Well, I was driving my car one night I crashed into a utility pole.
And then to add insult to injury, I was electrocuted.
What can I say? It was one of those days.
All my neighbors heard it happen, so they quickly left their microwaved burritos and their expensive jars of moisturizer and their racy pay-per-view movies and they hurried outside, excited to see what all the ruckus was about.
But then, when they saw it was me, this weird thing happened.
For a moment, no one moved or said anything.
They just stared.
And then Oh, my God.
All hell broke loose.
Does anybody know C.
P.
R.
? There's been an accident.
Edie! Can you hear me? Yes, everyone suddenly became very concerned, which was touching, but ultimately pointless.
Moments before the ambulance finally arrived, I heard someone whisper Don't worry, Edie.
You're gonna get through this.
You're gonna be just fine.
Susan Mayer--wrong again.
Two seconds later, it happened.
With all of my neighbors surrounding me, I took my last breath.
The good news? I died just like I lived-- as the complete and utter center of attention.
Two days after I kicked the proverbial bucket, my husband asked my neighbors to do me a favor.
You could tell from the looks on their faces It wasn't something they wanted to do, But they agreed to do it anyway.
So the next day, they piled into a car with two thermoses filled with coffee, a basket filled with baked goods and an urn that was filled with me.
I hate that we have to do this.
So you've said.
I mean, it really is the kind of thing a relative should do.
Maybe it is, but we're in the car, on our way there, so stop your bitching.
Well, can you at least put the radio on? I won't feel like bitching if I can sing along to something.
If you start singing, I'll start bitching, and you don't want that.
It's a 4-hour drive.
We have to do something to pass the time.
Here's a thought.
Why don't we talk about Edie? And say what? I don't know, but she is the reason we're on this trip.
Uh, maybe we could share memories or tell stories.
Mm.
Why don't you start with the time she tried to steal your comatose boyfriend? That was fun.
- Okay, I was thinking of stories that put Edie in a positive light.
And after that five minutes is up, then what do we do? The woman is dead, people.
Let's honor her memory.
Well, I'm all for saying a few nice things but you were never really friends.
You and Edie clashed right from the start.
Yeah.
That's what everybody thinks.
But the the first time we met, it seemed like we'd end up being the best of friends.
Oh, that's disgusting.
No, it's okay.
It landed on the detergent box.
Here.
You go buy yourself a fresh doughnut or booze, crack, whatever eases the pain.
Just move it along.
Uh, you think I'm homeless.
Oh, no, no, no.
No, I live here.
I-I can prove it.
I know exactly what's in this garbage bag.
Um, empty carton of eggs, coffee grinds, shampoo bottle Wart removal cream? You're right.
I'm homeless.
Susan Mayer.
Oh.
It's all cleared up.
Mm.
Edie Britt.
I just moved in down the street.
Oh, yeah.
I saw the moving van.
Welcome.
Thanks.
So is it just you, or do you have a family? I have a son.
He lives with his dad.
It's a long story.
I'll tell you one day over a margarita.
You wanna invite me in for a margarita? How about coffee? I just put on a pot.
Great.
You can fill me in on all of the neighborhood gossip, starting with the redhead across the street with the muffin basket.
That's a robot, right? Funny and likes to gossip.
We're gonna get along just fine.
- Yes, we are.
Wait.
Stop.
Could we just rest for a second? We've only gone four blocks.
Okay, I lied.
I hate running.
Well, why didn't you say something? We've been doing this for a week.
Because we were starting to become friends, and you like to run, and I like to sit and one of us had to give.
Hi, Susan! - Oh, hi, Helen, Ed.
I would have introduced you, but once Helen starts talking, she doesn't shut up.
Right.
Ed told me that.
- Oh, you met Ed? Oh, yeah.
I've gotten to know him quite well.
Yeah? We're kinda doing it.
Doing what? It.
Ed is married.
Yeah, I'm a naughty girl.
No, you're being immoral.
You're committing adultery.
Actually, Ed's committing adultery.
I'm just getting laid.
You know, forget I ever mentioned it.
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