Max, did you pick up the tip from table two? No, but I'm pretty sure I picked up a staph infection.
So they literally gave me their two cents worth.
This is so embarrassing, even Abe Lincoln won't make eye contact.
Girls, I need you to do something for me.
You know the rule: nothing for you, on you, near you, or in us.
I'm going to restroom.
Keep eye on the kitchen.
I have a four-minute egg and a five-minute date with the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue.
Hey, do you see what I see? A fire? No, a way out of this job.
Lord Jesus, there's a fire.
You two gonna do anything about that? 'Cause I'm not.
I don't mess with fire or Presbyterians.
Fire, fire! I smell fire! Well, don't just stand there.
Do something! We are.
S'mores! You'd think you want this place to burn to the ground.
You'd think that.
Caroline, do something.
I'm on it.
Chocolate? Han, not too close.
You know you can never get the smell of Korean barbecue out of your clothes.
Either he put the fire out, or that little robot just had an orgasm.
* Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh * * Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh * Welcome to The High dessert bar.
I'm the hostess slash quasi-manager.
First day in, got a huge promosh.
I hate to brag, but the word âdazzlingâ was used.
Yeah, by you.
Little to no power has really gone to your head.
It has.
She's like the Putin of pastry.
But doesn't it feel good to not just be working at the diner? I haven't slipped on one used baby diaper all day.
Speaking of babies, look, there's Han.
That's, like, the third time I caught him spying on us.
Why would he stalk two of his worst employees? I know.
It's like Where's Waldo? when you don't want to find Waldo.
Not seeing a hostess up in here.
She meant quasi-manager.
If Marty Scorsese walks in here, do you want him to seat himself? He'll be lost.
Lost.
Sorry, Joe, I was just over there giving Max Honey, I'll download an audiobook if I want to hear a story.
I want you to meet someone.
Me too, and I'm sure I will when the time is right and I'm open to it.
Kind of focusing on me right now.
Stop.
Learn to read faces.
I'm not talking about you.
I'm talking about him.
Hello, pleasure to meet you.
I'm Nashit.
Nashit's an Indian name, and isn't that an Irish accent I detect? Or have I just lost consciousness from how white your teeth are? Yes, it is.
My father's Indian.
My mother's Irish.
He's Irish.
He's Indian.
He's East meets West.
He's everything in a hot Irish coffee, boy band package.
I found him on the street next to a dirty chair.
Hi, I'm Caroline, the hostess slash quasi-manager at The High.
Are you high? 'Cause that was a lot of talking.
Who is this, and where can I get one? This is Nashit, our new waiter.
Oh, it's lovely to meet you.
Can you say âmagically deliciousâ? I really want Nashit to work out.
I like it when good-looking people succeed.
Well, I guess that's good news for me.
Is it? Hi, honey.
Have you met the new waiter? I love him.
He's my favorite.
If I did men, he would've been done by now.
Hmm, so you think you're pretty.
Well, I do too.
Okay, Nashit, pay attention.
These are the tables.
This is the dessert bar.
And these are my boobs.
Max, be professional.
These are my boobs, sir.
Please, I have to make him a waiter.
Fine, you make him a waiter, and I'll just make him later.
Here you go.
This isn't yours, is it? No, because they already have dessert.
Damn it.
You asked for water, like, an hour ago, didn't you? I'm so sorry.
Oh, don't you worry those lips.
And what's an hour when we have our whole lives ahead of us? Max, I don't know what I'm gonna do.
I stink as a waiter.
This is desperate.
Well, desperate times call for us making out.
Hey, I have a question for you.
Your skin is so creamy and white.
You must have a little Irish in you.
I've had a lot of little Irishes in me.
That's meant to be dirty, right? Well, I just mean that I think you're quite beautiful.
Oh, well, then I just mean we're doing it.
I did not think there was somebody who had a prettier nose or was worse than me waiting tables, but here we are.
Nashit, there's not a fork in the mix out there.
Now, get out there and fork those women.
Take it easy on him.
I don't want him to be all forked out by the time he gets to me.
I'm gonna have so much sex on my bed with Nashit that I'm gonna need a new sheet.
Aren't you too old for him? Yeah, but that test said mentally I'm 14, so we can totally do it.
Well, I'm off to Chinatown to have someone put needles in me.
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