1
Look at you, dressed like
a girl.
Why the change?
Did the roller-derby team
try to recruit you again?
No.
I have a date with Ben.
You don't seem too excited about it.
Well, I mean, he's really nice, and
Got it.
You're bored, and so am I.
Break up.
I mean, I just want to
see what else is out there.
- Does that make me a bad person?
- Oh, my God.
Are we still talking about this?
I solved your problem.
Today.
Crowded restaurant so
he doesn't make a scene.
Just deep breath and say it.
Fantastic news! Someone TP'd our house!
Halloween fun is afoot.
Dad, I really want
to be excited for you,
but Halloween?
We're almost old enough to vote.
- Aaaaaahhh!
- Whoa!
[LAUGHS] Got me!
Worth it?
Oh, what, you're too
old for a little scare?
The scariest thing is you
could be a cheap pick-up line,
two beers, and nine months
away from being a grandparent,
and you just risked
asphyxiation in the fridge.
It's not like we're taking
you trick-or-treating.
There are grown-up
ways to enjoy Halloween.
How about pumpkin-boat racing?
Cam used to do it in Missouri.
Take a giant pumpkin,
cut the top off,
gut it, hop in, sail away.
Let's do it.
I'm so married to this idea,
it rolls its eyes when
I make jokes in public.
Take notes This might
help you out with Ben later.
Mom, Dad?
You and Halloween have had
some great times together.
- Mm.
- But it's over.
You're way too old, and
it's hard to look at.
Wow, it really lines up.
- I see what's going on here.
- Thank God.
I haven't communicated how big
this pumpkin's gonna be.
You guys know Clifford
the Big Red Dog?
- We're not doing this.
- Plus, we all have dates.
But
I think they're past it.
That was kinda harsh, huh?
Oh, honey, don't take it too personally.
Me? That was directed
at you, fridge monster.
You're the one
who's obsessed with Halloween.
Honey, you were the one who suggested
getting a giant pumpkin
and having us sail away in it
like a family of cartoon mice.
All pumpkins are giant to mice.
There is no use in us arguing
over who's more obsessed
with a holiday that's behind us already.
Way behind us.
- All right.
I got to get going, honey.
- Yeah, have a good one.
- Mwah!
- Mwah!
- Great.
Buh-bye.
- Mm-hmm, bye.
[MEN MOANING AS ZOMBIES]
Change of plans, fellas.
Hop in the car.
Well, well, well.
You city
folk sure are late risers.
I guess your rooster
has a snooze button.
[CHUCKLES]
It's funny how you say the
exact, same thing every morning.
Since our contractor took a break
from rehabbing kitchens
- to rehab a gambling problem
- Yeah.
Jay took over, and
we've been staying here.
It's been a lot of Dad,
but it it just became too impractical
to continue living at home.
We're gonna use another coat of varnish.
The fumes shouldn't be too noticeable.
- Okay.
Okay.
- Oh, boy.
Lily.
Oh, gosh! Okay, she's down!
It's been hard on us,
living without a kitchen.
It's been, uh, six weeks
now since it burned down.
Since you burned it down.
Since I burned it down.
And then maliciously
made me think I did it
and leveraged my guilt
for your own selfish gain.
Then maliciously made you think
that you did it, and leveraged
Honey, you got to stop
beating yourself up.
Okay.
I was going to make Joe's oatmeal.
Do you really have to
use all five burners?
Well, it is called Five Burner Meat Pie,
and it's the traditional dish
back at the Halloween festival,
so it kinda makes me
feel like I'm there.
Mm.
No oatmeal?
Guess I could put my beard on now.
Come over here!
Ow!
Look, I'm sorry, but the God I worship
does not let his roots show, so
GLORIA: Two weeks ago,
we invited Mitch and Cam to stay here.
You invited them.
[SIGHS] It's been hard on us,
but it's part of our
Colombian heritage
Your heritage.
to welcome family
and to never kick them out,
even when they might
have some boundary issues.
I'm heading back to the job site.
Gonna let the guys knock off
for a little liqu-or-treating.
Well, that is how you manage
[QUIETLY] to stretch
a job until Christmas.
Okay, you need to go over there,
find out how long this is gonna take.
I want my kitchen back.
Okay, uh, Dad?
W we appreciate all your hard work,
but we're running a
little past schedule.
The job is done when the job is done.
You want it faster,
next time, burn down a bookshelf.
Well, clearly, he doesn't
know what he's doing
and he's too proud to admit it.
[QUIETLY] I know.
I know.
[QUIETLY] My breakfast
is a LUNA Bar for women.
Do something.
[QUIETLY] They're family.
What do you want me to do?
You need to fire your father.
Don't worry.
I'll take care of it.
- Mitchell.
- I swear to God.
Promise me you'll get rid of them.
Okay.
Make me believe it.
I swear to you.
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