1
[Groans]
Mnh! How can my babies be early?!
I've never been early to anything!
Maybe they're not mine!
I've always been faithful to you!
[Groaning]
Push, damn it!
I'm not losing another baby today.
- [Flatline]
- [Groaning]
Cardiac arrest.
Crash cart!
The shock could kill the baby!
[Paddles whine]
That's something I'll
just have to live with.
Maybe we could turn off the TV?
- Clear!
- [TV shuts off]
Well, folks,
I'm afraid I have some bad news.
- Oh, my God, no.
- N-No, not that bad.
I'm sorry.
I did not think that through.
No, you're not giving birth today.
You've had false contractions, known
as Braxton Hicks.
It's very common.
Uh, so what does that mean timing-wise?
It's no indication.
It could be five weeks from now,
could be five hours from now.
I suggest you and your husband go home,
get some sleep while you still can.
Oh, we're not married.
We're just lovers.
Ugh! Yuck.
She hates that word.
Grosses me out, too,
and I spend a lot of my
time covered in afterbirth.
Everything okay?
Um that was weird.
Those little people
with the full-size baby?
[Chuckles] No,
when the doctor called you my husband.
[Chuckles] Well,
people are gonna assume
No, it it was weird because I
liked it.
Seriously?
Because I proposed, like, six times.
I know.
I just
It seemed so old-fashioned at the time,
but when I thought that
the babies were coming,
I-I
Are you saying what I
think you're saying?
I'm gonna need a little help here.
Okay.
Okay, we're good.
[Exhales sharply]
Dylan Stardust Marshall, will you
Oh! Going over.
Okay.
Okay.
I'm fine.
I'm fine.
It's okay.
[Exhales sharply]
Will you marry me?
Oh, my God.
This is exactly how I imagined it.
I can't get in!
Damn it, Cam! We need those tickets!
- Come on, refresh.
- I am!
- Refresh like your life depends on it!
- I am!
Tonight is the L.
A.
premiere
of "Sophie's Choice: The Musical.
"
And [Sighs] it sold out in seconds,
but the theater reserved
a few amazing house seats
for an online lottery.
And there's a rumor
Meryl Streep is going
to be in the audience.
- Oh, my God.
- You have to feel for that poor actress playing Sophie.
It'd be like me sewing costumes
in front of Bob Mackie.
And the award for the gayest
thing ever said goes to
- I'm in!
- You are?!
- We have seats!
- Oh, my God! Oh, oh!
- Focus, focus.
- Okay, all right.
Okay, it's one of those
ticking clock things.
That's fine.
We just need my credit card.
Where's my wallet?
Where Where's my wall
- Where's my wallet?!
- Seriously? Again?
Cam, you have to leave it in one place!
I told you a thousand times!
Really? Now?
Okay, just use your credit card.
[Groans]
That's weird.
Okay.
I'm gonna be sick.
I'm gonna be sick!
- Here use mine.
- Oh! Thank you, sweetie.
- Okay.
- Okay.
All right.
[Muttering]
- Is this a sign?
- Yes! We are meant to see the show!
No, it's one of those CAPTCHA things.
Is that a road sign?!
- Yes!
- I don't know.
Yes.
- [Ding]
- Oh! Ohh! Aah!
[Laughing] Oh, my God!
Oh, thank you, sweetie.
You saved us.
- It's fine.
I needed the miles.
- Thank you.
Where's she off to?
- I'm sure it's fine.
- Okay.
How about this one?
You look gorgeous.
Now, remember
Okay, this is not my first time
impressing your business associates.
I know the drill.
Laugh at their jokes,
touch their arms
Yeah, and if he pees on the floor,
don't make a big deal out of it.
What is happening?
I quit the closet game
to become the king of high-end,
whimsical dog beds.
And to market them today, I'm hosting
social-media influencer Arthur Goodboy.
This little stud
has over 5 million
followers on the Instagram.
One photo of him with a
product can be a game-changer.
You made me change
three times for a dog?
He cannot even see this color!
They can sense the effort!
[Doorbell rings]
Welcome! Welcome.
I'm Jay Pritchett.
- Hello.
- This is my wife, Gloria.
Hello.
Orson Funt.
I'm sure everyone knows Arthur Goodboy.
Who doesn't? And I must admit,
I'm a little starstruck.
[Chuckles] Don't be.
He puts on his sweaters
one leg at a time.
[Laughter]
And this is Stella of
Dog Beds by Stella,
but I do most of the design.
Well.
She is beautiful
for a non-pro.
May I?
- Here you go.
- Yes.
- May I?
- Oh, yeah.
Thank you.
Oh, yes.
Present! Present.
Who's a lovely lady? [Giggles]
Who's a lovely lady?
Who's an elegant boy?
Who's an influencer?
Ooh, you are! You are!
[Laughs] Who's an influencer? You are!
You want to see the dog beds?
- Yes.
- Follow me.
He's a good father.
He's a good father.
Sir
a dog in a pineapple? [Laughs]
- Love!
- I call that one "Puppy Colada.
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