Actually, I ended up at the Oregon border check.
I had fruit in the car, so I had to turn back.
What will I do? She's my whole life.
She may have temporarily succumbed to Gunnar's Teutonic charms, but in the end I'm sure she'll choose the man who's intelligent and sensitive.
Frasier, that's just something we used to tell ourselves in chess club.
The truth is women don't want men of intellect.
They want men of action, like Gunnar.
It has nothing to do with Gunnar.
It's about you and Maris.
Remember your advice when I had problems with Lilith? You said I should talk to her and find out why she did what she did.
It's one thing to give advice, another to take it.
Frase, didn't you and Lilith write articles on the keys to a successful marriage? - Yes.
- It might help Niles to read them.
Well, all right.
I've only got half.
Lilith got the rest in the divorce settlement.
Now that we got rid of the foghorn, here's the way to handle it.
Remember this happened between your mother and I? - Right.
- Well, I took it up with the other man.
I told him if it ever happened again, he'd be the other woman.
There was a lot more that we had to do to keep our marriage together, but at least she knew how much I cared.
Should I grab Gunnar by the scruff of the neck and throw him out? - Why not? - I've been fantasising about it.
It's just not me, though.
Although maybe it should be me.
No, I've got to speak to Maris eventually.
Although, if I do it your way, I'm going at it from a position of strength.
I'll do it, Dad.
Tonight it's Gunnar who will be taught a lesson.
- That's my boy.
Sure you're up to it? - Yes, I am.
I'm pumped, I'm psyched and I just swallowed an entire twist of lemon.
- Did I just hear Niles leave? - He went to straighten out Gunnar.
God, Dad, how could you let him go? What if Gunnar wants to fight? It's still better this way.
He's found his manhood.
I'll be happy if he traded in some teeth for his cojones.
I've got to stop walking in on the middle of conversations.
There you are.
Yes, I'm talking to you, strudel boy! No one gets away with seducing my wife.
You probably thought, because of my swimmer's build, I wouldn't fight for her, but you're wrong, because real men have a thing called honour.
Yow! You wouldn't know about that.
- Niles.
- You don't know how to behave.
You don't know the meaning of rectitude.
He doesn't know the meaning of dog.
He doesn't speak English! Marta? You speak German? She worked for a German family that turned up in Guatemala just after the war.
Good.
She can translate.
Tell her to tell him Niles, just wait! If he knew you were calling him strudel boy, he'd wipe his feet on your face.
If there are scuffs, they'll be scuffs of honour.
How dare you steal my wife! Translate.
All right.
All right, fine, you want to challenge me? En garde! That's just what we need, a fourth language! You can't possibly fight this man.
You forget.
I've been fencing since prep school.
So what? He was born with a sword in his hand.
He probably performed his own Caesarean.
My God.
He's going to kill me.
Oh, very nice, very nice.
Thank you.
Niles! Are you all right? Is he giving up? He wants you to apologise.
He didn't steal your shoes.
- My shoes? - Yes, I'm sorry.
Apparently, I mistranslated.
He didn't mean Not shoes, wife.
Frau? He couldn't help it.
Maris is irresistible Irresistible?! OK.
- But she refused him.
- Really? What did Maris say? "I love Niles.
" Oh, she loves me.
My Maris is home.
In five seconds, tell him he's fired.
Maris! If only I could help Gunnar and Gretchen.
Tell him his wife loves him very much.
No, no, not me, you! You! Marta, damn your pronoun problems! All right, you hapless wretch! # Hey baby, I hear the blues are calling tossed salads and scrambled eggs # Oh, my! # And maybe I seem a bit confused Well, maybe but I got you pegged! # But I don't know what to do with those tossed salads and scrambled eggs # They're calling again # Frasier has left the building.
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