Previously on Desperate Housewives.
Bree's affair with her contractor broke new ground.
Perhaps I could make you dinner? Like a date? I can't wait until I grow up so I can have beautiful things.
Gabby doted on her biological daughter, Grace.
Look who's missing her big sister.
Lynette had too much on her hands.
Get me a nanny.
Susan found that keeping her new job a secret My partners are not gonna eat the cost.
$9,000.
was going to be expensive.
But her secret had already been discovered.
Emma Graham was an ordinary woman.
And like most ordinary women, she had an extraordinary dream.
She wanted her husband to know she was more than just a wife.
She wanted her daughter to know she was more than just a mother.
She wanted her neighbors to know she was more than just the woman who lived next door.
So Emma made a decision to turn her dream into reality.
I want to do a cabaret show.
I'll need a band, orchestrations, and sound equipment.
And you're going to pay for all of it.
And that is how Emma Graham's friends and neighbors came to gather at the Smokehouse Lounge two weeks later.
They would soon learn Emma Graham wasn't so ordinary after all.
Yes, Emma's dream of sharing her talent had finally come true.
Unfortunately, the high note that ended the evening did not come from Emma.
I'm going to kill you! You whore! Get off me.
Okay, ladies, please.
Oh, my nose.
My nose.
My nose.
Oh! She knew what she was doing was wrong.
She knew it was very dangerous.
She knew the risks if people found out.
But Susan Delfino was determined to get back to Wisteria Lane and that is how her world began to fall apart.
Hi, I'm Tanya.
Thank you for choosing to spend time with me.
I'm all yours for the next hour.
Now how about we start by getting to know each other a little better? Show me yourjugs.
Aren't you a frisky little Ooh! I see some dirt under the coffee table.
Would you like me to vacuum? Sure.
Right after you take out those tots and shake 'em.
Okay.
Slow down.
We've got Fifty-nine more minutes together.
And isn't it sexier to warm each other up with some naughty talk first? I have to listen to my old lady's blah-blah-blah all day long.
Lose the top so I can see those money-makers.
What are you, reading from a boob thesaurus? Come on, isn't there some romantic fantasy you'd like to share with me? Okay.
Are you lactating? Oh! Pig! You never do that.
You never pull the plug on a session.
The guy was a total perv.
Who clearly had serious mother issues.
You cost us a major client.
And God forbid he starts talking about this at work.
We could lose the whole city council.
I'm sorry.
I lost my nerve.
Susan, I can't keep giving you chances like this.
Va-Va-Va-Broom.
Oh, you want a private session with Tanya? I'm sorry, that's not going to happen.
She doesn't work for me anymore.
Once again, I am so sorry.
I forgot that French restaurant was so formal.
Next time I will pick a place with fewer forks.
Yeah, thanks again for helping me out with that.
Well, I had a lot of fun.
Good night.
Keith, did you really have a lot of fun? Yeah.
Why do you ask? Well, because it's our third date and you just kissed me like you were saying good night to your aunt.
I'm trying to treat you like a lady.
Oh, that's sweet.
Now, knock it off.
Three times? In one night.
Oh, my God.
Three times was my entire September.
I just had the nicest chat with Grace.
She said the cutest thing Bree had sex three times last night.
Oh, screw my story.
Tell me everything.
Okay.
The sex was amazing.
It was like How to describe it? An opera.
You fell asleep during it? I'm telling you.
Making love to a man in his thirties, it's like the sun shines brighter, the grass looks greener, food tastes better Okay, we get it.
You had sex three times.
Three! Oh! Hey, look, Renee's back from New York.
Oh, God.
You invited her? What, now you don't like Renee? I know she's your friend, but isn't she kind of a self-absorbed, narcissistic diva? Good point.
We already have one of those.
Drop the drugstore champagne, ladies, and make way for the real stuff.
We are celebrating! What's the occasion? My divorce settlement.
I just soaked my ex for Well, a whole lot of these.
I thought there was a pre-nup.
Yup, there was.
But no pre-nup is a match for the legal team of Grind'em, Screw'em, and Rothenberg.
-That was iced tea.
-Well, I just made it fun.
Now, I want to have you all over for dinner tonight.
I've got two more cases of champagne, a truck-load of caviar, and a pile of money to roll around naked in.
What do you say? If there's more of this, I am definitely there.
Great.
How about you, Bree? I wish I could, but I have a date.
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