1
Kids, breakfast! Luke,
why don't you have some fruit?
Nah, I'm good.
Fine.
I'll have some.
Phil! Slow down!
[CHUCKLING] I'm sorry, Claire.
Unlike at home, I'm the captain here.
[SHIP HORN BLARES]
Damn it, Phil, knock it off!
Copy that.
You know, I like having these.
We should get some for the house.
No, you're not going to ask me
"what time is lunch?"
every day through a talkie-walkie.
Cam, we need to talk about this.
We We have these lamps at home.
Okay, we have boat lamps.
CAMERON: I know.
It's so validating.
It's like that time
we saw our can opener
in that dog-food commercial.
We rented a houseboat.
My dad wanted us to
take a big lake trip
so we could see the first
total eclipse in 99 years.
You know, growing up on a farm, I
always fantasized about lake life.
Yeah.
You know,
anyone can go to the lake.
Only the elite can sleep on it.
My parents used to take Claire and me
every summer when we were kids.
Oh, I just never dreamed I would
marry into a lake family.
We have this pillow, too.
I'm beginning to question our taste.
Oh, don't be ridiculous.
We have great taste.
What's all this, then?
The doctor said absolutely no sun
while I'm on these antibiotics.
And what would happen?
Because if it's anything short of
death, I-I think you should risk it.
- Morning.
- Good Morning! Who's hungry?
- Manny, how do you take your eggs?
- Like God made 'em.
Mm!
Manny, what are you doing?
This isn't Manny.
It's Manuel.
He's trying to reinvent
himself for college.
He's going for a strong, silent type.
Hey, don't try to define me, man.
- "Manuel's" gonna last five minutes.
- Hey.
[BONES CRACK] Ah! It
is what it is, man.
All right, everybody, listen up.
- The eclipse is happening at exactly
- We know, we know.
We know exactly when it's
happening, Dad.
You told us.
Then just make sure you get back
here so we can watch it together.
Hey, Dad, you know Hugh Duncan
from Just Closets?
That pretentious half-Brit
that refers to closets as "wardrobes"?
He died.
Son of a gun.
I always liked him.
Yeah, something like that happens
makes you realize how
precious life is, huh?
Morning, fam!
Somebody kill me.
Ben and I have been dating
a few months now,
and things have been going so well,
I decided to invite him
on our family vacation.
We knew it would beetake some ell,
I could listen to you talk forever.
Aww!
We knew it would take some convincing.
It's bad enough that
I have to see Ben's stupid face
at the office every day.
You
want to bring him on our trip?
Just because he bugs you
doesn't mean this will
ruin your vacation.
He's a huge reason
why I need a vacation!
[SLURPS]
I mean, I can see both sides.
[SCOFFS]
Ohhh.
Does anyone know
if these pancakes are gluten-free?
- I can't!
- Why? What's wrong?
I can't listen to you talk
about gluten anymore!
Or mouth guards or airborne allergens
or any of your other weird afflictions!
- Has anyone seen my big hat?
- No.
You know what? Traveling
together was a big mistake.
Let's just do our own thing.
Uh
a-all right.
Well, uh
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]
What are you guys up to today?
- Water skiing.
- Boat stuff.
Ay, no.
What am I looking at?
Okay, relax.
You all act like
you've never seen a caftan before.
I just needed full breathable
coverage today.
The fact that it looks so great
is just a bonus.
- What's that?
- "Groovy Guppies.
"
I'm gonna binge-watch the last season.
I never heard of it.
Get out of whatever your
mommy's got you doing.
Your life is about to change.
I'm going down to the little
store to buy some sunglasses.
I'm thinking something fun.
All right.
Well, don't
get anything too garish.
[SIGHS]
Hey, sexy! Party on the island!
Come by!
Yum! [GROWLS]
- What are you doing?
- What was that?
- That was a boy!
- That was a girl!
What are you talking about?!
Whatever that was,
we're going to his/her party
before Ben finds me.
Team Dunphy, D to the five.
You guys ready to go?
Yeah, what do you feel like doing?
We were thinking maybe a hike?
- A little flora, fauna, and
- Forget it.
We're going to a party.
But if you're looking
for something fun,
- the rental guy gave us this pamphlet.
- Thanks.
We already got one, but
Oh.
Yours is different.
Parasailing, wakeboarding
jetpacking?
Ours has sunrise chair yoga,
watercolors at water's edge,
and something called cloud study?
Yeah, they gave that one
to Grandpa, too.
- We got the old people one?
- No!
Why would they do that?
Looks like you guys
got some fluffy ones out today.
That one looks like a bunny.
Oh, yeah.
Ah.
It feels like we're in St.
Tropez.
I don't trust lakes.
Where I come from,
this is where we dump
drugs and dead bodies.
You know what?
I am gonna give you a little boat tour
and show you this lake
in all of its glory,
but you need to keep an open mind.
Okay, fine.
Let's ride around the liquid graveyard.
[THUD]
Mama, riding on small boats
makes my tummy hurt.
Can I stay with Lily?
SÃ, papi.
[GASPS]
It was Scotty This local lake kid
I met on vacation when I was 13.
I had a huge crush on him,
so on the last day,
I decided to take a chance
and I kissed him.
It was my first time
ever kissing a boy,
so when he pulled away and said
that he wasn't "into this,"
I was humiliated.
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