Okay, Lily.
I got the list of what you need for your project.
- Uh, glitter glue, glitter dots - Mm-hmm.
Glitter paper.
Mrs.
Daniels says my projects have too much glitter.
Okay, well, she needs a Mr.
Daniels because a project can't have too much pizzazz.
It's a report on the potato famine.
I'm I'm sorry.
Do Irish tears not sparkle? Okay, okay.
Fine.
- Longinus.
Jotham.
Hi! - Hey! - Hey, guys, what's up? - Oh, nothing.
- Just picking up supplies to make signs for the big protest.
- Yes.
Oh, right.
Right, yes.
And which big protest is We're picketing the Jai Alai Lounge for obvious reasons.
Obviously.
- Obviously.
- Obviously, yes.
What reasons, Daddy? Um, well, Jotham, y-you tell her.
It makes me so angry, I can't even say it out loud.
So upset.
All we know is the Jai Alai Lounge has the single best burger in the country if not the universe.
The Jai Alai burger - is one-fourth pound - One-third.
Prime Angus fresh, crispy lettuce Butter lettuce.
A sauce delivered from heaven From Kansas City.
All on a perfectly toasted fresh-baked bun.
With sesame seeds.
I wanted to have it as our wedding cake.
- Maybe for your next one.
- Hmm? So who's this "we" that's picketing? Every week a group of us get together to protest those who have been holding back the gay cause.
Why haven't we ever been invited? [Clears Throat] You're not that - political.
- Mm.
You know, ever since [Mouths Words] He knows I can see, right? We are very political people.
We were just discussing - the potato famine of Ireland.
- Yes.
I haven't had a potato in four years.
Well, if you're honestly interested we'll be out there on Saturday at noon.
- You should come join us.
- We will.
- Yep.
With bells.
- Yeah, that's just an expression.
These are for Lily's project on the potato famine, actually.
- Oh, okay.
- See you.
- See you Saturday, guys.
Good to see you.
- Bye.
Oh, my God.
Can you believe that? Yeah, he's a little hippy for somebody that doesn't eat potatoes.
Hey, hey Hey, hey Hey, hey Hey, hey Hey [Squealing] We were called into Principal Brown's office one week before Alex's graduation.
That can mean only one of two things.
Either she's gonna be valedictorian or they're giving an award for sexiest dad.
We're very proud of Alex.
- [Squealing Continues] - Honey.
I'm sorry.
- I feel like my whole life has been building up to this point.
- I know.
- Hello, Dunphys.
- Hey! So nice to be able to give you some good news in one of these meetings.
How is Haley, by the way? [Woman] So sorry we're late.
- What's she doing here? - What's he doing here? Well, Alex and Sanjay after four years of spirited competition I am very pleased to tell you that you are the Pali High Class of 2015 Oh! Co-valedictorians! - That's amazing! - Oh! Couldn't be more proud of the both of you, huh? What do you mean, co-valedictorians? "Co" is the Latin prefix for "together.
" But really, what do you mean, co-valedictorians? I thought there might be some aggressive questions that, uh, made me nervous and so I wrote down my remarks.
Uh [Clears Throat] "No, I'm not trying to ruin your lives.
It's just that your GPAs are tied to the thousandth of a decimal point.
" [Together] But my GPA's 4.
645923! She got an "A" minus on the French final.
He got an "A" minus on an English paper.
- Oh.
- No.
- This is a nightmare.
- Worst day of my life.
Guys, we should be celebrating.
This is literally a win-win.
I didn't work my whole life for a tie! [Scoffs] No offense, Principal Brown, but you were a teaching major.
I'd like to check the GPAs myself.
Have at it.
What is it with these two? I agree with them.
Ties are un-American.
Would you be happy if the Super Bowl ended in a tie? Yes! There'd be twice as many parades.
There must be some way to determine who the best student is.
Unfortunately, all the final exams and the papers are in.
Grades are closed.
Not all the grades.
Well, well, well.
Looks like the janitor finally fixed my chair.
What are you guys all doing here? What are the last two states to be admitted into the Union? Alaska and Hawaii.
- Name two cabinet-level positions.
- That's easy.
There's a higher one for the glasses and a lower one for the pots and the pans.
- Hey, don't get cocky.
- [Laughing] When we started studying for this you thought the secretary of defense job was to guard "da fence.
" [Chuckles] Gloria's about to take her citizenship test.
This little jumping bean is about to become an American.
Jumping beans are Mexican.
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