Oh, my God! We have customers? What's going on? Why are there so many hipsters here? Are we selling stupid hats and telling them they're more talented than they actually are? No, that's already a store.
It's called "Fedorable.
" You've been working so hard to get us customers in, I wanted to contribute by finding a way to get in the neighborhood hipsters.
So Here's our new flyer.
You made up a new flyer without talking to me about it first? I renamed all the cupcakes after people from the '90s! "Max's Homemade Cupcakes.
We've got all your flavor flavs.
" Hipsters love '90s nostalgia more than they love pretending not to love anything.
"Come in and lick a Beavis.
Eat a Butt-head.
" The pistachio is now called the Dennis Rodman because it's such a dumb-ass flavor.
Cute.
Wait, what's going on over there? Why are all those cupcakes smashed? Those are the Nancy Kerrigans.
I don't know if it's in good taste to make fun of her personal tragedy.
- I sold eight of them.
- Screw her, you're a genius! Ooh, ooh, can I name one? How 'bout we call the day-olds the Hugh Hefners? That's not '90s.
He's in his 90s, and he's stale and hard.
Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh Can I get a Jonathan Taylor Thomas to go and two of the Spice Girls? Any one but "Baby.
" Sure.
Dude, you should come to the '90s trivia contest every Monday at the Bar Bar.
You could win, like, big money.
Yeah, and then I could pay for the lobotomy I'd need to forget that I ever participated in a hipster contest in a bar.
Cute hat.
You're very talented.
I'm putting this flyer up in the window.
Oh, look, there's a street performer trying to get people to dance with his marionette outside our shop.
Uhoh, not cool! No hipster wants to crump with a puppet.
See, he just chased them away.
We'll just ask him to move, but we have to be nice.
Nice? Nice Oh, yeah, that's the thing you are to the welfare lady while your mom's in the bedroom hiding the new TV.
Hi, how are you? We own this cupcake-- Shh! Not while he's dancing.
Oh, I'm sorry, would you like me to wait? Oh, this dude's a serial killer.
Uh Oh.
Uh Do you want me to Yup, total serial killer.
Just a matter of time till we're hung on strings in his basement.
And I probably just got puppet herpes.
Well, I hope you enjoyed your kiss with charming Pierre.
Now, if you wouldn't mind Oh, Pierre's a prostitute? It's a little weird for him to do it out in the open, but if he can't afford a car, he can't afford a car.
Oh, you're one of those-- a woman without wonder.
Not true.
In fact, I'm wondering how you manage to pay rent.
Okay, could you two just move along? I have another show in five minutes.
That was a show? Look, you can't do your little skits here.
She doesn't mean to be negative.
She's right.
I was planning to be all positive till your doll raped her leg.
Pierre is not a doll, okay? He is a marionette.
Hand-carved by me.
And I don't do "skits," okay? I received a national endowment for my work.
What? The government pays for stuff like this, and I can't get my back tooth fixed? Well, I, for one, really appreciate the art of puppetry.
I can tell you do, and So can Pierre.
You know, he doesn't just approach anybody.
I'm Caroline.
This is Max.
And you are? My stage name is J.
Petto.
Oh, so cute.
Geppetto, like Pinocchio's father.
No, it's "J," period, "Petto.
" Disney owns the rights to the name Geppetto, so once again, the poor, starving artist gets screwed! So sad.
Can you move? See, this is our cupcake shop, and you're blocking the entrance.
Uh, this is a public space, and I know my rights.
Showtime! I was trying to be nice, but you are the rudest puppeteer I've ever met.
And I'm including Shari Lewis, who told my father to shove it on my fifth birthday! Let's go, Max.
Hey Doll man.
You don't want to mess with us.
I make one call to the cops, they do a background check, and I'm pretty sure you'd go from "J.
Petto" to "J.
Petto-phile.
" Miss, I dropped my David Hasselhoff.
Well, it's not the first time he's been on the floor.
Hey, you can't talk to me like that.
I studied puppetry in Paris at the Palais-- Aah! Oh, my God, he slipped on David Hasselhoff! - Are you okay? - Yeah.
Yeah, I'm fine, I'm fine.
I'm just a little embarrassed.
Oh, no, no.
I landed on Pierre! Pierre? Here, have a seat.
Would either of you like a coffee or a free cupcake? No, I'm just gonna pack up and go.
Thank you.
Come back anytime for a free cupcake.
But no need to bring your dolls.
They're not dolls! I'm a man! It's crazy how many hipsters came into our shop today from our new flyers.
We ran completely out of all the butterfinger Buttafuocos, the Joeys, and even the Mary Jos, which I did not think would sell.
I reworked the smashed Nancy Kerrigans and called it the Mary Jo.
Oh, girls, I'm so happy for you.
You know, I remember when my business first started to take off.
The first thing I did was to buy the little village that I grew up in and then burn it to the ground! I was just so angry they wouldn't let me be a cheerleader.
No, baby, that was the movie Carrie.
You fell asleep watching it last night.
Oh.
Yeah, I gotta stop watching movies late at night.
Once, for a whole year, I thought I framed Roger Rabbit.
I'm looking for the owners of Max's Homemade Cupcakes.
Oh, that's me.
Wow, word is really spreading.
- How can I help you? - You've been served.
Max, I just got served.
Did he go after your bangs? 'Cause that's where I'd start.
This is a lawsuit.
It says, "Max's Homemade Cupcakes is being sued "for injuries sustained in our shop by Myron Shales, A.
K.
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