So then what happened? Well, she didn't show up at school the next day, and I heard that she slept over at his dorm.
- No way! - Mm-hmm.
Seriously? Are you surprised? - You not know Curley? Have you seen what she wears at school? - Girls Let's cool it on the gossip, okay? It's not right.
- Curley's got enough problems.
- What do you mean? Well, her mom can't get through soccer practice without a thermos of chardonnay And don't get me started on the dad.
That guy is-- Oh! Oh, my god! Oh, my god! - Mom! - Oh! This is such a dangerous intersection! Did I get lipstick on my face? No, you're fine.
And consider yourself lucky You didn't just get, like, felt up by your mom.
They need to get a stop sign.
What is your obsession with traffic? It's an obsession with safety.
One of these days, Joe Speeder's gonna come tearing through here, - and somebody's gonna-- Aah! - Aah! - Aah! Oh! - I'm okay.
- Oh! Oh, my god! - I'm okay.
Oh, hey, guys.
- Phil? - Yeah.
No, I'm good.
Gotta keep moving.
Keep the heart rate up.
Oh.
Okay.
How's my face? Still good.
Okay.
Good.
Modern Family.
Gloria, how many times do I have to tell you to pull your car all the way in? The gate was open all night.
We live in a nice neighborhood.
What are you afraid of? That some money's gonna fly in and then your gardener is gonna have to rake it up? Jay, I'm going to need you to cut me a check.
What now? Drama club trip.
"Les Miserables.
" We're selling wrapping paper to raise money for the tickets.
- for stealing a loaf of bread.
- The wrapping paper.
How good was this bread? It wasn't about the bread.
It was about the society-- Focus, people.
Manny, we will buy all your wrapping paper.
No.
No, we won't.
No, he's got to learn to sell.
This is the best business training there is, hell, the best life training.
Manny, write this down-- "A good salesman goes after Moby Dick in a rowboat and brings the tartar sauce with him.
" Jay is always telling me to "Write this down.
" I don't always catch everything he says.
"Something, something, firm handshake.
" "Never take the first room they show you.
" Not sure who "They" is.
And this one just says "Pancakes.
" Cam, what's this scribble on the "Vanity fair" - about an adoption agency? - Oh, uh, yeah, they called to say they wanted to reschedule our home visit.
When? Why didn't you tell me? Th-this is kind of important.
Well, when does it say? Uh, well, who knows? It disappears into Jennifer Aniston's hair.
You gotta get a better system.
There is nothing wrong with my system.
Ask me anything about any upcoming event.
I can tell you when and where it is.
When is the adoption agency visit? Okay.
Is that a "5" or a curl? Oh, I hope Jen's finally found love.
What happened here? Well, Lily and I woke up in a french mood, so we decided to whip up some crepes.
When are you gonna be in the mood to wipe up some crepes? Oh, I know, it's a little messy, but - You know what? I'm gonna clean it up.
- Okay.
- I'll clean it up.
- Will you? - Just say what's on your mind.
- You never clean up.
Save the gasp.
Cam, whenever you get creative in the kitchen, I'm the one who ends up cleaning it up, okay? The homemade pizza, fondue, molecular gastronomy.
I'm still cleaning shrimp foam out of the curtains.
Okay, you know, Mitchell? Just go to work, okay? I'm gonna take Lily to school, and then when I get home, I'm gonna scrub this place like a crime scene, which it is, because you've murdered joy.
Hey, buddy.
What's up? Hey, dad.
Think fast.
Oh, my god! - Oh, my god! - Oh, my god! If we had that on tape, it'd be the greatest youtube video ever! We'd get, like, a million hits.
This is our double rainbow! We need to do it again.
Oh, I would, buddy, but, uh, your mom's all over me to change a bunch of lightbulbs.
How many moms does it take to screw on a lightbulb? - I don't know.
- None, 'cause they get you to do it, sucker.
I laughed, but It hurt a little.
We're home! - Us, too.
- Oh, great.
You're all here.
What's up, girl? Oh.
You know that really dangerous intersection? Where desire meets jealousy, and the result is murder? Mnh-mnh.
The one where I almost killed you this morning.
Oh, yeah.
Sorry.
That was my bad.
I got lost in my jams.
Dangerous combo-- speed walking and speedwagon.
Oh.
I wasn't even trying for that.
Nice.
Well, I am getting us a stop sign.
I called City Hall, and how is this for amazing? The traffic committee meets tonight.
I've got goosebumps.
I know, right? All I have to do is get 50 signatures, show up, make my case.
- It's on.
- I am so proud of you.
- We all are.
- Mm.
We love when mom gets on a project because usually the minute any of us walks in the door, she gives us something to do.
"Do your homework.
Clean your room.
" "Put on pants.
" Like the queen's coming over.
Am I right? So when she's not around or gets busy, Luke and I capitalize on the situation.
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