Miss? I have to apologize.
Well, not to me, but I'm sure the Amish are pissed that you're gaying up their look.
I don't have enough money for the tip.
Weird.
You survive the diner chili, and it's the waitress that kills you! But I can tip another way.
I'm a psychic.
So, uh, you already know where they're gonna find your body.
Oh, please.
I die in a bridge collapse you have nothing to do with.
I can tell you your future.
Ha! You're wrong.
I don't have one.
See the guy in the booth over there? Jared "Leto Himself Go"? He just offered to read my future as my tip! Ha! You don't have one.
Miss, let me read your palm.
Sir, coming over here right now is not a good idea.
We don't like to be stiffed by strangers.
In six months, maybe, but we're not there yet.
I'm a legit psychic.
I predicted long hair was coming back in time to have long hair when it did.
Okay.
You can read my palm.
I could use some good news.
I could also use some hand moisturizer sorry.
I see two Ms? You bitch! Have you been holding out on M&M's? Ooh! Is it the male model I'm managing who's also making it with Max? Actually I see a small failure.
I take it back.
You are good! (Peter Bjorn and John) Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh [cash register bell dings] - Here's your chocolate lemon crumble.
Sounds like it shouldn't work together, but it does.
It's the Tony Bennett and Lady Gaga of desserts.
Max, can I have just a wee bite? A crumble of the crumble? Caroline won't let me eat anything because of my big photo shoot.
[sighs] Hurry! No chewing, no enjoying.
Just swallow.
Spit that out! No! I said spit that out! You're a model now! Shame on you! Bitch, he's starving.
He's not eating, is he? I don't want the Stay Puft Marshmallow man showing up at my girlfriend's photo shoot.
I haven't eaten anything since Tuesday! This morning, he tried to swallow his toothpaste, but I was right there to stop him.
Good, honey.
That kind of heartlessness is why I've decided to make you the manager of our hot new location of the High.
Oh, my God! This is so exciting! Someone's finally realizing my full potential, and it's not me! Will I be able to make Max head pastry chef? And where is this new location? Well, right now, everything's under wraps the way my face was six months ago.
But as manager, you can hire your own staff, and I'll even let you poach Max.
I'll also tell you the new spot is amazing.
It's international.
It's a hub.
I'm talking major flagship.
Honey, I get that you're happy, but enough with the eye contact.
No one can look me in the eye.
I'm the Medusa in Chanel.
Max doesn't let me look her in the eyes during sex either.
I told you, eye contact's extra.
Max, did you hear that? Major flagship! Uh, did someone just call me a major flag? I think you did, and if I don't get to go to the new place with you two, I'm telling HR.
That's Hector Rodriguez, my therapist.
Would you be interested in coming to the new High as part of our team? If you say "part of our team" again, I'll rethink the whole thing.
I'll take it.
But I have to be upfront with Max.
I don't like it in the back.
Which, by the way, is what I say to all my dates.
Samesies! Well, this is great news.
How about we celebrate with a piece of pie? No! Earl, we have great news.
Guess what it is.
No, don't.
Okay, guess.
No, don't.
Yes, guess, guess! Can we hurry this along? My cousin is on Maury Povich today, and I wanna find out if he's the father.
'Cause then I can stop paying child support.
Sorry.
She's a little amped.
She hasn't had good news to share since we found out the washing machine in our basement takes buttons.
Sure, you do.
And I'm playing center for the New York Knicks! Have you seen the Knicks lately? He can only help.
Well, according to my time card, I've been here for six hours already, so I'm gonna head back and catch some Zs.
The Mattress is all yours, Max.
Hey, everybody.
We weren't expecting company.
I came by to discuss wedding details with Oleg while we had intercourse.
What is this, the Bunny Ranch? Baby, I think these are yours.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Why, thank you, honey.
Can we just make it a general rule that there's no fornication in the diner? Or in Han's apartment, ever.
Okay, Max and I have some really exciting news.
Yeah, yeah.
We know all about the buttons.
Oleg! I think you crushed my seating arrangement! I'd like to think so.
So, back to us.
How 'bout back to work? Max and I Need to do some work! There.
End of news.
Where are you running off to so fast? Is someone having a sale on smaller heads? I'm too small, I'm too big pick one! Here's our big news.
You are looking at the manager and the head pastry chef of the brand-new High location.
Actually, he's looking at our kneecaps.
Okay, so we're going with too small.
If you two quit the diner, how will I ever replace you? Unless I hire literally anyone else! No, Han, we still have to work here at night.
We have more debt than Jada Pinkett-Smith has excuses for Will not being home.
But at the new High, we're gonna be the big bosses calling all the shots.
Yes, yes by day.
But by night, you'll be the coleslaw's bitch.
Don't listen to him.
Clearly, Han just resents our success.
I know! Why can't women ever just be happy for each other? Wow, that is really hot.
Yeah.
The milder salsa's right here.
Listen oh! Do girls eat now? Wow! Lena Dunham changed everything! Listen, which one of you is sleeping with the model? I know one of you said you were, but I don't listen when you talk.
[muffled] She is.
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