[Claire] Those pancakes smell great.
What are you doing with those? Luke and I are doing a recycling drive.
If we collect enough bottles, they build a school in Africa.
Wouldn't that be so cool to go to a school made out of bottles? That would certainly be a special school.
Did you hear what I said, parents? "Special school"? Okay, nobody make a big deal about it, but I just broke up with Dylan.
No! Oh, my gosh.
Are you okay, honey? Yeah, I'm fine.
I just- I need to date someone who has a clue, instead of an idiot who bangs his head every time he rides his bike out of his garage- every time! I'm sorry, honey.
I'm sorry for both of you.
I'll have to text him later.
Mmm.
I gotta jump in the shower.
I'm gonna be late.
- Where are you going? - I'm going to meet my friend Valerie.
I haven't seen her in 15 years.
We used to work together.
- You worked? - Mm-hmm.
Can't imagine you working.
Luke, let me tell you something.
That is very offensive to women.
Your mom works very hard.
It's just now she works for us.
I will have you know that I had quite the little career going.
I was an account manager at Starcrest Hotels.
I had a little cubicle, and-and I wore my tennis shoes to work and changed into my work pumps.
Itwas very Working Girl.
That movie's so clutch.
Mm-hmm.
I don't mind saying I was making quite a splash.
- Well, then, why'd you quit? - Well, Haley, call me old-fashioned, but I wanted to focus on raising a family.
So I married your dad.
Five months later, we were four months away from having this little bundle of joy.
Mm-hmm.
There's my lawyer.
Gloria got into a little car accident, so my dad asked me to help her out.
And, uh, this is the first time that my dad's asked me for legal advice, and it's- it's nice.
It's nice to know that he respects me in that way.
Well, Mitchell is an amazing lawyer.
Oh.
My dream for him is that one day he'll be on the Supreme Court.
Why, Cam? So at parties I can tell everyone my partner is one of the Supremes.
There he is- the steely, grizzled veteran ready to do battle with the plucky upstart.
Speed versus grace.
Brute force versus- - Let's just do this.
- [Cameron] Jay and I are both gym rats.
I love the sauna.
That's the dry heat.
And the steam, wet.
And, of course, I am just a kook for racquetball.
Club champ two years in a row, Tonganoxie, Missouri Rec Center.
So, naturally, Jay and I have been trying for months to get together to bang the old hollow rubber ball around.
I have been avoiding this day like the plague.
I mean, part of going to the gym is the locker-room atmosphere.
And if I'm there with a gay guy, it's-it's just not gonna be the same.
I mean, for me, it's a locker room.
For him, it's a showroom.
She doesn't get it.
[Man] Hey, hey Hey, hey Hey, hey Hey, hey Hey Driving in my car I'll let you see my scar - What the hell? - [Car Door Opens] Some people call me a salesman.
I call myself a sales friend.
So obviously, I need strangers to trust me.
I don't take kindly to it when someone Tom Sellecks my bus bench.
[Beeps] Phil Dunphy.
Phil, it's Barbara.
The Pattersons wanna back out of the deal.
Why? What happened? The wife's getting cold feet.
I told her to call you.
Okay, fine.
I'll handle it.
I'm not losing this sale.
By the way- I've spent way too much time on it.
Phil, do you take Elm when you come to work? I saw it, Barbara.
[Phone Beeps] It's a terrific gym, Jay.
Very liberal with the towels.
I love that.
Showers are private, in case you wondered.
I wasn't, but thanks for the heads-up.
Now, that's a surprise.
Boxers.
Is that necessary? Well, I just always pictured you as a tighty-whitey guy.
Well, do me a favor.
The next time you picture me, leave the underwear out of it.
Well, don't you worry.
The only thing I'm picturing is how clean the floor's gonna be when I'm done mopping it with you.
[Chuckling] Is that the best you can do? 'Cause it's gonna take a little more than some lame trash talk to get me out of my- Gaah! What the hell was that? Our butts pressed against each other.
They didn't press.
It was glancing.
Stop talking about it! All the time you've spent in a locker room, this can't be your first moon landing.
- You got a name for it? - It's very common.
You got off easy.
At least it didn't happen after a shower.
Enough.
We call that a splashdown.
That's it.
I'm changing in the stall.
Excuse me! I saw the picture, Dylan.
You had your arm around her with that humpy look you get.
No, that's not always how you look.
We're over! [Phone Beeps] So, I'd really like to talk to you, Mrs.
Patterson, see if we can't turn this thing around.
Uh, you've got my number.
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