Seriously though, you're
not really gonna go out
with an IT boy, are you?
Melody, go out with whoever you like.
Eve's just jealous, 'cause
There's no RAM in her hard drive.
Oh! There it is!
You know, right now would
be a good time to say
something about you keeping
your dick in your pants.
I know.
I know.
Good.
Really bums me out when
you pull stuff like this.
I'm trying.
I really do
want to be better.
I know, I know you do.
I know.
(URINATING)
(SIGHS) Oh, man.
I remember
when I did this
for the first time around.
(CHUCKLES) Whoa!
The feeling of it being real just
hits you like a truck.
Like, all at once.
Up until that point in my life,
nothing had ever been so
Permanent.
You know?
I just kept staring at it
till my eyes went blurry.
Then, I think I cried for, like, a day.
(TOILET FLUSHES) Then,
I was really happy.
You're not helping.
(ZIPS DRESS)
Okay.
All right, don't stare at it.
Just
- Mmm Name the 50 states.
- What?
Hey! Just something to
take your mind off of it.
I'm not in kindergarten.
I'm not
naming any of the 50 states
Alabama, Alaska, Arizona, Arkansas
California, Colorado
- Delaware Connecticut
- You missed Connecticut.
Delaware, Florida Florida
BOTH: Georgia, Hawaii, Idaho
Illinois, Indiana
Iowa, Kansas, Kentucky
Louisiana, Maine,
Maryland, Massachusetts
Michigan, Minnesota
Missouri, Mississippi
What does it say?
I'm not pregnant.
(SIGHS) Okay!
Okay!
Well, that's good.
That's what you wanted, right?
Absolutely!
Absolutely.
Yeah.
Good.
(DOOR HANDLE RATTLING)
KELLY: Mommy, I need to poo!
Thank you for letting us know.
- I'll leave you to it.
- Okay
Thank you.
Hi, honey.
And, next!
Welcome to my weird
Office.
How may I help you?
Here.
Thank you.
(TYPING)
(WOMAN MOANING ON SCREEN)
Blimey.
She did not do that on
Britain's Got Talent.
(MOANING CONTINUES)
You were right.
I opened his laptop to send an email
and it was right there.
(STAMMERING) Yes.
I, um
- He's a porn addict.
- I What?
(MOANING CONTINUES)
Is this a thing?
No! I
Mark.
Seriously, I want
you to be honest with me.
I
(MOANING CONTINUES)
(VOICE BREAKING) I'm addicted to porn.
Jesus.
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
- Mark.
Why wouldn't you tell me?
- I'm so sorry.
I
(MOANING CONTINUES)
Was ashamed.
I Was
Sorry, I'm just going to
mute this for a second.
(NERVOUSLY) Maybe I should
Why would you think you have to
lie about something like this?
Mark, I mean
God, you know
You need to go off into the
shed and have a handy, just
Lock the door, you know.
I don't
I mean, that's not a
relationship, is it?
Where you can't even tell
me if something is wrong?
You can talk to me, you stupid a-hole.
God, I mean
Who knows? Maybe I would even wanna
watch it with you, you know?
I'm not so vanilla that I
can't (MOANING RESUMES)
Oh, my god!
Is that Summer Bolton? Hmm.
SUMMER: (ON THE SCREEN)
Yeah.
Give it to me! Oh
I'm just gonna leave you to
(MOANING CONTINUES)
My goodness!
(GASPS)
What must her poor mother think?
(SCOFFS)
(DOOR OPENING)
Hey.
What's up?
Okay, don't be annoyed
at me or anything.
I swear I wasn't being stalker-y,
- I just I saw it in the bin.
- What?
Did you I mean
I was a couple of days late, so I
did it as a precaution, but I'm not.
Okay.
(STAMMERING) I'm just
I'm sorry, I just
I saw it, and then my
heart was just like
I mean, I know we're trying,
but seeing it just made me feel
Like it was so much more real.
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to panic you.
Oh, no, no.
I I wasn't panicked.
I was
I don't know.
I was I was happy.
- Really?
- Yeah.
I mean
It's mental.
You know I got a
fear because of my dad not
being around and my little
sister doing it too young,
and then watching them struggle.
But I saw it, and it
just made me feel like
It was a feeling in my gut.
It said, "Yeah, we'd crush it.
"
Not literally.
I'm sorry.
No.
I I know I
sound like a nutjob right now.
You weren't scared?
Scared?
No, I was
Yes, I was scared, but
more excited though.
Legit.
I love you.
I love you too, kid.
Do you wanna take another run at it?
Absolutely.
Hmm.
Just give me five minutes.
(MELLOW SONG PLAYING)
(FROG CROAKING)
It's in my nature.
(SONG RESUMES PLAYING)
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