[Knocking] Hey, Dad.
What do you think of the picture on my new Costco card? You've never put your actual face that close to mine.
- Jay thinks that - Uh, bup, bup, bup, bup.
Let him answer.
Uh Okay, you look good.
This looks nothing like me! Maybe 'cause you're not yelling in it.
I look at this, and I'm like, "What the hell? Where's the sparkle? Where's the guy that scored the winning touchdown and was carried off by his team?" This guy looks like he was carried off by the current.
Ah.
I have half a mind to cut this up and never go back there.
Maybe you can use one of the scissors from the eight-pack that we bought.
Hey, Jay, you feeling it? You ready to knock down some pins? Oh, great.
Gray and wrinkled like my tired puss.
It's my league finals and Jay agreed to fill in for our star bowler, Maurice who's recovering from a groin pull.
An actual groin pull not the party on Fire Island.
I don't know, Cameron.
I'm-I'm really not feeling it tonight.
Well, you better start feeling it soon.
We need to win so I can stick it to that smug Martin Sherman.
- Who's Martin Sherman? - Only my archrival.
I thought your rival was that blond Christmas caroler.
No, it's the Spanish teacher at his school.
Cam has lots of rivals especially if you count that bag boy.
I told you never say his name.
I didn't say his name.
I don't know his name.
It's Todd.
Always putting my canned goods on top of my produce.
I'd like to squash his squash.
Okay, let's go.
Hopefully, we won't be out too late tonight.
- We will! - Uh-huh.
Yeah, right.
Ten dollars says you guys will be home in bed before we are.
No, no, no, no, no.
You two will be sleeping and Gloria and Haley and I will still be dancing.
This one? Joe tucks her in.
How would you know? You go to bed right after you get mad at the news.
Yeah, it's you two that are keeping us down.
But not tonight.
Tonight, we are going out big.
- [Humming] - Oh, yeah! Yes, you're very hip.
That's the theme song to the Antiques Roadshow.
He's right.
That's embarrassing.
Hey, hey Hey, hey Hey, hey Hey, hey Hey Great house, huh? And you can't beat the location mainly 'cause I live right there.
- [All Chuckle] - We love the house.
Great! But I could never live across the street from that pornographic statue.
Oh! Huh! I never noticed it.
Yeah.
You could see it from inside when you look out the window.
I didn't Are you talking about that one? [Woman] It's quite large.
I'll take your word for it.
I've had this listing for two months and I can't move it because of the statue across the street.
It's called Marble with Wood and let's just say it's made entirely of marble.
We've got to do something about this.
It's obscene.
That's what they said about The Catcher in the Rye - when it first came out.
- You're not helping.
- Why don't we knock on the door and talk to him? - I tried.
Yeah, the guy's a jerk.
I told him how much it bothered us.
- It only seemed to please him.
- [Sighs] I'm not gonna lie It makes me feel bad about my body.
I don't feel comfortable letting my kids play out here.
- Our kids.
- Paul, please.
Art is subjective.
Some people would love this.
Hey, what are you guys talking about? [Claire] Here they come.
The statue.
Oh.
God, we hate that thing.
- You do? - Yeah.
I didn't make my money to move to a neighborhood where they put something like that on the street.
Porn belongs on a big screen in the bedroom or your phone in the bathroom.
Kids, go play.
Well, what are you gonna do? Well [Clicks Tongue] Guess we'll just get used to ignoring it.
I just wish he was more concerned with being a better neighbor.
- Yeah.
- Amen to that.
Yeah.
Hey, we were just about to grab dinner.
You guys want to join us? - What's that? - I said, you guys want to go to dinner? - How's that? - If you guys don't want to, that's fine.
- No, no, no, no, no.
- Oh, no, no, no.
No, no, no.
A-Are you saying no? - You know what? - Mmm.
- Sure, why not? - Of course.
- All right! Great! - Great! We'll meet you out front, 15.
I'll drive.
Oh, Claire, just so our outfits don't clash, I'll be wearing lizard.
- Ah, shoot.
Well, I'll find something.
- Okay.
[Sighs] [Bowlers Chattering] Oh, don't you just love it the crash of the pins the smell of the rental shoe spray? Yeah, it does kind of get the blood going.
Oh, one small detail.
This is an all-gay bowling league, so I told everyone you're all gay.
- What? - You have to be gay to play.
Let's go meet the guys.
Uh-uh.
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