Here's what went down last week on Shameless.
Me.
A lot.
Ew.
Carl.
I handled enough personal liability claims to know what a six-figure payout looks like.
You better bring me a mangled femur.
Hey, if you don't have the stones to hobble yourself, find someone who'll do it for you.
- Aah! - You promised to help terrorize my parents in exchange for me giving you stuff.
A deal's a deal.
How much to stop dating her? - How about $5,000? - Is he serious? He's gonna pay me not to date your daughter? How about $10,000? Should have held out.
- You lost your virginity? - Does it count if it's rape? A million guys would kill to be raped by you.
- Oh, would you shut up already? - You hear Amy crying? You're more into the babies than you are me.
I'm sorry that I care about their well-being.
What about my well-being? Our bassist plays.
He's kind of a genius.
- Are you asking me on a date? - I'll see you there.
This is my girlfriend, Gigi.
- Your girlfriend? - Fiona is Gus's friend.
Holy shit.
think of all the luck you got know that it's not for naught you were beaming once before but it's not like that anymore what is this downside that you speak of? what is this feeling you're so sure of? round up the friends you got know that they're not for naught you were willing once before but it's not like that anymore what is this downside that you speak of? what is this feeling you're so sure of? Wakey, wakey.
Come on, buddy.
Up and at 'em.
- Morning.
- Well, you're in a good mood for a man covered in pigeon shit.
I think I overdid it last night.
Celebrating my last day below the poverty line.
- Win the lottery? - Insurance payout.
I earned it, too.
Broke my femur last winter.
- Tore all-- - Yeah.
Good for you.
Meanwhile, why don't you wait for your limousine somewhere else? it's hot in here even with the fan on and I'm sweaty my balls are sweaty, too - Uh, huh.
Go on.
- but I am cool with that yeah, 'cause I am cool with you The Ballad Of Sweaty Balls? Yeah, that's-- that's the title.
Just got to come up with a bridge.
How are we not sick of each other? Hm, yeah, it's only been a week.
So any day now? Actually, it's been about 9 days and 12 hours, but, you know, who's counting? Do you like that? - Oh, yeah.
- Nice.
- Hey.
- Hi.
Oh, thanks for the ride.
It's weird to see you here.
Like, I cut you out of a photograph and pasted you into this background.
Yeah.
You know, it's weird for me to see me here.
So glad you came.
Come on.
It's, uh-- It's nice you know, if you like this kind of thing.
Girls are out playing a squash tournament.
My parents are cheering them on.
They're all driving me insane.
I mean, my little sisters are cute, but they know it.
So you sort of want to drown them.
And my older sister's a programmed robot, would jump off a building if my parents told her to.
And my dad-- Well, you know my dad.
Oh, yeah.
He, ah, he want his 10 grand back? Don't hate me because my dad's a douchebag.
As long as I get a break from hauling rocks, douchebaggery is-- it's not a problem.
a nigga gotta get that money - that money - a nigga gotta get - that dough - that dough a nigga gotta get that money - that money - a nigga gotta get - that dough - that dough a nigga gotta get that money Hey.
What's up, yo? How's your day looking? Well, I was thinking I should go on the pill.
- So, you're gonna be-- - Well, since things are over with Matty, I figure it's best to be prepared for next time, - don't you? - Yeah.
But there's-- there's more than pregnancy to worry about.
How about we stick to condoms? They're only 82% effective.
I should use the pill as a back-up.
Okay.
I'll make an appointment at Planned Parenthood.
- I got to run.
- Huh, like you need to be - somewhere.
- While you're sitting on your lazy ass, I'll be at my job.
What job? And please eat more than just a pop-tart.
I got hired at the fruit market.
You only said that because she handed you a piece of fruit.
What would you even do there? You can't even walk.
Uh, morning.
Everybody, this is Gus.
We got in late last night.
And, well, you're meeting him now.
That's, ah, Debbie, Carl, and Liam.
- Hi.
- Who are you again? He's with Fiona, stupid.
She mentioned him, like, Boyfriend and girlfriend or just fuck buddies? Welcome to my family.
Lou.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
I do business at the office, Frank, not at my house.
Just tell me if my insurance check came in.
For your leg? The hell else would I mean? Yeah, it's in.
How much? - 121 grand.
- Sweet mother of Jesus.
$121,000.
I'm gonna rebuild my brewery.
What's that smell? It's pigeon shit.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that you celebrated last night, and then you blacked out.
- And your point? - The check came in.
Okay, you showed up at exactly this time yesterday - to sign for it.
- No.
You told me it was coming in on Tuesday.
I wrote it down.
And it is Wednesday.
What the hell happened to Tuesday? I never black out for a whole day unless I'm smoking crack.
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