1
- [Stella panting]
- The vet called.
Stella's test results came back.
He wants me to bring her in today.
Oh, no.
Come here, you.
Oh, Jay, I'm so sorry.
That is the bad thing about
loving animals, right?
But think about all the
wonderful things you gave her,
like a beautiful home, delicious food
- [Lid thuds]
- our marital bed.
I'm sorry, Jay,
Stella will not be forgotten.
I'm not putting her down, you goblin.
She needs a surgery.
Oh.
That is such great news.
Oh, what's wrong with Stella?
She has an elongated soft palate,
which is why sometimes it's
hard for her to breathe.
And she snores a lot.
Any chance that they can do you, too?
This is a serious operation.
They have to put her out.
What happens if she doesn't wake up?
What would I do?!
When I got my wisdom teeth out,
you made me walk the last
four blocks to the dentist
so you could get an Egg McMuffin
before the 10:30 cut-off.
You're gonna have to let that go.
You know what? I'm not gonna do it.
- She seems fine.
- Maybe she just needs
some fresh air to breathe better.
Why don't we take her to the dog park?
That's a great idea.
Might be a little muddy out there.
I'm gonna get your boots, gorgeous.
Thank you.
My boots are in the closet,
next to the
Was he just talking to Stella?
Come here, you.
Crown molding wainscoting,
crown molding wainscoting,
French door credit score,
French door credit score.
You warming up for a big showing?
Very big.
I finally found Pepper his dream house.
I can't believe you're still
letting that man waste your time.
How many houses have you shown him?
Pfft, only, like
I don't know, like, uh, 120.
But we have fun.
He's a hoot.
Honey, even Mitch and Cam
agree that he's impossible,
and he's never gonna buy a house.
- Yes, he will.
- No.
He always manages to
find something wrong.
The last house, the yoga room
was too close to the panic room.
He was willing to live with that,
but the property wasn't
zoned for his falcons.
This one today, though,
checks every single box.
Great.
So if Pepper doesn't
buy the house today,
you agree to stop letting
him string you along
and drop him as a client.
How long did you string me
along before I closed that deal?
Honey, you can't get Pepper pregnant
- and trap him in a house.
- You're on.
You remember you need to be home
- by 5:00, right?
- Yeah.
Wait, why?
Alex's boyfriend, Bill,
has cooked up some invention
he wants us to invest in.
Why us?
Because someone inspired him.
As you can see, my patent-pending
Wear-Chair TM, barely noticeable.
- I love it.
- Whenever I get tired of standing,
all I have to do press this button.
A spring-loaded leg jets out to
provide me with a comfy seat.
[Grunts]
You put it on backwards, didn't you?
[Strained] My point is, Bill,
there's a great invention
inside all of us.
Please, just be home in time.
I don't want to crush a
man's dreams on my own.
You have to do it with me.
Who knows? We might love his invention.
It's gonna be stupid.
Good thing you weren't
married to George Foreman
or we'd still be grilling
our meats one side at a time.
Mm.
So, Lily, how how are you today?!
Lily?!
[Snaps fingers] Lily.
Your father was just
asking how you're doing.
Are Are you all right?
- I'm fine.
- Okay.
Yeah.
[Whispering] Okay, uh
I gestured you over here
'cause we need to talk about Lily.
Yes, I puzzled that out.
Also, you don't need to whisper.
Watch.
Honey,
your father and I may get divorced
because he's thinking
about becoming a woman.
That explains a lot.
- I'm in between songs.
- Okay, all right.
Now out.
This way.
What is going on with her?
I don't want to be shut
out like this another day.
I know, but let's
let's not get hysterical.
I'm not getting hysterical.
- We're minutes away.
- Fair enough.
I just want to see her smile.
Yeah, okay,
I'm gonna text Ronaldo again.
Hopefully he got us into
that KimmyLoveandStuff party.
KimmyLoveandStuff is
an Internet sensation
- that Lily loves.
- Yeah.
- Boom!
- She tries on clothes,
she cries about bullies and plastic.
You guys, just imagine
if you were a turtle and
this happened to you.
Our whole family is obsessed with her.
And that's the great
thing about a tween girl
having two gay dads.
I mean, we we love the same things.
Cute guys, fashion, gossip.
- [Whoosh]
- Oh, my God! Ronaldo, he got us in!
- Amazing.
- [Laughs]
Okay, we have to get him
a thank-you gift.
No, no, he owes you, okay?
You gave him your bone marrow.
Well, how could I not?
He was still hungry,
and I wasn't gonna eat any more of it.
And we make our way back
to the formal entryway,
which, according to your checklist,
"must be large enough
to make people swoon
when they step inside.
"
I want to do it again.
Ugh, that Pepper claims to be wealthy,
but I don't believe it for a
[Gasps] Oh, my heavens!
- We're peasants.
- [Laughs]
It's got everything on your list
piano bar, his and his dining rooms,
plus a view of Rihanna's roof,
which I never quite understood.
I did a party for her once,
and I could feel
those judgy Barbadian
eyes looking down on me.
Now who's looking down on who, RiRi?
Like they say, location,
location, vengeance.
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