1
Girls, prepare to be more obsolete
than you already are.
Which will be hard.
You're one step above newspapers.
Behold, the future!
Oh, no.
I'm still here in the future?
(mechanical chattering)
Or, Han, your sister's here.
Hello, mola, Konichiwa.
I guess now's a good time to admit
that I ate a bunch of
shrooms and I'm seeing
a robot in a bowtie.
This is a room service
robot that delivers food.
My aunt's Holiday Inn went belly-up.
I got this and one night stand.
That's the only one night stand
you're ever gonna get.
Must be a different
kind of room service
than they have at
Tuggington's Hourly Motel.
Where the first tug is free.
(mechanical chattering)
- R2, thank God.
I thought I lost you when
we blew up the Death Star.
Would you like a late check out?
Sorry, toots.
I checked out years ago.
List diner specials.
You have ordered four adult films.
That's a lie.
I've only ordered three.
Shut down, robot.
Hey! Hey!
This is what happens
when you get a robot for free!
(beeping)
R2, no!
Yoda's our friend!
HAN: Somebody help me!
If that thing could show
cleavage and steal silver wear,
I'd be out of a job.
(Peter Bjorn and John)
Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
(cash register bell dings)
I can't wait for our
date either, Bobby.
Okay, I'll see you tomorrow.
You hang up first.
No, you hang up Oh, he hung up.
I'm liking this guy more and more.
I know.
Isn't Bobby the cutest?
Not smoking Chinese baby cute,
but not bad.
Max, I'm so excited.
This is the first date I'll be going on
since Julia Roberts could still
open a romantic comedy.
I'm still pissed at them
for stealing my life story
for "Pretty Woman.
"
Jason Alexander's
character was totally me.
For our date,
he's thinking of taking me
on an afternoon picnic in the park.
The pretty one, where you crotch
punched that mime into a pond.
You know the fact
that Bobby's taking you
on a day date is a bad sign, right?
It probably means he's married.
Or worse, afraid of the dark.
Actually, the day date was my idea.
You know we're not married, right?
That's not why I call you my old lady.
It's cause you write thank you notes
and use the word jeepers.
Jeepers, Max!
I just figured if I go out at night,
you'll have to run
the dessert bar alone
and you've never done that before.
I've also never flossed my back teeth.
And they're fine when it's not windy.
I got this.
Hey, girls.
I just thought I'd take a
walk and stretch my knees.
Then I remembered I don't have any.
Earl, I'm going on a night
date, like a person.
Max will be running the dessert
bar and that'll be fine, right?
Ooh, speaking of disasters,
that reminds me,
I have to return "Risky
Business" to Blockbuster.
When do they close?
So I still have time.
MAX: Hey, guys, look.
It's a groundhog.
So it's gonna be an early spring.
No.
He saw his shadow this year.
Know your facts.
Earl, you're supposed
to be in the diner.
I had to ask our shrimp
supplier to cover for you.
I thought your mother
was our shrimp supplier.
Han, I'm going on a night date,
like a person.
Max'll be running the dessert
bar and that'll be fine, right?
Sure, like when I had her
run the diner by herself.
Which never happened
because I'm not a damn fool!
Let's go, Earl.
All right, fine.
I left my knees there, anyway.
Hey, I was, uh
I was just in the neighborhood
and thought I'd hop on
two subways and a Citi Bike
and come say hi.
A Citi Bike?
Oh, this city gal is flattered.
Jeepers.
Isn't he the cutest?
Oh, not dog running in his
sleep cute, but I'm all right.
Bobby, I have some good news.
I don't want you to
think I'm loose or fast
or whatever the kids say,
but I am available
for a night date, like a person.
Hey, really? That's great.
I usually save my day
dates for my grandma.
She likes a noon dinner.
- I like a noon
- No.
Since we're going out at night,
I can cancel all the romantic errands
we were gonna run to the bank
and my dry cleaners.
Now I can take you to a movie.
There's this new theater
that has couches
and waiter service.
Wow.
We work in a restaurant
and we don't have waiter service.
He has a bank and clean clothes?
- Caroline, don't screw this up.
- (laughs)
Paging Dr.
Pringle,
you're needed in my stomach.
Okay, pop quiz on
running the dessert bar.
What do you do if a customer chokes?
Look, if I have to cut a
hole in someone's throat,
I'll cut a hole in someone's throat.
Cutting a hole in people can't
be your answer for everything.
Next one.
What do you
do if there's a fire?
Follow up question: did I
or did I not start said fire?
Either way, I'm cutting
a hole in someone.
Okay you failed this quiz now twice.
Especially the essay portion.
I'm calling Bobby and canceling.
Oh.
They're home.
He means, hey, girls.
How did you get a key to our apartment?
They specifically say on them,
"Do not copy for Oleg.
"
I find that when you go
in a Home Depot pantless,
they'll do anything
to get you out quick.
We come down here on our date nights
to pretend we're two destitute girls
who are sleeping together for warmth.
Why do you guys come here?
Why don't you go to, like,
I don't know, Olive Garden?
Yeah, this is date night.
Not find an overweight
guy to film us night.
Staying in is a tradition.
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