And we have lift-off.
Yello, house of the future.
Phil, you have two whole days to yourself.
Please tell me you're not gonna spend them trying to wire the house to your iPad.
Nope, 'cause I've already done it.
I think when you get home, you're gonna be very surprised to see that this house has an actual functioning brain in it.
Great.
Great.
Now go out and see some friends.
I'm headed out now.
I have a third showing at that colonial.
Cam gave me a free pass to his gym.
I am not too bright.
I am dim! Honey, if you could hear yourself.
Promise me you'll go outside and play.
Miss you, too.
Phil Dunphy, this is the year 2025.
Welcome.
You're the first one here.
Shall we hit the waterslide first? I may just sit in the room for a bit.
Stop moping! So you didn't get a date to one stupid dance.
It's not one stupid dance.
It's the kickoff to the whole dance season.
It's like you've never heard boys talk.
We are here for the academic challenge.
It's under "Dunphy.
" Or it could be under "returning champion.
" Not sure how they file these things.
Alex wins things, which is great.
But she puts so much pressure on herself.
I I almost wish she would lose this year.
Plus, that way, I could go on the waterslide.
It's got a corkscrew, and a radar gun at the bottom.
I'm Phil.
Nothing from the minibar, - and no pay-per-view.
- Can we at least No, you may not send things out for pressing.
Honey, we have an hour until the competition.
Do you want to go to the contestants mixer? No, I don't want to humanize them.
Can you believe this is my first bar mitzvah? You'll love it.
I heard the gift bags have smartphones.
Jewish people are so awesome.
Oh, my God.
Did you see that? She smiled at me.
People get that way in dance season.
No girl's ever smiled at me like that.
Luke, we have to go to that bar mitzvah.
- Why? - There was a connection.
I know this sounds crazy, but I feel like my whole life has led to this moment.
You made a very similar speech to get my mom to stop for those churros.
Luke, I need you for this.
You're sneakier than I am.
You're a bigger liar.
You have no moral compass.
Look, thanks for all the compliments, but breaking into one stupid party? That's not even a challenge.
Oh, no.
Three bar mitzvahs? Now it's interesting.
- Cam, stop.
- What? We have to get them out of there.
What's taking them? We have the most amazing gift for Jay and Gloria's nursery.
It was Cam's idea, and it's a pretty big swing.
It's not a swing.
It's not a swing.
I just need Jay and Gloria out of the house for a minimum of four hours - so I can have my crew install it.
- Simple.
Please.
If it were up to you, we'd get them something off their gift registry.
You mean the list of things that they specifically said that they wanted? They don't know what they want.
before I snap his finger off! Ay, no.
Jay was supposed to cancel.
- We cannot go to lunch.
- No.
I am sorry, but he's supposed to pick up the crib at the store, and I am too tired.
The baby kicked me all night.
It's either going to be a football player or a chorus girl.
You can be both.
My senior year, I was a right-side linebacker and a left-side cancan dancer in "Gigi.
" She really set you up for that one, didn't she? Yeah, when it came out of her mouth, I nearly stopped breathing.
You didn't call them to cancel.
Sorry.
You want gas money? Don't pay attention to him.
He's been very grumpy lately.
Okay, here's a thought.
Mitchell, you go to the crib store with Jay.
That way I can spend some quality time with this pretty lady.
No, I'm going to lay down.
No, no, I'm gonna take you both to lunch.
Okay? There, it's settled.
Now go put a lip on.
Okay? Fine.
I guess you won't get in the way.
You mean it, pa? Really and for true? I won't get in the way? - That's a good idea.
- Yeah.
The chairs are rocks.
Charlemagne.
You can get a 1-day cushion for $8, or a 2-day for $12.
Alex Dunphy.
Last year, I got 2 Who wrote the 95 theses? My daughter went on to win the whole thing, and all I could think was "I just flushed $4 down the toilet.
" John Calvin.
Alex! I guess I just didn't want to presume that we would be here for the two days.
But still, what kind of message was I sending with the 1-dayer? You "whoo'd" me? What are you doing here? I'm out.
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