Oh, hey.
You ready? I can't.
I just can't.
Everyone feels like that the first few times you eat here.
It's like heroin.
It makes you sick, and you think, "I'll never do that again," and here we are.
No, we put our project on Kickstarter, and we're getting major funding right now.
And I can't.
I just can't.
Kickstarter that's the website where strangers give money for crap that no one in the real world would invest in, right? Exactly, but our project isn't crap.
It's bananas.
We design candles with arms.
I can't.
I just can't.
Don't you have a passion project something you've always wanted to do? Yeah, you can't just want to be a waitress your whole life.
Actually I do have a Kickstarter idea.
I'd like to start kicking your asses! You know we work for tips, right? Yeah.
This one got away from me.
Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh Okay, listen up, it's Tuesday, and like Martin Luther King, I have a dream.
Tonight you will do side work.
Hold up, girl.
I have ten minutes till my shift starts.
Max, that is not appropriate.
I'm your boss.
Don't call me "girl.
" Yes, ma'am.
Okay, you want to play? I'll play.
Hey, sir.
Hey, big Manny man.
Why don't you show me your penis? Han, you know I don't have a penis.
It's the only thing we have in common.
Where's Caroline? In the back at our cupcake shop.
Why you don't open your walk-up window till you close here at night? She's getting a jump on our side work.
What? We can't do ours and yours.
Relax, Marjorie.
Keep it up, Max, and one day I will show you my penis.
And you'll be sorry.
Yes.
Yes, I will.
That's it! New rule! No more making fun of the boss! Han doesn't want us calling him names anymore.
It's like, if you don't want to be called names, don't look like that.
When a fire starts to burn, right Why is the window open? What is all that? It's me, if I had lived.
When a fire starts to burn, right Oh, my God.
Did you see that rack? See it? I have to carry it around all day.
I've been wearing the same clothes every day for two years.
Now, I know that's your dream scenario, but to me, it's a horror show.
Go get new clothes.
Just go to the place around the corner and buy some cheap ones.
Max, they sell clothes by the pound.
That's why it's called the fashion pound, and that is why it is awesome.
Look, I'm willing to cut a lot of other things, including my wrists, but I need quality clothes.
The only reason I've been able to wear these pants every day is because they're quality.
Well, that and a lot of febreze, which reminds me I used to smell like money.
Now I smell like pennies.
And, Max, you need a hit.
'Breze me.
Hi, girls.
Did you see the high-fashion model shoot? I was too short to be a model in Poland.
Well, I guess you can't have it all, right? Do I smell febreze? That's my second-favorite scent.
Oh, and there's my first-favorite scent.
Hey, Sophie.
I'm sorry.
Have we met? I'm not good with faces that I never want to see again.
What happened? I thought you guys were gonna be friends.
Yeah, messed-up, passive-aggressive friends who occasionally sleep together, like Ryan Seacrest and Simon Cowell.
Oh, okay, I see what you're doing.
You're pretending like we don't have movie-character names for our private parts.
Well, good-bye, miss, and give my regards to Mrs.
Doubtfire.
Okay, E.
T.
, go home! Here's your mail, girls.
Max, Sophie had a new purse.
Everybody has something new.
Even the homeless lady on the bus had a new barrette, and even though her feet were split open, I still felt jealous.
Oh, this is not a bill.
Now, that's a first.
"We are offering you a new phone, "as older flip-model phones such as yours have been degraded.
" They're slut-shaming phones now? I don't want a new anything.
And I like my old flip.
Where's my damn letter from the pants company, saying, "girl, those things are tired" here's a new pair for free"? If you want something for free, why don't you just go on Kickstarter like everyone else? You can't use it for clothes.
Can you? And if you can, can I? Why not? It's no stupider than candle arms.
Now, if the candles had real arms and could slap the idiots who bought them, I'd invest in that.
Max, we have nothing, and if anybody is giving us something for free, we're taking it.
You are getting that free phone, and I am begging for free clothes.
Things are looking up.
You might want to Kickstart some underwear.
Well, obviously, they don't have anything.
Let's go.
Max, stop.
My pants just ripped some more.
I have to fix them again.
Hey, quality, why don't you just take them to Office Depot and get them tailored? Let's shop.
Ow.
Uh-oh, they're ripping again.
I feel a breeze up in my febreze.
How can I help you? Oh, hey.
Hi, uh, Chiandra.
Where can I get a new flip phone? Mm, let me think.
Guatemala.
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