Max, the guy is coming right now.
That's the first time anyone's ever been polite enough to announce that to me.
Yeah, hilarious, sex is messy.
Now hurry! Let's get these cupcakes to the window before that guy gets here, and when he does, Max, don't turn around.
Why? You know why.
_ And here we are on the much traveled Bedford Street right in the very heart of historic Williamsburg.
This guy is so boring.
He's like a roofy with a little flag.
During the 1830s, German and Austrian capitalists established their businesses here in historic Williamsburg Brooklyn.
And, in honor of those German and Austrian founding fathers, here we have our Williamsburg beer-batter cupcake.
Oof-yah, beer batter! It's good! Wow, you're pushing harder than I was after I ate that whole brick of cheese.
Soon, docks, shipyards, refineries, mills, and other booming businesses opened along the growing waterfront.
Businesses just like Max's Homemade Cupcakes.
See, made in Williamsburg.
Only 12.
95, 100% cotton.
And I'm guessing cotton oof-ya, ees good! Actually, I was referencing booming Williamsburg businesses.
This is one of those small Williamsburg businesses that won't be here much longer.
Follow me.
Oh, sir, no, a free dessert comes with your end-of-tour meal at the Ye Olde Williamsburg Watering Hole Restaurant.
Don't waste your Euros.
How dare he tell those people our business won't be here.
I haven't been this speechless since the first time I saw your toe nails.
Who cares what he thinks? We had such a good month, I had enough cash to buy my own box of S'mores Pop-Tarts, a goal I've had since I was 11.
My other goal was making it to 12.
By the way, you heard I referenced the Pop-Tarts as "my own box," right? Max, I'm not interested in your box.
Well, not for another ten years when we're still single.
I can't believe that tour guide is telling people that our cupcake business is gonna fail.
I mean, it's one thing for you, me, and Time Out New York to say it, but I just hate that tour guy.
I hate that tour guy too! Han, oh, my God! It took us five years, but we finally have something in common.
That's not true.
Aren't you both an A-cup? Can you believe he's telling his entire tour that our cupcake business is gonna fail? Just to play devil's advocate, maybe he has the most basic understanding of supply and demand.
Han, don't blow this, it might be our only connection ever.
Who the hell does that dickweed think he is? Exactly.
And I hate him because that tour never eats in here.
He just keeps pushing his stupid Ye Olde Williamsburg Watering Hole.
I don't want to hear anymore about that guy's hole! Until ten years from now when you're still single.
Hey, everybody! Well, it happened.
Ryan Seacrest came out? Oh, Max, don't be silly.
No, I'm pretty sure that happened a couple of years ago.
My biggest dream has come true.
Kentucky Fried Chicken now comes with free hair extensions? Okay, my second biggest dream.
I'm pregnant.
Oh, no everyone just thinks that after they'd had the chicken Parmesan here.
It's not official.
I haven't peed on a stick yet, but my boobs are really, really sore.
That could be my handy-work, baby.
Well, we're about to find out in a minute 'cause I'm about to go pee like a race whore.
Sophie, the phrase is "race horse.
" Uh, not in Poland.
See, I got a whole bunch of these things 'cause, uh, my aim isn't very good.
Yeah, I have what the doctors call "a forked stream.
" Well, whichever of those you don't use, I'll take.
It'll be nice not to throw myself down a flight of stairs every time I have a hunch.
Oh, all right, well.
Wish me luck, girls.
Oh, wait up, Sophie! I'll hold the stick under you while you urinate.
Oleg, you're gonna make a great father.
Is it even possible for Sophie to have a baby? I mean, didn't that window close around the same time Blockbuster Video did? Well, we don't know how old she is.
Sophie's ageless, like a unicorn or Anderson Cooper.
Caroline, I found a city website where we can complain about that tour guide.
Why, what'd he do to you? Confuse you with a historic Williamsburg fire hydrant? Up top! Um, things have changed.
I'm kind of all about the Han and me connection right now.
Sorry, Max, you're out.
Han, complaining online doesn't work.
True, if it did, they would have replaced my faulty Legos by now.
I say we gotta find him and knock some sense into him.
I'm in.
That's the first time Han has ever said that to a woman.
All right, can I just come? That tour guide keeps going on and on into his mic in front of that bunch of Euro trash.
It's like Madonna on tour.
Forget this Ye Olde Williamsburg place.
Those people should be having desserts at my diner! Yeah, if they wanted Ye Olde Desserts, they should have come to us.
We've got lady fingers so old, they have arthritis.
Ooh, okay, here he comes.
Get ready! Oh, who am I kidding? I can't do this! I'm not a violent person, and full disclosure, this is a Nerf bat.
Sorry, Caroline, I hope this doesn't affect our budding friendship/ you never know, possible romance.
Never gonna happen.
Okay, Han's dead to me.
It's back to me and you.
Thank God.
Those couple of hours were hell.
For me too.
Hi, we need to talk to you.
I'm Caroline from Max's Homemade Cupcakes.
Oh, yeah, right.
I didn't recognize you without the worst German accent I ever heard.
And you are? Dannon.
Like the yogurt? It's a family name.
Listen, Yoplait.
I personally don't give a crap what you think, but you bad-mouthing our business is upsetting my girl here.
You got that, Activia? Look, girls, I'm not just talking about your business.
All the businesses on that block are gonna close.
It's getting plowed for an IMAX theatre.
Oh, my God.
I know.
Another Max is getting plowed on our block? - Morning.
- Yeah.
I can't believe they're replacing us with an IMAX.
That subway psychic told me my business would skyrocket.
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