Oh, man, you guys missed a great party last week.
Say hello to your new foster family, Ethel.
You're one of five wives? Married to a dude named Clyde? Who's 65 years old? Would it be all right if my son Jonah came to visit? Keep laughing, and I will slit your throat while you sleep.
Shoplifting is out of hand.
Did Mickey pay for that? You have to stand up to him.
Tried that once with his father.
Now hold it like you want to do something with it.
Mickey? Again? What was I supposed to do, shoot him over a cup of soup? No touching the forbidden fruit until I'm knocked up.
Slept with someone.
Not cash.
Guess this was like a booty call, huh? Yes.
Steve got a text from Candace.
Is he dating someone else? Who the fuck is Candace? We work together.
That's all.
I'm home.
Little brother! Hey, you.
Mmm.
Think of all the luck you got Know that it's not for naught You were beaming once before But it's not like that anymore What is this downside That you speak of? What is this feeling You're so sure of? Round up the friends you got Know that they're not for naught You were willing once before But it's not like that anymore What is this downside That you speak of? What is this feeling You're so Sure of? Okay, but you got to promise.
Okay, I promise I won't tell Fiona.
Now, whose house is this? I'm not sure.
What the hell are we doing here? Trying to find out if Steve's cheating.
What? Tell me that's not a woman's car parked out front.
Fiona's a big girl.
Fiona takes care of everyone, but no one takes care of Fiona.
Is this about Candace? Because Fiona knows about Candace.
She wouldn't do anything; too proud.
So we have to.
You're a sweet kid, Debs.
Did you purposefully order a "Sex on the Beach" just so I'd say it to the gay bartender? Maybe.
Maybe I was hoping you'd actually take me away someplace so we could have sex on a beach.
I could barely get you overnight in a local hotel.
Well, that was then; this is now.
I just feel like I haven't seen a lot of you lately.
You-you mean that you'd like to see more of me? Yes, I guess that's what I'm saying.
Usually by this time in a relationship, the guy starts just showing up for late-night booty calls or wants me to meet his mother.
Either way, I start looking for reasons to walk.
Well, my mom is in Michigan, so you don't have to worry.
I think that's the first time you've ever mentioned your family.
Really? Not much to say.
I mean they live in Michigan.
The whole state? No, near Detroit.
Dad used to work for GM, so I try to send back what I can to help.
Family business he builds 'em, you steal 'em.
Come on, let's dance.
Come on.
Liam is officially asleep.
That was fast.
Yeah, well, three pages from Deb's Eat, Pray, Love and he's out.
And if James Franco wasn't in the movie, I would've nodded off, too.
Have you got any cash you can float me? Florence & the Machine are playing down at the Chicago Theater.
I really want to take Karen for her birthday.
Pricey gift.
You think it's getting serious? Fuck off.
She's my best friend.
Okay? You know I'd never spend that kind of cash on a girl, anyway.
All right, well, I got a Hamilton, and it's yours.
Thanks, man.
One, two, three.
God bless Jonah, my sweet baby boy.
And God bless my husband Clyde.
May those who are caring for him remind him to take his blood pressure supplement and his Glucosamine/Chondroitin supplement so that he can bend down to pick up our child.
And God bless the other wives, who are probably on their knees right now asking you to bless me Separated from her kid? That's got to suck.
Hopefully, the visit with him tomorrow will cheer her up.
I'm kind of excited about it.
Having a full house two kids.
Don't get too excited.
It's only temporary.
Temporary, Kevin.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Are you gonna put those in my ass? 'Cause I'm not even gonna feel it.
They're earplugs, babe.
And they're for her.
Oh, good, 'cause that would've sucked, trying to fish those out.
Hey hey Wakey, wakey, Jackie Chan.
Who the fuck are you? I'm Frank.
Did we? Aw, now now Chins up.
Fuck off.
How'd you know it was me? I was talking to my Promisemakers group, and I want you to know that I understand that so much of your bad behavior is my responsibility.
If you leave a dog in the house alone for more than eight hours, you can't get mad at him for peeing the rug, right? I found this in an album in the basement.
I don't know maybe we can try to capture more moments like these together.
Why is it that I feel like you can't get away from me fast enough? Because you're paranoid! Hey, whatever happened to that computer class you were gonna take? They cancelled it.
Not enough people, I guess.
Liam's gonna be up in a second.
I got to get him fed and dressed and to the clinic for some shots.
Don't tell Jenny McCarthy.
Hey, Debs.
Steve.
Liam up yet? Squawkin' a little.
So, everything cool with, uh, with you and Steve? What? Why? No reason I'm just checking in.
Hi, baby bottoms! Did you have sweet dreams? I thought I was baby bottoms.
No.
I said you have a baby bottom.
Mm, I swore I would never date a guy whose ass was smaller than mine, but I seem to be breaking a lot of my own rules lately, don't I? Don't I? He's assuming that was rhetorical.
Hey, you want to come by tonight after Liam's down? V gave me a copy of Queen of Outer Space.
Zsa Zsa Gabor at her finest.
We could watch it and not watch it.
I don't think I can swing it.
I gotta go to work.
Okay.
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