Corrections by Elderfel You know, democracy is fantastic, but it is also fucking dull.
It doesn't even look like they're gonna break a tie.
Selina does not even have to be here.
Oh, my God.
Is she falling asleep? No, she cannot fall asleep on live TV.
Not on C-SPAN.
The irony would be too huge.
Come on, come on, come on, come on.
Are you really waving? She cannot see you through the TV.
Most of us learn that when we're four.
We can call her.
The vibrations will wake her up.
No, she's not gonna fall asleep.
It's probably just us who have noticed.
No, Clive, no.
She is not falling asleep.
No, it is just very warm down there.
- Whoa, head jerk.
Just head jerked.
- Okay.
You sure you set this meeting for 8:00 a.
m.
Today? Am I sure? Okay, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Okay, of course you did.
Of course.
Please, stop staring at me like that.
- Undressing me with your eyes.
- I'm adding more clothes, Mike.
Clean jobs almost ready for liftoff, right? A little more detail work, but yes.
I do think that we can start the countdown.
Okay, well, get your spacesuits on.
You know, speaking of spacesuits, I met Buzz Aldrin at a book signing.
You know what really freaks those guys out? Seeing 17 dawns in a matter of 24 hours.
Okay.
- Good morning.
- Morning, ma'am.
How is my day looking, Sue? You have one community college meeting this afternoon.
- Is that it? - Yes.
No, no, no, no.
That's not right.
Uh, okay, wait a minute.
What happens if you scroll down? - How about if you scroll up? - That's the past, ma'am.
- What's he for? - Mike's your 8:00.
We're talking about your speech for the firefighter's association tonight.
- Hey, where is Dan? - I have been trying him all morning.
- He's not been picking up.
- I don't like that.
Probably sending photos of his dick to himself.
Left him a voicemail.
Called him a name.
- Just a little thing we do.
- Mike! So here's what I'm thinking.
We need to open with a funny joke.
Solid narrative throughout it, into which I would like to pepper, like, five zingers.
- No problemo.
McClintock gold.
- Okay.
Good.
I thought for the opener we'd do a little self-deprecating joke - about your snooze in the Senate.
- No.
- Want to hear it? - No.
Okay.
Yeah, it doesn't matter.
Okay, here you go, first home run.
Firefighters have a passion for their work.
Arsonists just have a burning desire.
Is that even a joke? Yeah, it's a word play or a parody.
- Mmm.
- Okay, doesn't matter.
- Got another one.
- All right.
Ladders, obviously germane to the firefighting business.
You go, "firefighters are always climbing ladders and in politics you're always" and this, I don't even know what I wrote, but it's basically you're taking steps to get somewhere but without a ladder Yeah, this is not making me laugh at all.
We'll bring that one back when it's ready.
Okay, "fire safety guy asked me the other day," and this is your voice "do I smoke in bed? And I said, 'I've never had any complaints.
'" Too shock? Too shock? Okay, this is kind of a half an idea.
All right, so the idea is if you're a fireman putting a wet blanket on something - You are late.
- Yes, and I am incredibly sorry.
I was not in my own apartment last night.
I just I overslept.
Okay, having a massive stroke is an excuse for coming in late to this office.
Having sex is absolutely not, Dan.
Quite right, ma'am.
Although, in my defense, - I didn't even think you'd be here.
- Why? Well, there's the briefing on the fiscal responsibility bill at the White House.
I just assumed you'd be there.
I wasn't invited.
What? - This is happening - Right now.
Fuck that potus.
He did this with the defense budget briefing two weeks ago.
God.
Where is Amy? - You get a gag on top of - Mike! Why didn't I know about this?! I'm going.
They can't keep me out of there.
Hey, ma'am, I'm right here.
Can I get you something? You got rollerblades? I'm coming in.
Okay.
Good.
Hi, guys.
- Fiscal responsibility.
- It's ridiculous.
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