That's it for tonight.
Time to count the tip jar.
Hand condom.
I can't believe you.
Using protection is so five years ago.
This is Williamsburg.
There's a good chance even the dollars have herpes.
Well, if those singles have herpes, they should just lie about it till they get married like everybody else does.
Oh, good, you're still open.
Oh, yes, we are.
What can I get you? Everything in the register.
Oh, my god.
It's a hipster hold-up.
Hand it over.
I have a gun.
Well, I have a death wish so that's not gonna work.
Look, pal, we work at this cupcake window from 2:00 to 4:00, six nights a week, and that is after eight hours of slinging hash at the diner next door for lousy minimum wage, which a bunch of rich politicians out in Help me out.
Washington.
What she said.
Don't wanna raise.
Then, we walk home to our illegal one bedroom apartment, get three hours of nyquil induced sleep before we have to get back up and share a bowl of spanish language cheerios.
It's the same thing but the "C" wears a sombrero.
So, no, I am not about to give you our hard-earned money.
And if you're gonna shoot me, better aim good.
'cause if you miss, I will climb over this counter, tear off your head, and it'll be our new tip jar.
Yeah, I just robbed pizza pizza.
Here's a $20.
Have a good night.
I have a way with people.
ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh Look, I just saw that our cupcake competition, "Brooklyn Bitty Bites" went out of business.
Yup, it's being changed into a medical marijuana store.
I already have my hole-punch card.
Buy four brownies and the fifth buzz is free.
Brooklyn Bitty Bites bit it! Yeah! We won! Eat it, red haired lady and your asian daughter! Max, them going down right after the death of the cupcake giant, "Crumbs," is scary.
It's like there's a serial killer out there coming after cupcakes.
Well, he should be easy to outrun, 'cause that'll be one fat Dexter.
Seriously, we have a big problem.
I'm back! And there's our little problem.
Wow, you don't usually see the ventriloquist's dummy out of his suitcase alone.
Hello, Earl.
Hello, Caroline.
Hello, reason I do two hours of phone therapy every wednesday before work.
So, did you all miss me? You were gone? 'cause I swear I just saw you yesterday.
Wait, maybe that was a cat.
I was gone, people! To San Francisco for a convention.
The restaurant and diner association.
"RADASS".
You were at something called "RADASS" in San Francisco? Are you sure it wasn't "REDASS"? I am not gay.
I'm restaurant curious.
I discovered an exciting new item for our menu.
No way.
No new menu additions.
I already lie awake in bed worrying about how high the food bar is here.
Pick up! Pulled pork.
And it's good 'cause before I pulled it, I gave it a dry rub.
It's $4 toast.
$4 toast? That's $5 more than our toast is worth.
Delicious, homemade artisan bread.
At first, I was reluctant to put something so big in my mouth.
But the hot butter drizzling down my chin was my sticky reward.
Han, that toast is trendy foodie food.
It'll die here, like my soul did.
Our customers are just plain, normal people.
Hey, everybody! And Sophie.
Guess what? Oh, 79! Now it's 80! How long have you been on Tinder? Ten minutes! Oh, look, oh, my gosh! This guy's a plumber.
Are you kidding me? Yes, that's a match! And this guy isn't even wearing a shirt! That's another big yes! Oh, gosh, girls, I'll be over here, looking at boys in my booth.
Hey, I know a girl who met her husband on Tinder.
No, wait, she saw her husband on Tinder.
Hey, are wheelchairs sexy? I guess it depends on who's in one.
I say no.
Hold the presses.
I just got a new tweet from my gal, Kim Kardashian.
Oh, she just bought her some new boots in Manhattan.
Kim Kardashian is epic.
She was on the cover of Vogue.
She's on fire.
So? I've been on fire.
That's the last time I try witchcraft for the free snacks.
I love the Kardashians.
They're like the Kennedys but with bigger asses.
Text me next time.
This whole talking thing is insane.
Hi! Who would I talk to about finding the owner of Max's Homemade Cupcakes? That's Max.
I'm Caroline.
We're the owners of this store.
And about four pairs of socks.
Great.
Wonderful.
Such a cute shop.
Would you be interested in having a popular Yes.
I didn't finish my sentence.
Sorry, I just haven't heard the word "popular" in so long.
Oh, yeah, she's over.
She's the Blockbuster video of people.
Would you be interested in having a popular reality show filmed here? You I'm so sorry.
I have to take this.
Just a minute.
What? Just say it already.
Come on.
Max, this is great.
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