F R A S I E R (10x24) - A New Position for Roz - Kenny, this is not amateur hour.
My show is already suffering enough just losing Roz.
I will not let you replace her with a complete novice.
-Come on! Don't you remember when you were a young whippersnapper with nothing but a pantload of talent and a headful of dreams? Are we still talking about Noel? Five seconds to launch, Dr.
Crane.
Yeah.
Good afternoon, Seattle, this is Dr.
Frasier Crane.
Before we get to our first call, I'd like to remind you that we are losing our beloved producer, Roz Doyle, in a couple of weeks to another career opportunity.
That's KPXY, the Mighty Pixy, Seattle's more exciting talk.
Whoo-hoo! In the meantime, we have with us today Noel Shempsky, a KACL employee whose sole qualification for this job seems to be that he has never taken a sick day.
Good afternoon, listeners, near and stars away.
Our first query comes from a Class M planet we call Earth.
And appears to be personal in nature.
Oh, and his name is Glen.
Go ahead, Glen, I'm listening.
-Okay, Noel, that was good, but you need to tell Frasier the name of the caller, the town they're calling from, and why they're calling.
-Okay.
You know, maybe I would learn more if you sat down behind me and guided my hands, like they did in Ghost.
Ooh! Noel!! Oh, hi Julia! -Do you mind? I'm trying to show Noel what I do.
Is that why he's on his knees? Get up.
Now let me give you some pointers on call screening.
Your first priority are your leapers and jumpers.
Next up, angry people, they're great energy and a welcome change from our largest group, the sad sacks.
The trick of it is, you want to arrange these calls so that each segment is "can't miss" radio.
I thought it was just about Frasier doing good work.
-Please! it's all about ratings! If the station had its way, every call would end in an auto-erotic suicide.
Thank you, Roz, now that Seattle knows how we do things around here, perhaps you could let Noel know to keep his elbow off the mic button.
Oh, Roz, do you realize this is the last time we'll do paperwork together? Yeah, it's really sad.
What exactly is the new job, Roz? -Program director.
Ooh, now that's a job.
Let me give you a piece of advice.
Less smut and more older-people shows.
Yeah, I know, Martin, but that's not exactly what they're going for.
You could have a show about owning dogs, or how about this: A show where people just call in with jokes they've heard.
That'd be a riot.
I think they're looking for a wider audience than just you, Dad.
Lots of people would be interested in that sort of thing.
-Yeah, but the advertisers are looking for the young dollars.
What's wrong with my money? -You don't spend it all on fast food and beer.
Yes, I do! You know, I'm tired of society blowing me off just because I'm a senior citizen.
You know, one day we're going to rise and take this country back from you young smart alecks.
And it won't be pretty either.
I could mention the joke idea to my boss.
You just bought yourself a little more time.
Well, here it is, Roz, the final parking requisition form.
The end of an era.
Listen, I know that Kenny is giving you a going-away dinner, but I wanted to have a little celebratory dinner, just the two of us, all right? When you're free.
Well, Niles and Daphne are watching Alice.
How about tonight? Well, actually I'm I'm meeting Julia later.
Why would you want to do that? -Well, we've sort of been seeing each other lately.
You and Julia?! She's a total bitch.
Now, Roz, if you took the time to get to know her, you'd see that she's really not such a bad person.
Like get to know her naked, you mean.
No.
I think she's been misjudged.
Sure, she's got a lot of walls up, but there must be something good inside if it needs that much protection.
-Well, there are walls around prisons, too.
Yes, Roz, your opinion has been noted.
-There are walls around insane asylums,.
.
cholera wards -Thank you, Roz.
-nuclear facilities, gator farms! -All right, shut up.
Got you! Now you chase me! Oh, no, I think it's Daphne's turn.
Oh, no, I just had four turns in a row.
But you know who does want a turn? The TV! Come on, your video's all cued up.
Should we really be plopping her in front of the tube? -It's an educational tape.
Did you want to read her more Jung for Jungsters? She doesn't seem to respond to it.
Perhaps that's a treat we'll save for our own child.
When will that be? When are we going to have a child of our own? -Oh, I don't know, when we're ready.
Yes, we always say that, but how will we know when we're ready? I mean, if it were just me, I'm ready right now.
-Really? I just don't feel like we're quite there yet.
-Well, what has to change? What's this little brat doing here? Make sure it don't make any noise.
Maybe it's me biorhythms.
-Daphne Might this have something to do with your mother living with us? Well, I've always thought in my mind that we'd start a family after she left.
But that doesn't have to stop us from getting pregnant.
And once we are, we've got nine months to get her out of the house.
-Are you kidding? If she found out there's a grandchild on the way, she'd never leave.
And I don't think I could take Mum and morning sickness at the same time.
Oh the other hand, a grandmother can be a wonderful influence on a child.
Aliceyou help Auntie Gert find her cigarettes, and you can have one.
.
I think now would be a good time if anyone wants to stand up and say a few words to Roz.
I know I'll miss her, which is why I'm proud to present her with this picture of the two of us at the last company picnic.
Won't that baby look nice in a frame? Enjoy.
I'm next.
"Sweetest Roz, you are my ship when I'm at sea, my fairest rose, my fantasy.
With each sunrise my thanks I send, for you, my love, my true best friend.
" Puke! That was beautiful, you son of a b.
-Okay, everyb Sit down.
Sit down, Noel, sit down! Okay, everybody, Bulldog to the rescue.
Now,.
.
I don't want to say Roz has had a lot of sex, but she's spent more time on her back than King Tut.
Did you hear the story about the guy at KACL who didn't have sex with Roz? Me neither.
But, uh, seriously: what's the difference between Roz and a dog in heat? No, really, I'm asking.
You people suck! It's not a roast, Bulldog.
It's not? I paid a guy at the Chuckle Factory -When's he getting here? Okay, okay, you want a speech? Best of luck in your new job, Roz.
If you ever need a sports guy, I'm your man.
And I wouldn't have any problem with you being my boss.
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