- Knock, knock.
- Oh, shit.
TOM: Just wanted to say
I love you.
I love you, too, Tom.
Go
fuck yourself.
(laughs)
AMY: There's our new leader.
BEN: Oh, Keith Quinn in the house.
Okay, well, you're about to see
how a campaign is really
No, that's not him.
The only reason you were hired
is because Mr.
Tanz told me
you were the best and because?
Because of my court-ordered
chemical castration.
Is chocolate bad for dogs?
- RICHARD: Oh no, not bad.
Deadly.
- GARY: Okay.
Richard, you can't keep
working on both campaigns.
But they're both equally good people.
I would like to schedule an
appointment.
It's for an abortion.
FELIX: Have you met Senator Talbot?
I like to say she's the
future of the party.
She's running for president?
CROWD: (chanting) Kemi! Kemi! Kemi!
As a woman, and a woman of color,
I know these struggles firsthand.
- Whose time is it?
- CROWD: Our time!
- When is our time?
- Now!
And now let me hear you!
Whose time is it?
It sounds like Dr.
Seuss fucked
Maya Angelou in the yuzz-ma-tuzz
and then filled her all
up with snoozily-scuzz.
How is this possibly
even working for her?
Socio-politically, protest
chants have proved
- an effective method
- OK, off.
Kemi's crowds are huge.
You know what else is huge, Amy?
Not even really showing.
- GARY: Mm
- You look beautiful.
And how about the 24-hours-a-day
free media coverage that she's getting?
- BEN: Yep.
- MSNBC has something on you.
Put it on this i-thing.
NARRATOR: paign showing
signs of trouble.
- SELINA: Oh, Christ.
- Andrew Meyer, husband
- of President Selina Meyer
- Ex-husband!
Everything looks great.
Ready when you are.
- I know.
- Let's go.
They're all waiting for ya.
SELINA: Here we go.
Hellooooo!
(cheers, applause)
- What?
- No, this is great.
This is great.
OK! University of Iowa!
- (crowd cheers)
- People come up to me, they say,
"Why do you want to be president?"
And I say,
"It's time to finish the
unfinished business
of four years ago!"
Say it with me: "Time to finish
- the unfinished business!"
- Crowd: "Of four years ago.
"
Without the "four years ago.
"
OK.
Iowa! What do we want?
ALL: Time to finish the
unfinished business"
No Not "New Selina Now"!
What do we want?
BEN: When I say "shit," you say "show.
"
Of four years ago.
SELINA: I was so far ahead.
How are you losing Iowa?
And did you see the new
cover of "Time" magazine?
Yes.
Are angels real?
BEN: "Kemi Fever.
" Three
exclamation points.
KENT: It's a pandemic.
Yeah, well, somebody
sneezed on our campaign,
now we're bleeding out our assholes.
- Hi, guys!
- Morning.
KENT: Ma'am, we're scrapping
tomorrow's schedule.
You're making an appearance
at the Waterloo County Fair.
BEN: Block and tackle retail politics.
- GARY: Ugh.
Retail.
- BEN: Eat a few corn dogs
SELINA: Last thing I need
is my picture being taken
eating dick-shaped food.
I'd rather eat a food-shaped dick.
OK, folks.
Where is Keith Quinn?
I have the "New York
Times" interviewing him
about running the campaign.
Maybe somebody should be
interviewing the "Times"
about why they write so
much about modern dance.
Thirty-six hours in Snoozeville.
- That was my major.
- SELINA: OK.
How are we going to
RU486 Kemi's campaign?
No offense, Amy.
CATHERINE: Mom, do you
have to act that way?
I mean, Kemi is super impressive.
And I'm not gonna lie, ma'am,
- very much my type.
- You're kidding.
Clearly, I have a thing
for strong women.
- What's happening?
- Strong women.
My God, pick a lane.
Jesus.
DAN: Ma'am, Kemi just picked
up two Senators and a union.
A good union or, like, teachers?
Local 74.
Iowa Asbestos Workers.
- KENT: Well, there you go.
- (laughter)
Actually, my uncle was a shop steward
in the 7-4.
Asbestos killed him.
- On, no!
- I'm sorry, Richard.
Asbestos was the name of their pit bull.
It was a rescue that
killed its first owner.
That's why you have to go to breeders.
BEN: OK.
Order, order.
First item: debate prep.
That's how we beat Kemi.
Fine.
Stupid handshakes,
opening statement,
uh, thank you to Date Rape University,
- first question.
- DAN: Madam President,
how do you explain the accusations
the Meyer Fund and your husband
Andrew Meyer stole millions during
No.
Andrew Meyer is my ex-husband.
And I have had virtually
no contact with him
- at this point.
- (knocking on window)
Oh OK.
We're gonna
take a quick five, guys.
Fantastic.
Her Achilles cock.
Andrew! I see Monnie
got a new paint job.
Monnie and I are still together.
Better than ever, in fact.
No.
Felicia is my paralegal.
Oh, God, we're all goin' to jail.
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