Evening, hot shot.
Max, we got big trouble from Little China.
Hi, Max.
Big trouble? There's nothing big about him.
He looks like a *** in a bear claw machine.
Max, what is the worst sentence you ever want to come out of Han's mouth? I got you pregnant? Come on, bad, bad.
I got you pregnant again? I'm putting in karaoke.
No! No! Han Those guys better be up there because we're officially putting ass crack on the menu.
I am adding a TV to bring in more customers.
We can have theme nights, Ultimate Fighter nights, Real Housewives of Bravo City nights, and best of all, karaoke night.
You can't get hispters on microphone.
That's like throwing fire on a pretentious fire.
Hipsters like karaoke.
Replace the word "like" with the word "Hitler" and you got the three worst things in history.
Max, I hear what you say, but everybody else say "he-ey!" All my single ladies! Okay.
Next person is going to sing Teenage Dream by Katy Perry, who is pretty now but used to have very horrible acne.
This is the third Teenage Dream in 45 minutes.
Why don't I just close my nuts in the cashier's drawer? Come on up now, girl named "Stacey.
" I got this.
Look, I don't know you, but I like you.
And I respect both hair choices.
I hate karaoke.
I can't afford to have any more hate in my head.
My hate is at capacity.
Sit this one out, I'll comp your cobbler.
What did you do? I saved Earl's nuts.
Pick up! Hot food.
Pick up.
Calm your bells down, Oleg.
Not my stations.
Where's Caroline? Would it make you jealous if I said she was back here with me? Jealous? No.
Pissed? Probably, because we're busy and it would take me all that time to get the duct tape off her mouth and hands.
What are you doin' in here, snow white? If you're lookin' for one of your dwarves, he's out there, holding the mic.
Look, my bite is off.
See, I did the bite test.
The number seven incisor is crossing over number nine.
Hold up.
You know the names of your teeth? Don't you? I don't even know the name of my father.
Ow, I just bit my tongue.
Ah! Number 12 just joined the party.
I'd stop doing that right now.
You just made it into Oleg's spank bank.
Congratulations.
What am I gonna do without my bite guard? My teeth don't know where to go.
Well, maybe the should just backpack for a couple of years, so they figure it out.
Listen, perfect teeth, this is a nightmare for me.
The technical term for this is "advanced bruxism.
" And the technical term for you is "overly dramatic.
" Yesterday you freaked out 'cause we were out of toilet paper.
Just hold it till you get to work like everybody else.
Now, maybe I sing while others wait.
Uh-oh.
We got real problems now.
I choose Susan Boyle popular song from all clips on Internet.
It's called I Dream-- Keep dreaming.
Oh, you're back.
We thought you ran away.
Chestnut and I were just about to pick out another human from the shelter.
I had quite a day.
Grind, grind, pain.
Pain, pain, grind.
So I went to the drug store and bought an $8 bite guard, which didn't fit my freaky Tim Burton mouth.
And when I tried to return it, the cashier, Rhonda, whose nametag said she was happy to help, but who was neither happy nor helpful, said that I couldn't return it because it had already touched my "teef.
" For someone whose jaw is about to unhinge, you're sure flapping it a lot.
Why is this rag with my father on it here? Don't look at me.
Chestnut bought it.
He likes it when I read him his daily horse-oscope.
Why is everybody so obsessed with the fact that he hasn't said anything? Haven't you ever been at a loss for words? Tampons, yes.
Words, nah.
Well, this will make me feel better.
Whenever I'm in pain, I need a treat.
You know, whenever you're in pain, that is my treat.
Sushi! I hope you like crab roll.
I never had sushi.
That doesn't even make sense.
No sushi, no dentist Who are you? A poor person.
Sushi's lazy.
If I come to your restaurant, get up off your ass and cook the damn fish.
I wish we could afford to go to this little sushi place in Tribeca where my father always took me.
We had this little joke.
Every time we'd walk in, I'd always say And we would just laugh! So you're not funny in Japanese either.
I got this at a corner deli.
The cashier was Japanese.
She said it was good.
Oh, I'm sure it's great.
'Cause the disenfranchised immigrant serving the spoiled white girl would have no reason to lie.
Get ready for something heavenly! That's not heaven.
- Spit it out.
- Ugh! Ugh! What a disappointment.
Your first time.
Well, that's kinda the way it goes with me and first times.
Here, clean yourself off.
That's exactly the way it goes! It's not that bad.
It's not that bad.
It's not that bad.
No.
For a dentist office in the subway, it's pretty good.
Seriously, how are you not running out of here? I have no choice.
Now that I have no money or health insurance, I have to get used to this third-world situation.
Third-world situation? This is an underworld situation.
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