm going to have to learn to cook for myself.
Quite alright.
Tell you what.
Why don't you grate while I put the chicken in? Thousands of little metal teeth able to tear the flesh right off your No, no, false alarm.
Normally I bleed like the Russian royal Family, but not today.
That's Interesting.
You put a toothpick in that chicken.
Now, is that to check when it's done? No, no.
I'm just marking which one is yours.
Dr.
Crane, would you mind setting the table? Oh, certainly.
Just give a yell if there's anything else that you need to have grated.
You've done enough grating for one night! Writing a letter? No, I'm writing my memoirs! I'll take that as a Yes.
My old army buddy.
You know that's the improper use of a hyphen.
Somehow I don't think Maurie Dingman will mind.
Then I'm sure he won't notice that missing comma and that run-on sentence.
Although this is a particularly glaring error.
It's best not to end a sentence with a preposition.
Not to be technical, but "Off" is a preposition too! Evening all.
Good news.
I have tickets for the symphony tomorrow night.
Are you free? Well, actually no.
I have a date.
With who? Some woman I met at my accountant's.
Yeah, when I was in the service ? first thing I'd do when I hit a new port was go straight to an accountant and find out where the action was.
I must admit I'm having a little trouble working up my enthusiasm about it.
Only the woman's fault.
It's just that I find myself preoccupied with somebody else right now.
Well, frankly, it's gone a bit beyond preoccupation.
I'm having fantasies about her all the time.
Well there's nothing wrong with that.
You know, when I first met your mother she was so upbeat and bouncy I used to fantasize about her wearing a skimpy little cheerleader's outfit, shaking her pom-poms Grow up you two! I'm just saying it's perfectly natural.
I can't tell you the number of times I was on a stake-out in the cold picturing your mother in front of a warm fire wearing nothing but a Frasier/Niles: DAD!!! Oh, I'm sorry.
One day your mother and I went on a church picnic and the two of you came floating down the river in little wicker baskets! Was that so hard? You know, I'm beginning to wonder if I have real feelings for this woman? I mean I think about her all the time.
Ooh this sounds interesting.
Who are we talking about? Kate from the office.
Oh, "Dirty Girl.
" She seemed nice.
She is nice.
Intelligent, accomplished.
Well, if you think so much of her why don't you ask her out? Well, we agreed we wouldn't pursue things.
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