- Hello, Rachel.
- (Rachel) 'Thanks for taking my call.
'I'm involved in a strange love triangle.
' - This is sweeps week! - 'I recently married a widower.
'Phil is a real good man, he's a kind man.
'But there's one problem.
'He insists on keeping an urn with his late wife's ashes - 'on the dresser in our bedroom.
' - That is a definite "yikes".
'I knew that wasn't normal! He says it is ' Rachel, before you go off half-cocked, let's try to remember, this is a sensitive issue for your husband.
Those ashes mean a lot to him.
It's not appropriate to keep them in the bedroom, but you could move them to another room.
'I could try that.
Maybe I'll move them into the guest room.
' (Crash) 'Oops! ' - What happened? - 'Oh, nothing.
I'd better run, Dr Crane.
'I've got some vacuuming to do.
' As Rachel helps Phil's first wife off the floor, we're at the end of our second hour.
We're back after the news.
Please join me, Frasier Crane, and my invaluable producer uh uh - Roz! - Roz.
KACL talk radio, 780AM.
Roz, I'm so sorry! Your name was in front of me, and I couldn't put my finger on it! - Forget about it.
- It's been happening to me a lot lately.
Last night I walked into the kitchen, and I couldn't remember what for.
- Don't make yourself crazy.
It's normal.
- OK.
Your hairstylist confirmed your appointment.
I don't remember making one.
You didn't.
I was just gaslighting you.
- That is not funny! - Oh, lighten up.
- Here, sign these.
- All right.
Will you say it or make me wait till the end of the day? - Say what? - "Happy birthday.
" It is not your birthday.
Oh, God, it is! Oh, Roz, I'm so sorry! Let me take you out after work, OK? - You are so easy! - Oh, that's it! I'm out of here! - Aren't you forgetting something? - No, I am not! You can't blame a girl for trying.
Five, four, three, two We're back.
(Growling) Ten.
No, Eddie, no.
Dad, ask your dog to stop burrowing at my shoes.
It took six months to have them sent from a blind cobbler in Seville.
- He won't stop till you scratch him.
- Oh.
All right, Eddie, all right.
You know, I'm beginning to think I have an affinity for animals.
Would you mind if I noodle at the piano? - Would it stop you if we said, "yes"? - Point well taken.
(# BEETHOVEN: "Sonata No 5, Op 10, No 1") (Hits clinker) That's strange.
For the life of me, I can't remember the next note.
(Hits clinker) I know this backwards and forwards! Perhaps if you start at the end, you'll have better luck.
(Wrong notes) Oh, come on.
You know how it goes.
It goes: Da-da-da-da Oh, thank you, Dad.
Now it's perfectly clear(!) (Fumbles) That was very nice, Son.
How about something from "South Pacific"? I'm sorry, I'm just getting fed up with this nonsense.
I keep forgetting names.
Last week, twice I forgot where I parked my car.
Join the club, pal.
You're getting older.
Of course I'm getting older.
We all are.
I'm not that old.
I'm afraid Dad may have a point.
I know you'd like to believe we're still the same devilish sprigs we always were, sitting on mother's davenport in our tweeds and tams listening to the "Texaco Symphonic Hour".
But the cold, hard reality is you're middle-aged.
I'm 41.
That's hardly middle-aged.
Middle-aged is more like 50, 55.
Only if you live to be 110.
I'm ready to go.
- Where are you off to? - I'm giving Daphne a lift.
I'm meeting me friends for darts and a few pints.
It's best in that order.
Just ask Blind Willie, the bartender.
Before you go, I'd like to ask you a little question.
When you look at me, do you see me as a young man or as an older man? Oh, no, you don't.
You're not getting me into that Vietnam.
There are three questions you never answer honestly: "How old do I look?", "Do you like me hair?", and "Was it good for you, too?" Coming, Dr Crane? Dr Crane? I'm sorry, I was someplace else.
It was a warm and friendly place.
Big surprise, I got a headache.
I need to get an aspirin.
The very suggestion that I'm descending into old age Just because I can't remember some names and a tune on the piano.
Your arm's not long enough for that, is it? Let me ask you a few questions.
Can you get through the night without having to go to the john? Can you get in and out of a chair without going, "Arrrgh"? Can you eat a slice of pizza less than twelve hours before you go to bed? - What's on the pizza? - Ah, I thought so.
Now that we've established you're middle-aged, take some advice.
Don't fight it.
It'll go a lot easier.
Are you suggesting I'll rush off to a surgeon for an eye lift and a chin tuck? Oh, dear God! When guys get to this stage, they do things they would never have done before.
Dad, please spare me.
I am a psychiatrist, - I know the routine.
- Who is that? That's me, in '74, going through my own little stage.
I died my hair black, bought a leather jacket and a Harley Davidson.
My God, Dad, you look like one of the Village People.
I came to my senses before you got back from Harvard that summer.
- Are those love beads? - All right, that's enough.
Just keep your guard up, and don't do something stupid, all right? - OK, Dad.
- You might think it's tough being middle-aged, but think about me.
I got a son who's middle-aged.
(Groans) (Dad) 'I heard that.
' Didn't this use to be Pinsky's store? - No idea.
- We'd bring you kids here all the time.
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