Hi, ready to order? Do you have anything that's really special? Not according to my high school guidance counselor.
I'll have the veggie plate.
But instead of beets, I want kale.
And instead of broccoli, more kale.
I want the veggies steamed.
And instead of dressing, I want lemons.
Don't you need to write this down? I'm afraid if I start writing that down, it'll turn into a suicide note.
I'm assuming this table's gonna have a lot more of those requests.
Yes, I could tell by the hats.
Earl, I have something new I want you to try.
That's the exact same sentence that got me hooked on cocaine in the '80s.
It's my new cupcake flavor.
Delicious dark chocolate the ladies can't help but love.
I'm calling it "The Earl.
" I know you got that right.
Hi, I'm here.
I was running late so I decided to hail a cab.
And then I remembered I didn't have any money on me.
And then I remembered I didn't have any money at all.
So I walked the whole way here.
The apartment's three blocks away.
Yes, I know.
Three blocks and 15 "Hola chicas" away.
Well, you can't be late again.
I'm already worried about me being late every month.
On my way here, a homeless man asked me for money.
And I told him that I usually always give, but that my father was indicted in a Ponzi scandal and I've lost my family fortune and my Manhattan townhouse, so I've been sleeping on a couch in Brooklyn, but, in spite of it all, I'm still optimistic that you and I will achieve success in our exciting new cupcake business venture.
And look what he gave me! You took money from a homeless man? I prefer to think of Bob near the bridge as our first investor.
Pickup! Special sandwich.
I can think of even more special sandwich.
You, me and the hot blonde giraffe.
Well, she recently lost her dignity, so you might have a shot.
Hello today! I have nametag for you.
Only your second day and look, nametag already.
As new owner, I am killing it.
Thank you.
Oh, it says "Carolin.
" It's Caroline.
With an "E.
" I'm Caroline.
As new owner, I am sucking it.
Just put it on.
You can't tell an Asian he made a mistake.
He'll go in the back and throw himself on a sword.
Thank you, Mr.
Lee.
You may call me Han.
H-a-n.
No trap in my name.
I'm thinking we should take the first step in our new cupcake business by writing "Max's Homemade Cupcakes" up on the specials board.
No, I can't have my name up there.
Everyone I owe money to thinks I live in Seattle.
Oh, we used to own Seattle.
Max, we've got to get the name out there.
Create a buzz.
Ooh, good idea! Let's create a buzz.
Exactly, in order to launch-- I'm mocking you.
When in doubt, I'm always mocking you.
Seriously, Max.
This new cupcake business is our lifeline.
A way out for both of us.
And I wanna thank you again for letting me move in.
If there's anything I can do to help you-- You mean besides starting to wait on tables? I meant, anything I can do to help you through your breakup with Robbie.
Oh.
Thanks, but I'm fine.
And we're working.
Well, one of us is.
Are you sure you're fine? 'Cause I heard you crying last night.
I don't cry.
I sold my tear ducts to an organ bank for cash two years ago.
I was on the couch.
And I heard you crying alone in your bedroom.
Really? What did the crying sound like? Like I wasn't crying.
Well, then what were you d-- Oh! So none of my business.
That's right.
And remember that.
Got it.
In fact, let's just say that anything having to do with my bedroom, my tables, or my life-- you should stay away from.
Boundaries.
Got it.
And please don't tell anyone at work I let you move into my apartment.
That is one boundary we both don't want crossed.
Why? Hey, roomies.
That's why.
Hope those sheets are okay.
Oh, don't worry about it.
I know they're the best you could afford.
Not really.
The good ones are on my bed.
Max, that oven is so hot.
Could you do me a favor and open the back door? We've known each other two days and you're already asking for back door? Dear God! I forgot you're Equestrian Barbie.
You came with a horse.
No.
Out, horse, bad! Bad horse.
Chestnut.
No need to yell, he's a champion.
Champion stink bomb.
It's smelling pretty ripe out in that yard.
That's not Chestnut, that's Brooklyn.
Okay, well, I'm watching "The Champion" drop some steaming hot "Brooklyn" right now.
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