So, to be clear, you want delivery from this diner? Yes, I do know what delivery means.
Do you know what E.
coli means? Where do you live? If he eats from here, in his bathroom in about an hour.
Will you be needing napkins? Utensils? The number for Poison Control? Well, good luck.
The delivery boy is on his way.
Oh, this is good.
I need the exercise.
I feel like I'm getting a little chubby! Oh, I know.
I can see it through those shorts.
I was a delivery boy in Vietnam.
I mostly delivered bad news, like, "That hooker was a dude.
" Here's that tuna salad and hurry.
Like that astronaut who drove across the country in a diaper, it's not gonna travel well.
See you later, haters.
And remember, Earl's in charge when I'm gone.
Earl's in charge? Okay.
I have a business degree.
He had all three types of diabetes.
But I get it.
I'll be gone for 20.
Speaking of 4:20, Max, you wanna go smoke some weed? The man in charge just sparked up a doobie.
But I get it.
And I'm about to get it.
Oh, no.
Am I in charge forever? Who the hell parked a Rascal in a bike lane? Uh that's my bad.
It almost destroyed my helmet! I know.
I can see it through those shorts.
And this is the sprinkle station.
Last stop on the cupcake train.
And this is the cash register, where there'll be money someday.
And this is Max, the other half of Max's Homemade Cupcakes.
Your little movie is about to be rated R for strong, brutal violence.
Stop filming me.
I'm not filming.
I'm Periscoping.
Isn't periscoping when you do mouth stuff on a guy while he keeps a lookout for the cops? Not all sex has to involve the threat of an arrest, Max.
Periscope is a social media app that streams live videos to your followers.
Tell everyone in Brooklyn who loves food festivals that we'll be at the Taste of Bushwick tomorrow.
Or you can follow me into the bathroom while I change, and they can see some bushwick right now.
Max, this is great PR.
That's "public relations," not "Puerto Rican.
" I know you were disappointed when I took you to that PR seminar and there were no cock fights.
I liked the Internet when the only thing you could do was look at cat pictures and find out how old John Stamos is.
He turned 53 in August! You know what's sad? I'm too old to date him.
If Periscope is such great PR, how many viewers did you just have? One.
But maybe it was a really important one.
Really loving your Periscope presence, Caroline! Okay.
It's a small build.
I still maintain that Periscoping will be great for our business.
For the record, I was filming my business way before it was called "Periscoping.
" Hi, everybody! Oleg, I picked up your dry cleaning, and good news! They were able to get the raspberry stains out of your banana hammock! Oh, Lord.
Now who's gonna dry clean my mouth? So you picked up my dry cleaning instead of my cousin from the airport? Your cousin's in town? That's weird.
I didn't get an alert on my phone.
Sophie, how could you forget? This is why we started doing sudoku.
I thought you started doing sudoku 'cause she was hot and willing.
I got a lot on my mind.
I'm trying to design our future baby.
See, girls, I read this article that says you can spin sperm to get rid of the bad stuff.
So Oleg's not gonna be the father? It's true.
There's a new technology where you can select the baby's genes.
I miss selecting jeans.
Now I just reach into the $3 bin and hope for the best.
Well, I'm gonna spin that jazz till I get a girl baby with green eyes and Jennifer Aniston's second nose and and my butt! Why can't we get pregnant the natural way? Up against a fence.
Hello.
I'm Gortak.
You look familiar.
Didn't you rib a dragon on "Game of Thrones"? Gortak! There's my little cousin.
Hi! I think my iPhone case is made out of gortak.
Hi, I'm Oleg's wife, Sophie.
And you're one tall drink of yak's milk.
You know it, baby.
And he's taking that tall right to the bank.
Gortak just signed to play pro basketball.
No way! Basketball is my favorite sport, next to bum wrestling! I'm in town for a game against Brooklyn.
Brooklyn's my team.
They stink.
Yeah, well, I relate to anybody who's not doing that great.
Hey, I'm Max.
I used to shoot around in juvi.
We played arsonists versus attempted murderers.
I did a lot of ribbon dancing.
Caroline's kind of the Screech of the group.
And here comes Mr.
Belding.
Max, it's almost your shift.
Why haven't you changed into your uniform? It's almost spring.
Why haven't you changed into a butterfly? Han, this is my cousin Gortak.
Gortak, this is Jackass boss.
Virgin.
"Little People, Big World.
" I didn't catch all of that, but I didn't love what I caught.
Oleg, do you and your Sophie want to come to the game tomorrow night? I have two tickets.
Oh, perfect timing.
As of yesterday, I'm allowed to be within 50 feet of cheerleaders.
Yeah, no.
You know what? I'm sorry.
I'm out.
You know, tonight I have to genetically modify a person while I watch "The Good Wife.
" Take me, Oleg! Which is the only time you will ever hear me say that.
Good idea, Max.
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