1
- Madame President.
- Murman!
It's so good to see you.
Have you imprisoned any
good novelists recently?
(laughs)
Selina Meyer! The woman who freed Tibet!
(applause)
- Lloyd is my real dad?
- Oh! I think I'm gonna be sick.
Uh-oh, I think I know what that's about.
The governor called, he wants me to
resign as mayor effective immediately.
What? You didn't do anything wrong.
He's appointed me the new
Lieutenant Governor.
"By giving Meyer the nomination,
they can ensure a Montez presidency.
"
You look so familiar to me.
You brought a woman into
my clinic to have her
pregnancy terminated.
Could you be a little more specific?
Ma'am, I'm sorry, there's no
easy way to tell you this.
Your mother's boat
exploded off the coast of
Florida this afternoon.
Andrew was the only person aboard.
MAN: Congratulations, Madam President.
Thank you.
It's very exciting.
Yes, we're thrilled.
The woman who freed Tibet is finally
getting her Nobel Peace Prize.
Technically, not a Peace Prize, ma'am.
You've won the Summit Peace Award
of the World Summit of
Nobel Peace Laureates.
It's kinda like the Peace Prize Junior.
The American voters don't
know the difference,
and, frankly, neither do I.
Ma'am, I'm headed back to the hotel
to work on your acceptance speech.
OK, I don't know what
that's a euphemism for,
but, Leon, you need to
really lay it on thick.
- OK? Tibet, Tibet, Tibet.
- You bet, you bet, you bet.
I wanna sound like
Bono trying to impress
his own reflection in the mirror.
- I understand.
- Yeah.
Good.
Hey Was that Colonel Al-Saleh,
the Butcher of Juba, back
there by the carving station?
The Nobel people don't
ask too many questions
if you buy a table.
Ma'am, at this point,
they're just trying to
avoid losing the building.
SELINA: My Nobel prize
really makes the point
that I've got way more foreign policy
experience than that half-wit Kemi.
I think it's pronounced "half-white.
"
Well, "tomato, mulatto.
"
Hey, ma'am, Catherine and Marjorie's
wedding is in three weeks,
and her and her wedding planner
Can you just say you? You and Catherine.
We're a little concerned
about sitting you
next to Marjorie's shaman.
- Hello!
- Congratulations, Mom.
Thank you very much.
So, I understand
we're having some sort
of a seating issue?
Whatever you gals want is fine by me
As long as someone lets me have
mini-vegan pigs in gluten-free blankets
- at the reception.
- Oh, God.
Listen, darling,
why don't you get married
over here in Europe?
Because without an
American marriage license,
U.
S.
community property laws
do not apply, my darling.
Marjorie is my soul mate forever.
- I don't know why you would bring
- That's fine.
You and your maid of honor here
can sit me next to whatever
Injun Joe you want.
It's your special day, so
- Thank you, Mother.
- You're welcome.
- I don't have a drink.
- I'll get it.
Um when
am I getting my meeting with
President Lu about the Montez stuff?
Oh, I can't hear you.
I can't hear you.
- Legally not present.
- Guys, listen
I just need to get in a
room with Lu, one on one,
so I can change his mind about
supporting me for president.
Face to face, I can convince
anyone of anything.
- That's not true.
- Incorrect.
You're both wrong.
- BOTH: You're right.
- OK?
Ma'am, Lu's people have
been Great-Walling us.
I don't think they're
anxious to meet with you.
That's why I brought along some bait.
- MINNA: Selina!
- Minna!
- Oh, Minna!
- (Minna squeals)
Lu developed a real hankering
for Finnish furburger
back at Camp David.
He eye-fucked her so bad
he got retinal herpes.
- Minna! Oh
- Selina!
- I don't get the attraction.
- Oh, I do.
So, my last three lovers,
they are complaining
that my naughty talk is both
incessant and soporific.
Maybe you should let 'em choke you.
You think they would rather choke
me than listen to me talk?
I can only speak for myself.
Uh, where is Lu?
- Selina Meyer!
- Murman!
Oh, my gosh, I didn't know
you were still alive.
The Russians reinstalled me
when they invaded Georgia.
Ha!
- Oh, good for you.
- Factory reboot.
BOTH: Beep-boop-beep-beep-boop.
A bit of personal news.
I recently bought an
English football club.
- Oh, wonderful!
- Leeds United.
No English players, so pretty good team.
- Oh.
- Selina, crazy idea I have.
What if I gave you money to
help you win your election?
America does not stand
for foreign interference
in our elections!
- Who do you think that I am?
- Yes, of course.
Of course.
- It's an outrage!
- New topic.
New topic.
I want to buy your Palm Beach
house for $114 million.
Needless to say, real estate
is a different animal.
They're not making any
more of it, right?
Everybody's gotta live somewhere.
I'd rather deal with the Russian mob
than with those real estate people.
It's because they're unethical,
that's what they are.
Because they are working on commissions.
Yes! Six percent?
It's abject greed, in my view.
The 114 million would be wired
from the Seychelles to Malta,
then back to the Seychelles,
and then to you.
I'm very flattered, Murman, I really am,
but your timing is horrendous.
Ahh.
To live is to suffer,
Selina.
The human condition.
- Yes.
- Ahh!
- White people problems, right?
- OK.
- (kisses)
- Thank you.
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