Niles! What Daphne's saying is what we should really be doing.
- What are you talking about? - Why be so beholden to schedules? We Americans are enchanted with the romance of the open highway.
Jack Kerouac went "On The Road".
Buzz and Todd got their kicks on Route 66.
The adventure is in the journey.
We should just ramble.
Doggone it, I'm inspired! I'm going to put on a baseball cap.
- You'll miss the turn-off! - So? - We'll get lost! - We're in a house on wheels! - We're always home! - It's coming up! Turn here! (Shouts) This is it! Turn! Turn here! - We missed it! - Dad, we didn't miss anything! Oh, my God! We're now on the road less travelled.
From now on, we dance to the rhythm of the road.
There must be an access road back onto that turn-off.
Where is it? Where is it? Oh, it's always in the crack! So is life, Dad.
I was anxious, but I'm starting to like this free spirit stuff.
Dad, there's an historical marker up ahead.
Let's stop.
- Driving wherever you feel like it.
- It's educational.
There! There! (Both) There! There! - What did it say? - No idea.
The only word I saw was "legendary".
Look, a roadside stand.
Fresh fruit, home-made cider! - (Both) Dad! Dad! Dad! Dad! Dad! - Oh! You're missing the freewheeling concept.
We go where the wind blows us.
It's blowing, we're going.
Why are you moaning? You're obsessed with covering distance.
- It's the way I relax.
Hey, watch it! I got my kids in the car! Whoa! Your "relaxing" seems like an obsession.
Don't you think so, Niles? Niles, what are you doing? Making a vacation video we can look at over and over and over again.
OK.
You guys want to stop so bad, we'll stop.
See that sign? "Have your picture taken with a live grizzly.
Souvenirs one mile.
" I always wanted my picture taken with a bear.
Some dreams cannot be denied.
OK, Dad, you're good on my side.
It's never too early to change lane.
Oh, my God! It must be genetic.
Get your dog away from my bear.
I just had him cleaned.
He's stuffed.
- Your sign said a "live" bear.
- It's an old sign.
Look at that view! It's like we're really there! If we were, we'd be whizzing by it at 50 mph.
It's the gourmet food department.
- Home-made deer jerky! - "No sampling.
" - No problem.
- Would you take our picture, please? Niles, Frasier, come on up here.
OK.
Here we go.
Everybody ready? - Now, what should we do? - How about this? That's great! I like that.
OK, everybody.
- Eddie! - You know it's $10 Canadian.
- For a treasured memory, what's money? - OK.
One - Why Canadian dollars? Because we're in Canada.
(Screams) We're in Canada? We crossed the border a while ago.
You were taking a nap.
But I can't be in Canada! I'm not allowed to leave the States.
- Why? - I don't have me green card yet! Oh, this is just perfect! Three months till me final interview.
The one thing they told me was not to leave the country.
And the first time I fall asleep, you drag me across the border! - They won't let me back in! - They have to.
It's not your fault.
If only you hadn't been so hell-bent on driving far! You had to go where the wind blows! (Heated argument) (Blows duck call) Never mind whose fault it is.
I'm stuck here.
What am I going to do? We'll explain to the authorities.
I'm sure this happens all the time.
- Get real.
They got rules.
- Then what's your solution? - We'll sneak her across the border.
- That's called smuggling.
Thanks, Niles! I knew it was something bad guys did.
I didn't know the technical term.
You, a former policeman, suggest we commit a felony? I've crossed this border plenty.
Most of the time the guards wave you through.
- Let's get out of here.
- What if they pull us over? Daphne has to convince them she's American.
It beats having me bum bounced back across the pond.
- Let's give it a bash.
- Oh, yes, this is foolproof! (Niles) I'm about to defraud the US lmmigration Department.
So is my father, my older brother.
People who should be my role models.
I'm the product of a bad environment.
If the guard asks you a question can you say anything - - in an American accent? - (American accent) Sure.
- OK, what? - You heard it.
- What? - Sure.
That's all I can say.
I need a cup of tea.
Tea? Why not wave a crumpet in the air and sing "God Save the Queen"? You're a psychiatrist.
You should be in control of your emotions.
Oh, my God, there's the border! All right.
Now calm down.
We're gonna be fine.
Remember, they'll be looking for suspicious behaviour.
Niles, that qualifies.
If the guard pokes his head in here, what will he see? (All) Four carefree Americans.
- I've never been so nervous.
- There isn't any need to be.
They're waving everybody through without any questions! Please, please! They're waving us through.
They're waving us through! They're pulling us over! They're pulling us over! (Dad) The guard.
(Daphne) I can't do this.
It's going to be fine.
Just keep your answers short.
Guilty people always talk too much.
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