'It's not that I don't like him.
'But he's gotten so attached.
'I mean, roses every day after two dates! ' Maggie, first thing you have to do is sit Gavin down for a nice long conversation.
Tell him frankly that, though he wants to go at one speed, you need to go at another.
Tell him you're not rejecting him, you are fond of him, but I wonder what Roz, my non-PhD-holding producer, thinks you should do.
Any guy who's that clingy after two dates has a major insecurity problem.
I say, "Dump him.
Now.
And don't look back.
" 'It's so good to hear that, Roz.
'That's what I wanted to do, but I felt so guilty.
Thanks so much.
Bye.
' That takes us to a commercial.
This, for those who have forgotten, is the Dr Frasier Crane Show.
I confirmed your dinner reservation for three.
At your father's request, that's at Chez Shrimp.
Two letters to sign - a card for Clarence, the guard, we're all signing, and a notice on the KACL bowling team that I'll file in the trash.
Oh, wonderful.
Another card.
I, as resident wit, will have to be clever.
At least I've got another KACL birthday bash to look forward to.
I can just taste that frozen cake now and hear wild applause as an adult snuffs out a handful of tiny candles.
- What are you grousing about? - Oh, nothing.
Yes, the pageantry never stops.
Mr Fancy Pants.
- He's got to buy a German car.
- It's not my fault we broke down.
If you'd bought American, they could fix it here.
I always buy American so you can go to the nearest garage.
I could break down alone in the middle of Alaska! A thought to raise all our spirits.
This traffic is murder.
We could walk, but humidity may ruin my loafers.
Does calfskin pucker? Yes, that's why on humid farms, the calf is the most made fun of of all the animals.
Don't be snide.
We'll be here for a while.
Let's try and make pleasant conversation.
We are a family.
It shouldn't be that hard.
Have you been driving long? - Not really.
- Got any good stories? Ever hear of a woman having a baby in a cab? - It's a classic.
- Why? Did that happen in this cab? - It's about to.
- You're pregnant? Yes.
Ow! Don't panic.
It may be false labour.
My waters just broke.
I'm in a puddle of water.
Calfskin! - Closest hospital is First Methodist.
- We'll never make it.
Pull over! - Try to park facing downhill.
- Niles! - I can't have my baby here.
- There's no need to be concerned.
We are trained medical professionals.
Niles, help her! - Hurry! - I know.
The other door! Oh, for goodness sake! Is anybody there? Come in! It's most important to breathe deeply.
Do as I do.
- Do you feel faint or short of breath? - Yes, both of those.
- 'Hello? Go ahead.
' - Yes, I'm calling from cab No 804.
This is an emergency.
Your driver just went into labour.
We're at the corner of 14th and Sycamore.
- We need an ambulance now.
- 'OK.
' - It hurts.
- It's natural.
- No, you're squeezing my hand.
- I only did this once in medical school.
I remember lots of blood and a lino floor hurtling toward my forehead.
- You fainted? - Switch places and see how you do! Good God, Niles! I'll do this! - The baby's really coming now! - When he does come, I'll catch him.
Just continue with your breathing.
Don't feel guilty for having a baby in a cab.
Nothing to be ashamed of.
Many great Americans have been born this way.
Cab Calloway comes to mind.
I'm a psychiatrist.
I specialise in the head, not the lower body.
It's less messy that way.
Not that your lower portion is messy.
It's beautiful.
Not that I'm looking! - Is the pain that bad? - No, you're driving me crazy! Move it out, come on! - You a doctor, too? - No, a retired cop.
Well what took you so long? It's really hurting.
Everything's going to be just fine.
I've delivered a few babies, and some are older than you are now.
Frasier will hold your hand, Niles will look out for an ambulance and I'll help your beautiful baby out.
OK? - OK.
- Are there any questions? Should our meter still be running? Hello? Are you back yet? Well, go on, turn your heads.
OK.
So I guess you've had some excitement tonight.
No, I haven't! Your father made it sound exciting on the phone: delivering a baby in a taxi.
I see that not as excitement but as my duty to use the skills I honed in medical school.
Yes, Niles ran to a falafel stand for a pot of hot water.
I can't get over the feeling of being there when a person's life begins.
One minute, it's a blob inside some lady, next minute, it's a person.
Blob - person.
The miracle of birth summed up in one poetic phrase.
I bet you have fond memories of your son's birth.
Oh, yes, of course.
The first time I held him in my arms as a newborn, it was as if everything else simply melted away.
There was just a father, a son and the distant sound of Lilith saying, "If you come near me again, Frasier, I'll drop you with a deer rifle!" At least now fathers see their sons being born.
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