'You see, Dr Crane, there's this man I'd like to go out with, 'but he's 40 and he's never been married.
'Does that mean something? ' It could mean he has a fear of commitment or it could mean he's just been lucky.
Marie, that was a joke.
'Did I mention I'm calling from a payphone? ' All right, Marie, I would say, give him a shot, but I'd keep that caution bulb lit.
Thank you for your call.
Who's next? If someone's never been married, it might mean they're a careful shopper.
A divorcé will bite into any piece of fruit without squeezing it first.
That was an unbiased opinion from my unmarried producer, Roz, who, incidentally, has squeezed more fruit than Tropicana.
May we take another call? We could but it's time for a station break.
Then we'll be right back after this.
- Didn't we just take a break? - I'm parked at a meter.
I'll be back.
Do I have headphone hair? I may have to flirt my way out of a ticket.
- Are you all right? - I got winded but I'm OK.
- Ow! My ankle! - Here, Roz, does this hurt? - No nerve damage.
- She should have an x-ray.
- Frasier, the show! - I'll get someone to fill in.
No, now! You've got dead air! Ow! - Take the shoe off.
- Oh! - Oh, dear! - What is it? It's been a while since our last pedicure.
- Who is it? - Frasier.
How were things at the emergency room? Frustrating.
You know how it is.
You're sitting there in agony and every crybaby with a gunshot waltzes in ahead of you.
- How was it after I left? - Weird Bruce took over for you.
That's quite a boot collection.
Why not put notches in your bedpost? Those are mine.
You hate the way I've decorated, don't you? No, no.
As a matter of fact, I admire your courage.
- Is that for me? - Yes.
Freud said all we need to be happy is work and love.
Oh, thanks, Frasier! So you brought me work.
Answering the fan mail is something to do.
Remember, this time, death threats don't get photos.
- Who is it? - It's Bulldog! - Pretend we're not here.
- Roz, you just said, "Who is it?" - Hey, Doc.
- Hey, Dog.
Hey, Roz.
Wow! The whole place is a bedroom! - What are you doing here? - I brought some deli.
Nothing says "I'm sorry" like fatty meat.
You got pastrami, coleslaw OK, where's the French fries? I ordered fries! This stinks! This is total BS! That apron boy is Oh! Here they are.
To think he does it all without steroids.
- Shall I stick these in the oven? - I'm not hungry.
- Then you're not thirsty.
- Glasses are on the top shelf.
- None for me.
I'm off to the opera.
- You can't leave! - No ice cubes! - Chip what you can off the freezer.
- If you leave, he'll hit on me.
- With a sprained ankle? It's like in the jungle, they go after the sick and the lame.
I'm meeting people at the opera.
I've got the tickets.
Here we go.
I'll get you more ice when the feeling in my forehead comes back.
Curtain going up.
Roz, if you need anything, call me absolutely any time.
Except the next three hours.
I'm at the opera.
No, four hours.
It's Wagner.
Then I've got a late supper, bed, an early squash game.
Call me absolutely any time after 4:00 tomorrow afternoon.
Hey, this is nice, you and me having a drink together.
Yeah, it's been fun.
Bye.
- Why did you paint only two toenails? - It hurts when I reach.
- You want me to finish them? - No, please.
It's OK.
- Nice colour.
Goes with the bruise.
- Bulldog, stop it! - You've got nice feet.
- You don't think they're too big? I could get this whole thing in my mouth, easy.
It's really nice to do all this for me.
Kind of surreal, but nice.
I figure if I'm nice to you, maybe you'll be nice to me.
I knew it! You come over here acting all sympathetic, but you're the same horny, low-class slime ball as ever! Hey, before you say something that offends me Look, all I wanted to ask you is if you'd be interested in producing my show.
- What? - I'm not crazy about my producer.
Let's face it, you're the best.
- You think so? - That goes without saying.
Frasier goes without saying it.
Don't answer now.
Take your time and think about it.
But I warn you - when I set my mind on something, I get it.
I once wanted to interview George Foreman.
He said "no", but I got him.
I had to paint his toenails four times, but I got him.
Your bandage has been too tight.
Keep the blood flowing to the ligaments.
That feels great.
Whatever Frasier is paying you, it's not enough.
Actually, I'd need a raise to get me to "not enough".
- Hey, Roz.
- Hey.
What's going on? - Niles bought me some new shoes.
- Oh, yes, look: they have tassels.
Aren't they exquisite? They were individually handmade by an artisan near Florence.
He is a hero there.
It's an event when he completes a pair of shoes.
They ring the cathedral bell and the town celebrates.
There's a town that needs a bowling alley.
- Evening, all.
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