You're gonna climb outta my ass, and
you're not gonna report or even
mention any of this to anyone, ever.
No authorities and certainly no press.
And the reason you're not gonna
do this is because if you do,
I will own you.
By the end of the week, there will
be a headline on page 3 of The Sun
in big block capitals with
your face splashed all over.
Now that headline might be
"Flying high",
"Flight attendant
accused of drug abuse"
It might be "Right-wing flight
attendant accused of racist outburst.
"
Who knows, it could even be
"Roger the cabin boy.
Flight attendant
accused of buggering passengers".
That will depend on which
one of your close friends
decides to fuck you over first
for better cash
and what type of dirt I dig up on you.
And believe me, there is dirt.
There's always dirt.
Whether I need a black light
and UV goggles to find it.
And guess what, if there isn't any,
and you really are Mother Teresa,
then I'll just make something up.
Because nobody gives two cold
craps about proof these days,
that's why stories play
on the front page
and apologies and retractions
languish at the bottom of page 27.
Do we have an understanding?
(CHUCKLES) Are you
trying to blackmail me?
I'm not trying anything.
The word "try" implies that there
is some latitude in the outcome.
I am warning you.
Stay out of my way
and I'll stay out of yours.
Now, seeing as how you
confiscated my phones,
is there somewhere I can make a call?
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
Oh, it's 9 for an outside line.
Do you mind?
Whoa.
(DIALING)
Hey! What?
Sorry, I didn't mean
I heard you in here, so I thought, um
I was gonna ask, you're with
Calvin Cooper, right?
- What?
- You're traveling with him.
What's he like, nice guy? He's a cnt.
Oh, right.
Yeah, I mean, he seems
like a nice guy.
You know, you
just get that vibe off some people.
And is he a friend of yours?
- A client.
- Client.
Look at you.
Fancy.
Yeah, fancy.
I'm fancy now, Jamie.
Is there something you need?
Uh
Do you think maybe you could
get me a little autograph?
It's for Pam, it's just
Yup, sure thing, is there something
else? Because I really need to
Oh, no, great.
Thanks.
You go for it.
(EXHALES)
(DIALING)
(LINE RINGING)
Hi, Melody, it's me.
MELODY: Robyn.
Hi, how's
the travel going?
I need a story seeded.
Right, sure, okay.
Um, is there a particular journalist
you'd like me to contact, or
It's just a media chatterpiece, so
Simon Penchant at Metr would be good.
But you can't go to him
directly, or he'll smell a rat.
It's really delicate.
He needs to find it himself.
If I remember correctly,
he goes out with this
actress called Siobhan
Okay.
She's in her final year at Central,
which means tonight, she'll
be drinking at the Swiss Pub
'cause it's the only decent place to
get a drink within a mile radius.
How do you know she'll be drinking?
Because she's an actor.
Look, take some petty cash,
go to the Swiss,
and sit near every
5'4" redhead you can find,
talking loudly about the fact
that Calvin Cooper is going
to be playing a sex offender,
in a new Andrew McCormack film.
Uh, Calvin Cooper, and
- Are you writing this down?
- Yes.
Don't write it down!
Oh, okay.
Sorry.
- You got it?
- Yeah, um
How do you know it's gonna work?
Melody, if you want gossip spread,
tell it to a bunch of actors.
Gotcha.
Okay, I know this is gonna sound weird,
'cause we haven't seen each other
in, like, a hundred years.
I'm in the middle of something.
Yeah, I know, okay.
Right.
But what I was gonna say is,
seeing as you're in town,
Pam and I are having some
engagement drinks tomorrow night.
It's like an hour outta town,
- and you can stay with us, - Robyn?
there'll be a whole bunch of people
from high school there.
Jamie! This is really important.
Okay, I'm just kind of important, too,
uh, to me, anyway.
Uh, it doesn't matter.
Uh.
No, it's cool.
It's cool.
It's cool.
If you could just drop my
laptop off when you're done,
I need to finish
this report before I land.
- Robyn?
- (SIGHS)
Yup, I'm here.
Call Eve, tell her
I need that e-mail ASAP.
And just to give you a heads up,
it might get a bit
hectic for a few days,
so you might wanna make some space.
Right, will do.
- Robyn
- Yeah?
Are you okay?
- What?
- Are you all right?
You sound strange.
I'm fine.
It's gonna be fine.
(DINGS)
MAN OVER PA: Ladies and gentlemen.
As you have noticed,
the captain has turned
on the seat belt sign,
as we will shortly be
beginning our descent
Please make sure your seat
belt is securely fastened,
and seat backs and tray tables are
in their full upright position.
Did you know that
planes are legally obliged
to have ashtrays in the toilets
even though you haven't been allowed
to smoke in them since the '80s.
It's 'cause in 1973,
some guy left a cigarette
in a bin and it caught on fire.
The plane crashed.
Killed 123 people.
So
Even though you're not allowed to smoke,
they still have ashtrays because
they know that people will.
They legislate for it.
They facilitate it.
Such is the inevitability
of human weakness.
PILOT: This is your captain speaking.
We've begun our descent to JFK.
And weather conditions are a
little rough over New York,
so we may experience a
few bumps en route.
Uh, on behalf of myself and crew,
I'd like to thank you for
traveling with us today.
Ever get the feeling,
there's two people inside you?
The normal human being,
who is supposed to do things like
Chat, love people, care, do Christmas
Be a part of, some kind of
society of other human beings.
And then there's this other thing.
This goblin.
It just kind of hovers behind.
It doesn't understand,
doesn't care, just wants to
(SIGHS)
Destroy everything and then it
The first guy covers
and smiles and repairs,
allowing the goblin to keep doing
the terrible things that he does.
And over and over and over again,
the first guy helps the goblin
get away with it.
And the goblin can't help it.
(STUTTERS) It's his nature.
He actually wants it to stop but
the first guy won't let him
The nice guy, who smiles and drinks tea
and goes to birthday parties
and sings fucking karaoke.
So maybe it's him.
Not the goblin, who's the real bad guy.
I mean, maybe, he's the one
that needs to be stopped.
You remember everything we discussed?
The order of information
you need to divulge?
Don't be too specific, not at first.
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