Put Your Head on My Shoulders Four score and 1145 years ago our forefathers' foreheads|conceived a new nation.
This Presidents' Day, we honor the|values my body fought and died for.
Values like this new Plymouth V'ger.
I'm Malfunctioning Eddie and I'm malfunctioning so badly,|I'm giving these cars away! Let's go car shopping! My parents said|if I got B's, they'd buy me a bar.
I got all C's! Mind if I tag along?|My ass needs servicing.
This says it could catch fire|in a collision.
No wonder you're|at the end of conga lines.
I'll get my coat.
Let's go, Bender.
I'm Victor, and I know many things|about the art of unloading fine cars on beautiful women.
Now tell us she's witty|and sophisticated.
A gentleman always|sells a lady a car first.
This is a Beta Romeo.
|Yes, the Beta Romeo.
Note the cross-your-heart seat belt.
|It protects, lifts and separates.
Spotted her when you walked in, huh?|She's a beauty.
Yeah, beautiful coffee.
No, the Ford Thunder|Cougar Falcon Bird! Nothing makes you feel|more like a man.
- How much do you want to spend?|- I'm not buying.
I see you don't care if people|question your sexual orientation.
I do, but I don't know how|to make them stop! Thunder Cougar Falcon Bird.
The seats are stuffed|with eagle down the dash inlaid|with beaks of eagles.
There are eagles|under the floorboards.
- That's an awful lot of eagle.
|- Yes.
And yet - What's wrong?|- The luxury edition has more eagle.
- It's sad to think you're missing out.
|- Oh, don't be sad.
My parents are paying|and they're incredibly rich.
I installed bumpers to reduce|the risk of butt failure.
You, sir, have defaced|a national treasure! I demand you restore my buttocks|to their former glory! All right, but that ass is gonna blow,|and when it does I pray you're not mooning|someone you care about.
This car has everything|a beautiful woman like me needs.
Victor said so.
No dog food for Victor tonight! The sticker says $55,000.
|But we'll only go as high as, say Sixty thousand! I'll have to ask my manager.
- You don't go above the sticker price.
|- I thought it was an auction.
- He is not too happy.
|- I'm sorry.
Eighty thousand? I'm terrible at parallel parking.
You're asking for a day off?|Get out of my sight! You're bogarting my patience.
Who were you yelling at? I asked me for Valentine's Day off.
|I was in no mood for my shenanigans.
Valentine's Day's coming?|I forgot to get a girlfriend again.
- Since we have no dates, we should|- You assume I can't get a date? How about 8:00? I'm taking my new car to Mercury.
|Wanna come? - Okay.
How's the weather?|- The usual.
Boiling lead, lava.
So, what? Shorts? Boy, this a/c is incredible.
|I better turn on the heater too.
This heater is incredible!|I better turn up the a/c some more.
- How about some icy margaritas?|- Yeah! - We're slowing down!|- I'll hit the fuel guzzler! Who wants Pop-Tarts? It's okay.
I have an emergency phone.
- What are you doing?|- It's a videophone.
I'm in the Astro-Afro-|Antarctico-Amerasian Auto Association.
Hello? Septuple A? lt'll be a couple hours.
Oh, I'm gonna get sweat|on my sweat suit.
You're rich.
How come you dress|like you're doing your laundry? My parents tell me|to be more ladylike.
As though.
My folks were always on me to wear|underpants.
What am I, the pope? If you were, they'd be all,|"Straighten your pope hat" and "Put on your good vestments.
" It's nice to find someone|I can talk to about stuff, and junk.
It's like we feel the same way|about junk and stuff, or whatever.
- While they tow us, you wanna do it?|- Yeah! Which concludes the summary|of the movie I saw.
- Any old business?|- No.
- Any new business?|- No.
- Anyone sleep together?|- No.
- Yep.
|- Kind of.
- What?|- Oh, my God! - One thing led to another.
|- It led there again when we got home.
You snagged the perfect girlfriend.
Amy's rich, she's probably|got other characteristics Bender, romance isn't about money.
It's coincidence that Zoidberg is|desperately poor and miserably lonely? Please! For your information,|it's because he's hideous.
They go together like|a lime and a coconut.
- Do I hear wedding bells?|- What? No! Really? Oh, dear.
You're both very lucky.
I'd pay|to end my miserable loneliness.
If I weren't so desperately poor.
People will pay good money|for romance? I have a scheme|so deviously clever that l - $500 and time served.
|- Stupid anti-pimping laws.
Well, pay the man! - Honey, we love you!|- Shut up, baby, I know it! Computer dating.
Like pimping,|but you rarely say "upside your head.
" - Why would anyone ask you for help?|- Don't make me go upside your head! Fry? Amy? Put your pants back on!|I need a stapler! If you disrupt the mating dance the male will maul us|with his fearsome gonad.
It's working.
|They think we're making out.
- Why aren't we making out?|- I don't know.
- Okay, Mister?|- Smith.
Zapp Smith.
Brannigan.
Check off what you look for|in a mate.
Let's see.
Oh, yes.
Yes, definitely.
I'd like some of that.
I'll just have everything on the menu.
I'll run it through our high-speed|Romance-A-Logical Datafier.
- Say hello to Miss Right.
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