- No.
- She needs it.
- No.
Shh!
I have an idea.
He's sexually inappropriate and
he eats raw sausages but no-one's
made her laugh like he does,
so I guess I have to give him that.
Right, just put your What are
you doing? What are you doing?
No.
Stop it.
No, no, no, there.
There we go.
I'm an innocent man.
I bought her a necklace
with her name on it,
- that she found
and told me not to buy.
- OK.
I bought her a book
that she already has.
She says not to buy her any clothes
because she probably won't wear them.
She scares me!
This sandwich is so good.
Look, this is London.
Just fuck off and buy something
weird and expensive.
No, no, it's got to be good,
all right.
Help me!
Pay me and I'll help you.
Fuck off.
How much?
£60.
- 70.
- Done.
Yeah!
I don't know who she is.
Is she?
No.
What about?
No!
Just get whoever you are.
Who are you?
I don't know.
I want to be that person.
I have been that person.
Ha.
But most of the time I'm
that person, like everyone else.
They're good, right? Chic.
Chic means boring -
don't tell the French.
What about these?
No.
God.
Stop checking, all right,
nobody loves you.
Help me here.
Who is this person?
Fuck, no.
This is perfect.
Get her something
she'd never get herself.
Surprise her.
She'll think I've gone nuts.
No, she'll think you see her
as this person,
and everyone wants to be this person.
I don't know, I
Aren't these for children?
No.
Let's keep going.
I saw some more
stuff she'll hate over there.
[LAUGHTER]
My neighbour
is really fit.
Which one?
- The fit one.
- The one with the sexy big belly?
No, no, he's the other neighbour.
He's like, he's like, OK
I'm going to hold his face
in my head so you can see him.
OK.
I'm not getting anything.
Make your face his face.
Yeah, OK.
Is he mixed race?
I'm getting mixed race.
Yes!
[DOOR CLOSES]
- That's him.
- Go on.
No.
OK.
OK!
Jesus.
I'm really sorry, we're really high.
We just really wanted to know
what you look like.
She thinks you're lovely.
Oh, my God, look at my elegant feet.
Hey.
Hey! Hey.
Hey.
Hello!
Hey.
HEY!
What's your problem?
Who was that?
Oh, no-one, it was
What?
No, no-one.
I just need to go
and get a drink, or something.
OK.
Excellent.
Can I go and get my shoes?
Yeah.
OK.
Whoa.
Easy, tiger.
Coming from you?
So, come on, who was
that heartbreaker, hmm?
He used to go out with Boo.
Then he slept with someone else,
and then she
Yeah, yeah, I know, OK.
Fuck.
I've never really said
how sorry I was.
You should get the trainers.
She'll say I don't know her.
You don't.
You're just as bad.
It's never clear what she wants.
I should just get her some perfume.
Jesus, just fuck her, please,
for the love of a good woman.
Just wrap your willy up in a bow
and just screw her,
she's going insane.
What is it?
Are you having an affair?
Think you're a clever
little puss, don't you?
A little marital poke
isn't going to kill you.
Would it kill her
to take me out to dinner?
You girls, Jesus.
Anyone said that to her,
they'd be hung.
If they were hung, she probably
wouldn't be complaining.
Little advice from a married man.
You should probably
get yourself out there, sweetie.
You're just tipping your prime.
Another drink?
[PHONE RINGS]
Bingo.
Excuse me, I have a date.
Get the trainers.
Shop closes in an hour.
Oh, God.
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