Ay,finally! look who's wearing her itsy bitsy bikini.
He can comment because he's raggay.
- He was talking about lily.
- So was i.
Ay,cam,you make her look so pretty.
- Guess who's not coming for christmas.
- And the spotlight shifts.
- Mom.
She cancelled.
- What? In a voice mail,no less.
Unbelievable-and by that,I mean believable.
Why isn't nana coming? I don't know.
Something about her new boyfriend whisking her away on a cruise.
- I just got my gift.
- What boyfriend? carl the cruise ship captain.
It was in her holiday newsletter.
Oh,I can't read that whole thing.
No.
Yeah,after two pages about the bird she rescued And by the way,I don't think you can say you rescued something if it dies.
- It died? - She wrote a poem about it.
A little too free with the free verse for my taste,but fine,we'll call it a poem.
I stopped reading after she talked about suing her book club.
Oh,I stopped reading after "dear friends,family and others " i'm sorry.
Who are "others"? - me.
- No,you're not Uh,maybe you are.
Actually,she's kind of at her best at christmas.
She makes a mean cookie.
What other kind could she possibly make? Aw,it's so sad that you guys are not gonna be with your mom this christmas.
- It's fine.
- Yeah,it's more than fine.
Let's just - Can we move off of mom? Yes,please.
Yeah,and the upside now,mitchell- We can spend christmas in missouri where it actually feels like christmas.
Wait.
Hang on a second.
Just because mom isn't coming doesn't mean we're not gonna spend christmas together.
I mean,it's about family.
Who do you think we're seeing in missouri,claire,the oak ridge boys? Hold on.
I thought we were all getting together christmas eve this year.
We're on a flight to mexico the 25th.
What do you mean,you're getting on a flight on the 25th? You two needed time with your mom.
- I've already served my time with your mom.
- Oh,dad.
- What? - Kids get snatched here just as much.
It happens all the time.
Don't be scared.
Now when you say "all the time" - okay,well what about next weekend? 'cause we don't leave till the 21st,right? Yeah,we leave tomorrow and we don't come back until the 21st.
Hey,math club,could you get me some more lemonade? Are we saying that this is the last time we're all gonna be together as a family until after the holidays? - And for you,maybe ever.
- Well,this stinks.
- Yeah,we can't do this.
This is not right.
- We always spend christmas together.
Yeah,we have to do something about it.
Ho,ho,hold up a sec.
We're all free today.
We've got four hours to shop,cook,wrap,get a tree.
By tonight,we could be celebrating christmas,right? I - I guess we could do that.
Of course we can! Have you ever heard of express christmas? No.
No,you haven't,because I just invented it.
Express christmas,"tm.
" - It's when you can't have it on christmas day - I got it.
- And you have to scramble.
- Get on with it! We're wasting time! We're wasting time! Everyone in the house! We'll make a plan! Time is of the-oh! Ow! Hot! Hot! It's just too hot! Oh,phil! Proudly Presents Season 3 Episode 10 - So we're really doing this,huh? - Yes.
'cause I had stuff lined up for christmas eve.
Yeah,jay.
It's manny's last chance to enjoy a family christmas.
Until next year,you mean.
- Well,with all the snatchings - Get out of my head,luke! Okay,who's gonna get the tree? Oh! I will.
I will.
Because,you know,get the wrong kind,people get upset.
- You get upset.
- I'm people.
Fine,I'll get the turkey.
What about gifts? - Jay,did we finish shopping? - Yeah,but we're not wrapped.
Oh,I can help with that.
We have a mobile wrapping station.
God,has that thing paid for itself.
Really? 'cause I feel like I paid for it.
Okay.
We've got lights and ornaments at our place.
Oh! You know what would be great? - Is the angel! - The angel.
Yeah.
Where is it? Oh.
Um,gloria,it's up in your attic.
Would you get it? Ay,no! Not the attic! it's dirty,and there are spiders.
Oh,but it really won't be christmas without it.
Won't be christmas with it.
It's december 16th.
Luke will help gloria.
He's not scared.
Oh,good.
You won't find me in any attic.
That may be exactly where they find you.
mom! Uh,I have a party tonight.
You promised I could go if I got a "b" on my test.
I studied.
I read stuff.
What was the point of all that? - The point,young lady,is for - Who can remember? Express christmas will be done by 9:00.
- Claire,I'll text you the gift list.
- Okay.
You and haley do the shopping.
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