Well, Morrie, if you're not cheating on your wife, and she still suspects you, then we're obviously dealing with a trust issue.
MORRIE: More like a crazy issue.
And I know where she gets it-- from her mother.
Who, by the way, came for Thanksgiving and still hasn't left.
Happy New Year.
Perhaps we should tackle these issues one at a time.
(knocking on door) I'm in the bathroom, Celeste.
A little privacy? You see how she gets? Well, perhaps what is needed here is a CELESTE: You think I don't know who you're in there talking to, Morrie? It's your little whore, isn't it? Hello, whore.
Celeste, if I could interrupt for just a moment A man?! It's worse than I thought! WOMAN 2: Celeste! CELESTE: Hang up, Ma.
MA: You're all on the radio.
I'm listening in the kitchen .
MORRIE: How about washing a dish or two while you're down there? GIRL: I cannot stand this yelling.
I'm running away from home ! .
MORRIE: Hang up the phone, Britney.
You're going nowhere.
And neither is this conversation.
Well, that's our show for today, with a brief program note.
My KACL colleagues and I are competing against a team at KPXY to see who can shed the most pounds for charity.
We're off to our first weigh-in right now.
You can keep track of our progress on Channel 6's Coffee With Kelly.
Wish us luck.
Okay, everybody.
Iet's power this crap down .
Why? The more you eat before the contest, the more you artificially boost your starting weight.
We got cheeseburgers, doughnuts, french fries, tacos.
And a duck confit that's as rich as Donald Trump and twice as greasy.
Well, it hardly seems in the spirit of the competition.
The entire premise here is to raise awareness about the obesity epidemic in this country.
Come on, Frasier.
The winning team gets a free trip to Vegas! (all cheering) Four glorious days in Sin City, with all its gaudy brilliance-- the feathered headdresses, the fishnet stockings I'm just wearing an aloha shirt, myself.
Come on, Shempsky, pick up the pace.
I have a digestive disorder where if I eat too much or too little, I get incapacitating stomach cramps.
ROZ: It's okay, Noel.
You do what's right for you.
But wouldn't a trip to Vegas be really fun? And remember, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.
Eat up, Doc.
I will do no such thing.
It's not fair, and it is unsportsmanlike.
Aw, who's it going to hurt? (screaming) Shake it off, kid.
Hey, Niles, Daph.
No time for chitchat.
Pregnant lady coming through.
What happened to your wrist? Oh, uh she rolled over in her sleep and pinned me again.
I even saw it coming this time, Iike the big rock in that Indiana Jones movie.
Does she know she did it? No, no.
I didn't want to hurt her feelings, so I just I just, uh made up an excuse What is Eddie doing? Oh, he's waiting for a pigeon friend of his.
We call him Barney.
Flies on the balcony every day, and they stare at each other.
Those crazy animals.
Yesterday, they did it for three hours.
(scoffs) No, I'm not making it up.
I watched them the whole time.
Oh, is your wrist still bothering you, dear? Oh, just a little flare-up.
Oh, poor thing slept on it funny.
Woke up screaming like a dying rabbit.
Hey, Fras.
How was the weigh-in? It was appalling, thank you.
My teammates ridiculed me for not pigging out beforehand.
You know, what is it about teams and competitions that just brings out the worst in people? Here we go again.
What? Well, Frasier and team sports are not a happy mix.
Freshman year, in a bid to please Dad There is no need to tell that story Frasier inadvertently joined the girls' field hockey team.
The sign-up sheet said, "F.
Hockey.
" I assumed it meant "freshman" hockey.
The little plaid skirt didn't tip you off? I thought it was a kilt! Well, I'm starving.
Where shall we go for dinner? (thump ) What was that? (gasps) Barney! Daph, would you take Eddie to my room? I don't want him to see this.
Come on, boy.
Come on.
Oh, how did this happen? Oh, now, Dad, birds do fly into windows.
I know.
That's why I keep a safety smudge right there.
Where did it go? Niles I'm I'm I'm sorry.
It it's a reflex.
I I I don't even know I'm doing it.
Are you happy? You killed Eddie's little friend.
Poor little guy.
What should we do, just kick him over the edge? Dad, wait.
He's still breathing.
Oh! Then pick him up.
But birds are notorious carriers of disease.
Oh, here.
Use my hankie.
I'll take my chances.
Oh, don't you quit on us, Barney.
You're going to be good as new.
See? That's why we need a safety smudge.
We'll be right back to see how our teams are doing in the first week of our Fat to Fit Weight Loss Challenge, so stay right here.
Hey, look.
It's them.
ROZ: Oh, those robes! Makes them look like they're in some kind of cult.
Like the high priests of Asmodeus the Destroyer.
Asmodeus-- demon of lust, eater of worlds.
Does nobody read my e-mails? KELLY: Welcome back.
So let's see how our teams fared this week.
Come on in, guys! Come on in! Okay.
Kenny, who's that last guy on their team? Oh, Wayne Shafter.
He's the new general manager.
So we meet again Wayne Shafter.
You know him? We went to high school together.
He was the captain of the football team-- Mr.
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