1
Max, we're back!
Oh that sucks.
This place didn't
burn down while we were gone
like I had hoped.
The night is young, and I have
a Roman candle in my pocket.
Hi, welcome to the Williamsburg diner.
Table for two?
Don't be silly, Earl.
It's us, Max and Caroline.
And I'm Earl.
Smoking or nonsmoking?
Glad to have you back.
Max and Caroline!
You're back from your road trip.
And right on time
for yesterday's shift.
We're also not working today.
Tomorrow's not great either.
Ugh, thank God you're back.
Besides Han, there hasn't been
a girl in here in days, and
she's not my type.
What is your type?
Hepatitis A, B, or C?
So what did you bring us?
Uh, you guys don't understand.
We got kicked off a riverboat,
almost crashed a plane,
and lost everything we own.
Honestly, it's a miracle we're alive.
So no gifts?
(Peter Bjorn and John)
Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
[cash register bell dings]
Let's get to the dessert bar
so we can see the work they did.
Also so people don't think
we're customers here.
I'm excited to see it too,
and now that Randy and
I are really over,
I promise to give
the dessert bar my full 5%.
Make it 6%.
I mean, what else am I gonna do, hmm?
Stop.
Oleg, stop blocking the door.
We're not on a date with you.
We want to see the dessert bar.
Eh, sure,
but before you go in there,
do you want to see a cute picture
of me, Sophie, and baby Barbara?
Sure.
(both yelling)
You didn't say it was in the bathtub.
Well, now that you're annoyed
and hopefully a little impressed
Mm-mm.
I can tell you
I had to fire your contractor.
BOTH: What?
I thought I could do a better job.
- BOTH: What?
- I couldn't.
I can't believe Oleg!
How the hell could he let
a complete stranger
(both gasp)
Do such an amazing job?
Wow.
Wait, we're still killing Oleg,
though, right?
'Cause the wheels are already
in motion.
Oh, my God, look at the doors.
(gasps) And the molding?
And the sconces?
I don't remember
what an orgasm is like,
but I think I might be having one.
Hey, girls.
Welcome home.
Baby Barbara thought you were dead.
Isn't that funny?
Not "Vince Vaughn doing drama"
funny, but what is?
Wow, Barbara got so big
while we were gone.
Oh, shh!
You got to give her a break,
'cause she got
her Uncle Fatso's genes.
By the way, Sophie, thank you
for watching our horse
while we were gone.
He's my favorite roommate.
Aww, well, you know what,
that's what friends are for.
And I'm sure you would
do the same for me
if I needed a favor.
- Of course we would.
- Good, 'cause I need a favor.
Yeah, see,
I joined this mommy
support group, you know,
to make sure that I'm holding
the baby up right,
or you know,
that I don't get too jealous
when people compliment her.
The standard mom stuff.
So what's the favor?
I'll do anything up to
a Class B felony.
I still have one strike left.
Well, I'm hosting,
and there are gonna be a lot
of sloppy babies there,
so I'm looking for a real dump.
Can I use your place?
- Aww.
- Sophie, I don't think
(laughs) Thank you, girls.
Yeah, you're the best,
no matter what baby Barbara
tells her friends.
I thought Barbara liked me.
I'm gonna text her.
Oh, hey.
I'm Bobby.
I did the work on your bar.
You must be Max and Caroline.
I'm Maroline, and this is Cax.
(stammering)
- I mean
- Yeah, let's just move past it.
Uh, we're who you said.
Well, I hope you like it.
The only guidance I got
was from your friend Oleg,
who just kept saying "sluttier.
"
And then he showed me
a picture of him in the bathtub.
You did an amazing job.
I mean, what you did with those knobs.
Polished brass.
Looks like you want to
polish his brass.
And how do you like the satin
on the sconces?
(gasps) Oh, my God.
My knees are wiggling.
You like that?
- And the finish on the molding?
- Oh, love it!
I think she's about to
finish on the molding.
You're the only man
who knew what I wanted
without me having to
tell him three times
and then give up.
Hey, great.
I'll tell the boss you liked it.
"Bobby, you did it again.
"
In case you missed it, I'm the boss.
(laughing)
See, 'cause he's the boss,
so he was telling himself.
It's too many levels for her.
Hey, um, listen,
I should probably get going,
but if you need anything else,
you can call me.
Or my boss.
Anytime.
Well, I might just
have to call you both.
Ciao!
"Ciao"?
Unless you're gonna say
"mein" after that,
I don't know what you're talking about.
He's really cute.
Oh, you think so?
You were playing it pretty cool,
Maroline.
(laughs)
(all laughing)
Ooh, oops.
Oh, don't worry,
you can ruin everything in here.
I don't care.
(laughing)
I do.
I just scrubbed the couch.
How much longer do we
have to stay in here?
Caroline's talking about
a third grade field trip.
I got lost in Toronto.
Girls, ignore them.
Society does.
Yeah.
Uh, so where are your babies?
Out parking the car?
(laughs)
See, I don't let Barbara drive yet.
Should I?
We don't bring 'em to the meetings.
They ruin everything.
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