After centuries as a delivery boy, nothing surprises me.
You stink, loser.
Hey, Fry! Pizza going out! Come on! All right.
I'll take the Red Rocket.
Hello! Pizza delivery for D.
Frosted Wang.
Not another crank delivery! Why don't I read these things ahead of time? One time was funny.
But every week for 10 years? Not as funny.
True, not as funny.
But, still, somewhat funny.
And then they burst out laughing a second time.
I've been a delivery boy for a thousand years.
Isn't there any room for promotion around here? There'll be no promotions unless somebody dies.
And even then, only if we can't bring them back as a zombie, like Scruffy.
Life and death are a seamless continuum.
Well, could I at least get some encouragement? I could use a shot in the arm.
I got shot in the leg! Roberto! What are you doing here? What? A fella can't drop in on old friends and hold them hostage? I'm good.
And you? Attention, criminal robot in the building! Come out with your hands up! Never! Other guy.
Listen up, piggies, I want a hovercopter, and an unmarked sandwich, and a new face with, like, a Hugh Grant look.
And every five minutes I don't get it, someone's going to get stabbed in the ass! He's bluffing.
Ouch! He's not bluffing! You call for a chopper? No, I specifically said hovercopter! One chopper coming up.
Hiya! All right! Way to go.
You know, URL, sometimes it's almost too much for me.
You mean, the respect we get? And the high level of job satisfaction? There's that, but I'm also talking about the non-stop promotions and the free hot rod.
I do love a man in uniform.
I mean, a uniform that doesn't involve short pants.
I can see I have no future here.
My only option is to resign with dignity.
Here are my shorts.
Hello.
I'd like to enroll in Police Academy.
You think you can just waltz in here with no pants and become a cop? That's the plan.
I like you, kid.
I got no pants on, either.
I can see that.
You're quite a bit taller than me.
Welcome to Police Academy.
Hi, I'm Fry.
I'm the Sound Effects 5000.
Wow.
That would be impressive if you were a human.
Yeah.
On your feet for Chief O'Manahan.
At ease, cadets.
I'll make this short and sweet, 'cause I'm PMSing like a lumberjack.
Police Academy is not for everybody.
You're gonna get your boob scuffed.
But if you've got the vulva to stick it out, I'll be proud to call you ladies "policemen.
" Sir! Yes, ma'am! Yeah.
That's great.
Now, can you actually turn on the ignition? I don't have any hands.
Well, it's that time of the month.
Graduation day.
So grow a pair and put them together for our new officers! Hooray for the pigs! Graduates, you are hereby officially cops.
Now move it along, nothing to see here.
Hooray! Free sky sticks! Police brutality! Nice.
All right.
Before we head out, I'll be teaming up our new officers with their ironically matched partners.
Sound Effects 5000, you'll be with Cranski.
My tinnitus! Fry, due to the unfortunate loss of Officer Smith, you'll be riding with URL.
And Smitty was just a few days from retirement.
What happened? He took a early retirement.
Damn.
Let's get down to business.
Aren't you going to say, "Good news, everyone"? I just said that for Fry's benefit.
Made the poor fellow feel better about his pointless job.
As much as I miss him, he didn't really serve much purpose around here.
Though he did walk Zoidberg.
In any case, I've improved on Fry by sticking some wheels on a board, so Leela and Bender can easily make the next delivery without him.
Neat.
So, where we going? Pandora.
That dangerous Can't we just send our avatars? No, it's cheaper just to have you die.
Whoa! Fifteen miles over the speed of light.
That's a violation of the law of Lorentz invariance, baby.
Light 'em up.
Look out for that particular individual! An electric wall, eh? I can't see the harm in peeing on that.
Whoa! Where'd my man learn that? Sunny D commercial.
Let's refract this sucker.
DNA and career chip, please.
Erwin Schrà dinger, huh? What's in the box, Schrà dinger? A cat, some poison and a cesium atom.
The cat, is it allve or dead? Alive or dead? Answer him, fool.
It's a superposition of both states until you open it and collapse the wave function.
Says you.
There's also a lot of drugs in there.
So, you're a robot? You boys did good.
Nailed a major violator of the laws of physics.
He's going down.
Cat's gonna testify.
Guys like this really bust my uterus.
You're both getting a promotion.
Ever heard of the Future Crimes Division? Tomorrow, I have.
Oops.
I can't make out a thing.
Well, I guess you should have had two eyes.
Just deliver the package, and let's get out of here.
Screw that! I ain't no delivery boy.
I'm the company chef.
You're the chef, are you? Then why don't you make us something nice to eat? Here's your damn peanut butter and jelly sandwich! Now that we can predict crimes with 99% accuracy, we can arrest most perpetrators before they even perpetrate anything.
That's ridiculous.
Only horoscopes can predict the future.
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