[High-pitched scream]
Oh, Mitchell.
Are you awake?
Yeah, I think
the lady upstairs just screamed.
- Should we check on her?
- No, that was me.
Something terrible just
happened in the shower.
Oh, God.
What did you try to shave?
No, I forgot the words to
"Thank God I'm A Country Boy.
"
Okay, two minutes ago, I was on the
back of a snowmobile with Daniel Craig.
Mitchell, I sang that song
my entire childhood.
If I can't remember the lyrics,
that means I've lost
complete touch with my roots.
How could I let this happen?
Don't be so hard on yourself.
I'm not.
This is mostly your doing.
Should have seen that coming.
You have shamed the country boy out of me.
You roll your eyes when I say
"y'all" or "fixin'".
You made me take down our clothesline.
I just asked that we put it in the backyard.
You know what I have to do.
Relearn the lyrics to
Get a chicken.
So, apparently, there's no legal reason
why we can't have a chicken in our backyard,
and and I did a real deep dive.
Okay, so this is the kitchen,
which we recently remodeled.
- [Clucking]
- Get used to that.
Okay, this is the living room.
Okay, so, you and Mom will be in the chairs.
Me, Haley, and Luke will be on the couch.
And the interviewer will be right here.
Alex is up for a very
prestigious government job
that requires a family interview.
In case they bring one
of those memory zappers,
I've Sharpied all the pertinent
information on my arm
PIN numbers, et cetera.
Oh, honey, you don't think
that they're really going to
Oh, do not worry, little lady.
I got you covered.
If you really want to
impress the interviewer,
why don't you try casually leaving out
this completed New York Times crossword
that I found at the gym?
Why bring a knife to a gun fight?
How about I lay out the family heirloom?
1931.
Great-grandpa Ted Dunphy
is driving south from
Modesto one foggy evening.
He picks up a stranded motorist
and drives him to a gas station.
The man has no money,
so Ted pays for his gas.
The man thanks him with a quick
drawing on a cocktail napkin.
For you see, that man was Walt Disney.
And this familiar fellow is Mickey Mouse.
Yeah, no thanks on the heirloom
or the crossword, guys.
Let's keep it simple, okay?
Honey, relax.
You're awesome.
It's gonna go great.
Just as soon as we get this chair back
to where it's been ever since
we've lived in this house.
Mom, can you please
stop managing everything?
You mean like when she
cleaned my hat collection
out of the front closet
in case the interviewer
looked in there?
Honey, you never wore those hats,
and the charity was glad to get them.
Maybe you should have also
donated my dream of one day
going to the Kentucky Derby
or Easter at a black church.
Hey, Alex.
Quick tip.
Smile during the interview.
I've been learning a lot about
different personality types
in my psych course,
and you're kind of textbook borderline
all brains, no empathy.
You know, Luke, we are so very proud
of all the hard work you're doing,
and I look forward to hearing your insights
when you finish chapter two.
- But for now, maybe you could just put that book away.
- [Chair scraping]
No surprise you'd say that.
Controlling, obsessive
classic Commandant personality type.
Ooh, burn.
Oh, grow up, Haley.
Sadly, she can't.
Such is the plight of the
Peter Pan personality.
You're saying Haley refuses to grow up?
I don't believe that.
Which brings us to another type,
the Dreamer
head in the clouds,
tends to be naive, gullible.
I love that you're smart now.
That's your classic game-day breakfast
your carbs, fiber, your protein.
You throw a shot of brandy in there,
you'll be ready to play in the Ice Bowl.
I don't eat beets.
Never have, never will.
When you were 2,
you ate a dime and a butterfly.
Now your body is a temple?
He can eat a protein bar in the car.
We still have to pick up some
players that live far away.
Gloria, this is not okay.
It's legal.
They have P.
O.
boxes in the district.
And besides, everybody bends the rules.
I swear the goalie from the other team
has been my Uber driver.
Gloria, I'm trying to get the kid
to eat his vegetables.
I could use a little support.
Why aren't you dressed?
You're supposed to referee two games today.
I told you I don't want to do that!
I got my boxing match tonight.
Besides, those ref outfits are stupid.
Walk it off.
You're fine.
- Move it, Joe.
- You're not hearing that?
So, Haley, you tell us about Alex.
- Well, it was not easy sharing a room with a genius.
- [Chuckles]
She was always up reading and calculating,
but she also inspired me.
When I turned 21, I said,
"Haley, time to be your own woman,"
and I moved into the basement.
I'm sorry.
I don't I don't mean to interrupt,
but I just keep replaying
my answer to you about my parenting style.
Oh, don't give it a second thought.
But when I said I wanted to run away
and never come back, that was a joke.
- Yeah, absolutely.
- I know.
It's just that you wrote it down like
- Mom, let it go.
- Okay.
So, Alex, I see you spent
your summer in Honduras.
Any other travel that inspired
Mrs.
Dunphy?
If you could maybe just
make a little, like, L-O-L
next to my joke, so then it's super clear.
Australia, a camping trip to Costa Rica,
- and a month in Europe.
- Excellent.
Well, she does come
by her wanderlust honestly.
The kids here all know
about my high school trip
to the Soviet Union.
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所属电视剧:Modern Family
7. Did the Chicken Cross the Road? 全部台词 (一共 4 页)
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