Where are my wise men? Taking the A train.
Mike, what are the wise men doing on the train track? Hey, they're wise men.
They must know what they're doing.
Mike, come on.
It's a miracle.
Mike.
We three kings We know what we like Spending Christmas With our friend Mike Ben, stop that.
You'll get to open one present after dinner.
But I thought you said everyone's Christmas-Eve present would have a big, red bow on it.
It will.
Well, everyone has one with a big, red bow on it except me.
Well, maybe we should tell him the truth, guys.
What truth? Well, Ben, you're adopted and Santa doesn't know your new address.
- Mom! - Mike.
The only one of us kids who's adopted is Mike.
I'm not adopted.
Not yet.
My present's definitely not here.
Well, Ben, maybe Santa just hasn't brought it yet.
Come on.
There's no such thing as Santa.
Hey, Ben, you know that for a fact? Okay.
Okay, I tell you what.
I'll go get myself some Christmas cookies, and who knows? Maybe Santa will decide this is the perfect opportunity to bring my present.
Know what I mean? So, when are you guys gonna pick it up? Around 4:00.
He's gonna be so excited.
So, Jason, how excited am I gonna be about my present? Well, that depends.
Have you been naughty, or have you been nice? I've been nice and naughty.
Santa likes it when you talk like that.
- Hey, everybody! It's snowing.
- Oh, all right! - All right, on Christmas! - Oh, yeah! Look at that.
Oh, it's beautiful.
You know, Christmas is sort of neat I mean, just the five of us hanging out in a nice, warm house, kind of getting into the spirit.
- Mike? - Mike? Hey, you think I like being obnoxious all the time? Yeah, I guess I do.
I'll get it.
What did we do to be blessed with such a child? Dad, it's one of your patients.
Mr.
Bodewell! I think the suit looks great.
I gotta talk to you, Doc.
Aren't you supposed to be playing Santa down at the orphanage? - I can't go through with that.
- Why not? Watch this.
Ho, ho.
Let's talk.
Walter, when I saw you last week you were so excited about playing Santa for those kids at the orphanage.
What happened? Doc, the kids are gonna hate me.
Now, why should they hate you? Same reason everybody hates me.
I make people uncomfortable.
Look at you.
You're fidgeting.
I'm not fidgeting.
Okay, now, Walter, what's the one thing in your life that bothers you the most? Those little subscription cards that fall out of magazines.
Walter.
- Being alone.
- Yes.
And don't you think those kids at the orphanage are Ionely, too? Yeah, but I don't know how to talk to kids, Doc.
Well, relax.
Just be yourself.
You'll know what to say.
Well, I've been kicking around a few things.
Good.
Imagine you've just come into the orphanage and you're surrounded by all those happy little faces and what do you say? "To whom it may concern "it has come to my attention that tomorrow is Christmas.
"Consequently, I bring items in conjunction with" Walter, I wonder if, as an accountant, you might have a tendency to be I know, I know.
Too formal.
Walter, I don't know that that much talk is expected of Santa.
I might just go with something more traditional.
You know, like, "Ho! Ho! Ho! Boy, do I have gifts for you!" You have obviously worked with children.
Come on, Walter.
You'll be fine.
Oh, Doc, I don't even know if I brought the right gifts.
You can't go wrong with kids.
They love gifts.
See what you got here.
Ground beef? Go ahead.
Say it.
I should've bought pork.
Well, that's a close call, Walter.
Come on.
What else have you got? Tupperware.
Sure, I thought it goes with the beef.
You know, they'll use it to mix up some Swedish meatballs or The gifts are wrong.
Doc, I wanna give these kids something that's gonna make them happy but I don't know what to bring.
Walter, I'm gonna throw out something kind of crazy now.
Toys.
Toys? Toys.
Doc, that is so crazy, that just might work.
Here.
You guys can't fool me.
You're going to get my present.
- Nonsense, Ben, we're going to the - Blacksmith.
Carol needs new shoes.
Actually, we're going to return all of Mike's gifts.
- You take his Porsche.
- What? Oh, you guys.
Come on.
Just tell me what my present is.
That's between you and Santa.
I'm getting pretty sick of this particular folk hero.
- I wouldn't say that too loudly.
- Bye, guys.
- All right, bye-bye.
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