Bend Her Welcome to the games of the 3004 Earth olympiad! Continuing this network's tradition of sportscasting excellence.
Celebrity Ape Fight will return next week at its regular time.
Who should I root for? America? Or a country I learned about at the food court? How about those guys? No.
They're from the Republic of French Stereotypes.
Everybody hates them.
Oh.
Let's go check on Hermes.
All this inspiring multiculturalism is angrying up my blood! Sweden? I don't think so.
Go on, stick, touch me.
Can't do it.
Husband! You haven't been an Olympic-class limbo-er for 20 years! Quit Iying to your pudgy self.
It seems like Jamaica would be able to field a strong limbo team without you.
Yeah.
Isn't that basically all Jamaicans do? Jamaicans have other interests! Which is why the limbo team got detained at the airport.
That's when they begged my husband to step in and make an ass out of himself.
And I said I'd try my very best.
But have they seen your, you know, physique since the old days? I described it to them on the phone using a series of artfuI euphemisms.
Don't worry.
The fat pig will do fine thanks to this Flabbo-Dynamic Spandex Body Suit I've designed.
It redistributes his weight, shifting his center of gravity closer to his knees.
Ooh, that's snug.
Oh! - Those haven't descended in years! - Now, that's a limbo-er's body! Look at that fine Jamaican bacon! Shut up, Zoidberg! The robot bending events are starting.
Something tells me I could easily beat those trained professionals.
Wow! That guy must be, like, the world's greatest bender! My dreams of glory died before they began.
Welcome to my life.
Athletes, please take your lanes for the Men's 500 Meter Limbo.
Hermes Conrad, is that you inside that dumpy little fat man? Barbados Slim! What are you doing here? - Last time I heard, you were in Barbados.
- Yes, and I'll be going back there with a gold medaI draped around my elegant Caribbean shoulders.
Your body may be as perfectly sculpted as it was 20 years ago when you whupped my fat ass every time.
But today, I feeI lucky.
I see you're still able to limbo under the bar of fashion sense.
That's it, Barbados Slim! You've gone one toke over the line! Limbo-ers, on your marks.
Get rubbery.
Limbo! There they go! And Barbados Slim takes an early lead.
God, I hope he wins.
What's this? Hermes Conrad is closing the gap.
He's limboed out of retirement and straight into my heart.
I say, "Go to hell, Barbados Slim!" - Go, body suit! Go! - Come on! Come on, Hermes! Beat that mahogany god! It's Barbados, then Conrad.
Conrad pulls ahead.
And Conrad is disqualified! Barbados Slim, my hero, takes the gold! Oh, there, there, Hermes.
You did your best.
If I'd wanted a human adonis for a husband I'd have stayed married to Barbados Slim.
Well, enough about Hermes.
I couldn't win a medaI either.
Even at bending, the thing I was built to do.
I'm so embarrassed.
I wish everybody else was dead.
Up next, the Fem-bot Bending Competition.
Fem-bots? Methinks a clever man-bot, suitably disguised might win those events.
But the charade would require subtlety, nuance, grace.
What do you mean I'm not registered? My name is Coilette, and I'm from Robonia.
- Coilette's a chick's name.
- Yes.
But "Robonia" sounds like something somebody made up on the spot.
Ever been beaten up by a guy dressed like a chick? Yeah.
And it's straight! Coilette wins! Another gold medal for the spunky maid from Robonia! A perfect bend and a flawless entry.
No splash at all! Perfect scores! A record five gold medals for Coilette! I'm great! Everybody else sucks! Except that guy Bender.
He's really something.
All medalists report for gender testing.
You actually thought they'd let you walk away without an engine-oiI sex check? Oh, God! I'm not gonna get my medals! They're all I have to remember my Olympic career! Wait! I've got it! - Professor, make a woman out of me! - Oh, I think we should just stay friends.
I don't need friends! I need a sex-change operation, and give it to me now! Bender, a robot sex change is a complex and dangerous procedure.
Replacing your testoster-oiI with fem-bot lubricants can cause wild mood swings.
And the effects may be irreversible.
- Well, let's get started.
- No! You can't! If you have even the slightest respect for the dignity of women- Pfft.
I'm sorry, ladies, but I must do this.
Not for you.
Not for Bender.
But for the proud people of Robonia! Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
I can't watch this 'cause it's creepy and wrong and sick.
- However, I will watch out of curiosity.
- Quiet! I'm about to begin the process of reshaping Bender's body into a tender, delicate form.
Ow! Ow! Ow! Oh! Hey! Draining male oiI.
Infusing female oiI.
Removing item.
We can't wait for Coilette any longer! I have to get home to watch The Zombie osbournes.
I'm ready for my test now, boys.
Hail, hail Robonia A land I didn't make up Yeah, come on, baby.
Take that.
Goodness.
Oh, yeah, baby.
Come on.
Work your cans.
Now, shake it out.
I don't know which I'm more: enraged or disgusted.
I'm just out there making us ladies look good.
Snuh-uh.
You're making us look like jerks in front of the other genders! - You're not really a lady anyway, right? - Of course not.
Dear Lord, a coaster! The FemmzoiI must be sashaying girlishly into your processor.
Then change me back.
My breasts are keeping me awake at night anyway.
Ooh-ooh! Hello? What? A guest spot on Late Night With Humorbot 5.
0? I'd love to! My own limo? No, I don't have my own limo.
You'd better send one.
I need a rain check on that nad swap, professor.
I'm going on TV.
Come on, Fry.
Help me pick out a pantsuit.
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