- What? Really?
- Yeah.
Oh, my God, that's amazing!
What does he do?
He's a priest.
[DRAMATIC CHORAL MUSIC PLAYS]
Is it?
Yep.
- Oh, my God.
- Yeah.
- You are joking?
- No.
[LAUGHS]
- I'm sorry.
- I know.
It's just, I'm sure
it's very complicated.
- Yes! It's very painful.
- But it, it's just
you're a genius.
You're my fucking hero.
Claire?
Is that you?
Oh, God.
Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, God!
- Claire!
- Klare!
- Hi!
- Oh, my God, Claire,
- I love your hair!
- Oh!
Claire, it's so cute and edgy and cool.
- Oh, thank you.
- Like superstar, pop star.
- [CHUCKLES]
- [CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]
Listen, these penguins are taking me
to this new amazing London music thing.
- Are you free?
- Yes.
- You want to come?
- Oh, I
I have to take my step-son his bassoon.
I mean, I wish I could.
Well, I leave tomorrow.
So
Oh.
I'll take the bassoon.
I've got it.
I'll take it.
Oh, um No, he's expecting me to.
No, no.
No, just, just tell Jake
it's with me at the cafe.
- Honestly, it's fine.
- Oh.
Hey, I don't want to get in the way
of your family day.
No, I'll take it.
Please, get
in the way of her family days.
Just tell Jake I've got it.
No biggie.
Bye, Claire.
Bye, Klare.
Bye, Claire.
I can't believe your hair!
[BOTH LAUGH]
It's so chic and cute!
It's all the things!
- Really?
- [HE SPEAKS OWN LANGUAGE]
Goes so well with your top.
My, God, that's so sweet of you.
Honestly, I've had such a day with it.
- Yeah, all right.
[CHUCKLES]
- Yeah.
Oh, fuck!
Sorry!
Well, that was exhausting.
- The new guinea pig
- Hamster.
is in with Hillary.
They shared the cucumber okay,
which was quite sweet.
Thanks.
Well, I'd say any time but, uh
You have a new job.
I will be back, though.
My wife would love Chatty Wednesdays.
- Love them.
- Ah.
[CLEARS THROAT] Oh! You have a visitor.
He said he knew you,
so I let him wait in there.
Oh? Oh.
Pleasure doing business with you.
Bye.
He took the pinny.
- Ugh.
- Hey!
He's going to make a bassoon joke.
Is that a bassoon in your hand
or are you just pleased to see me?
Would you say that to your son?
When he has his bassoon, sure.
But he's never pleased to see me, so
It doesn't even make sense.
Why would a bassoon in my hand
Like a dick in your hand.
Oh, right so if I was walking
towards you with an amputated dick
in my hand you'd think I was horny.
Well, I'd assume that you had been.
Certainly wouldn't put it
past you to chop a dick off.
[SIGHS]
Put the guinea pig down.
- Where is she?
- Why?
Well, she was meant
to have dropped that off
- and she's not at the office.
- Oh, I don't know where she is.
So, you just found that, huh?
Hm.
Please don't hurt the guinea pig.
I would never hurt the guinea pig.
- [GUINEA PIG SQUEAKS]
- I wouldn't do that.
Here we go, sweetie.
Come on, here.
It's fucking adorable.
Are you sure we should even be talking?
Aren't you supposed to be
getting me arrested or something?
Wow.
She really tells you everything,
doesn't she, hm?
Cute tables.
- Ah, Jesus, Martin.
- Fuck off!
You are the problem, you know that?
You are the problem in
my perfect, awful life.
I haven't seen you in a year.
And yet still off she runs,
into the night, for you.
[HE SCOFFS]
I can't even get the woman pregnant.
And then you come in showing
off about your miscarriage,
like you didn't even
want the one you had.
I was just trying to
make her feel better!
[PHONE BUZZES]
- Give me your phone.
- No.
Give me your phone.
No!
Is she leaving me?
I hope so.
Don't let her leave me.
Don't let her leave me, please.
I hope she doesn't come home tonight.
[CHUCKLES]
Ah! Cashmere, cashmere, cashmere!
I will take you down, fucker.
I will take you down, fucker.
[SCOFFS, CHUCKLES]
- Fuck you!
- Fuck you!
- Fuck you!
- Fuck you!
Fuck you! You better start
sleeping with a lawyer!
I'm already sleeping with a lawyer!
Yeah, lucky lawyer!
Shit!
[GUINEA PIG SQUEAKS]
[SIGHS] I'd better call my lawyer.
[EXHALES]
You know that feeling when the
hot misogynist who might not be
a misogynist is turning up at
your house for the second time
in 48 hours to give you
nine orgasms you don't want,
just to do something to get your
head out of the fact the only person
you want to see in the world
is the priest that you
- [FLAT BUZZER RINGS]
- [SIGHS]
So, you pick yourself up,
cover yourself in coconut oil
and hope he hasn't noticed
that you haven't shaved your
Hey.
Your sister gave me your address.
Are you on your way out?
Oh, no, I just I just got in.
I've only got underwear under this coat.
Okay.
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