1
Hey, Mitchell.
Claire.
Saturday morning.
Look, I need you to buy
Mom a birthday present
and say it's from the both of us.
Okay, thanks.
Bye-bye
No, I know it's not a voicemail.
I just don't want to
hear you whine about it.
(PHONE BEEPS)
No, no, no, those are for Alex.
I'm taking them up to her dorm today.
You know how stressed she gets.
She can always use a little comfort
from her loving mom.
Why does Alex get a care
package and not me?
You live in a care package.
Haley, put your face on and get up here!
We're gonna be late for work!
I'm saving up to get my own apartment,
so I've been working
at the club with Luke.
For Luke.
Kid's my best cart girl.
I deliver drinks to golfers.
Tips are good, but, uh
it took me a couple days
to learn the finer points of the game.
(GOLF CART BEEPING)
(TIRES SCREECH)
Cocktails, boys?
(BELL DINGING)
On your left.
Is that Alex's old bike?
(CHUCKLING) Yes, totally rebuilt.
It only took me three months
and two tetanus shots.
She's been dropping hints
about wanting some wheels.
Are you sure she didn't mean a
Unicycle? No.
She
definitely said "wheels.
"
Well, the basket's perfect for
loading up the toiletries.
Remember last time we went up there?
She was washing her hair
with the powdered soap
from the ladies room.
Alex is an intelligent, accomplished
- You can just say it.
- Scatterbrain.
Sometimes, she studies so hard
she forgets about the little things.
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
I'll be at the library.
Uh, honey aren't you
forgetting something?
Oh! (SCOFFS) That was close.
(CHUCKLES) God.
I'm on it.
(CLEARS THROAT)
So, this is the place I'll call
home for the next four years.
And because you're a theater major,
probably the biggest
apartment you'll ever have.
There are two things I want to
avoid my first day of school:
getting caught leaving the
shower in my aqua shoes,
and a tearful goodbye.
My classmates are gonna see me
cry eventually.
I'd prefer it be during
a curtain call.
I am Colombian,
so it's against my nature to
give Manny what he wants:
a cold, white-people goodbye.
But I know he's sensitive,
and he's having a hard
time leaving the nest,
so I'm gonna give it to him.
Good luck, chum.
Where do you want your espresso machine?
On my desk is fine.
And don't worry, Trevor.
We'll pay for the beans
with the money from our swear jar.
Don't forget no coffee after 4:00,
or you get the nightmares.
I think I can take it from here.
(CLEARS THROAT)
Thank you both for all of your help.
Sure thing.
We will keep in touch, son.
(INDISTINCT TALKING IN DISTANCE)
Well, my friend,
you have just witnessed
the rare perfect goodbye.
History records but few
flawless farewells:
Oscar Wilde's deathbed bon mot,
Rhett Butler not giving a
Damn it.
I left my white noise machine at home.
Now I have to go back there,
and risk ruining our perfect goodbye.
But you're gonna thank me, Trevor.
There's something soothing about
constant background noise
that Trev?
(SUITCASE THUDS)
One gin and tonic.
I hope you're not driving.
(CHUCKLES)
Sorry, that's usually a
big hit with the golfers.
It was hilarious.
But I'm trying to avoid laugh lines.
I get that.
I don't want crow's feet,
so I never squint,
even if a cop is shining his flashlight
directly in my eyes.
(CHUCKLES)
Once a week, I sleep in a
wetsuit full of Vaseline.
It shows.
It was like meeting myself in 30 years.
Turns out, I really held up.
Good morning, Ms.
Rappaport.
Oh, hello
- Duke, is it?
- Yes.
Haley, shouldn't you be
getting back to your cart?
Rhonda asked me to sit down.
There's a rule against staff
fraternizing with members,
and you wouldn't want to make trouble
for whoever stuck their neck
out to get you this job.
Oh, I recommend sticking your neck out.
It's the only nonsurgical way
to prevent champagne chin.
- Speaking of which, um
- Oh, here.
Let me get
Oh, no, no, no, You sit.
He's up.
You can top me off, too, Duke.
I am loving this new smoothie kick.
I-I feel like I've had more
green vegetables today
than my dad's had in a lifetime.
What I love about your smoothie kick
is how much you talk about it.
Okay, if you're gonna be mean, be funny.
Aim for the bumps.
Cal likes a bit of a
bumpy ride on account
of I drove a tractor into
my fourth trimester.
CAMERON: Oh, that sound
makes me so nervous.
Some poor family is about
to have their life
turned upside down.
Huh, they seem to be
turning down our street.
- (RADIO CHATTER)
- Um
So, I-I know that they're
they're heroes and all,
but a-are they sweeping
up or is that on us?
Okay, you know what? We're gonna have
to totally rebuild, down to the studs.
I'm distraught.
Are ya?
I'm not saying Cam
definitely set the fire.
It could have been
anyone who's spent years
searching for a way to justify
the remodel of our kitchen.
Are you actually accusing
me of starting this fire
just so we could rebuild
our hideous kitchen?
Uh, accusing, no.
but when you say things
like "hideous kitchen,"
it does make me wonder.
This could be the cause.
Most kitchen fires start in the oven.
Oh, my God, did did
I leave the oven on?
Well, it appears we found
our smoking "bun.
"
Oh, she's been here all summer,
so this could be pretty rough.
Remember last time there
was a rat in her room.
She's a scientist.
She said
it was part of a study.
Honey, it was in a cereal box.
Okay, time to be heroes.
- Change a bed sheet, change the world.
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