Monica, that was the best Thanksgiving dinner ever.
It was so good.
I think you killed us.
I couldn't possibly eat another bite.
I need something sweet.
Does anyone want to watch TV? Monica, your remote doesn't work.
You have to lift it and point.
Oh, forget it.
Let's play that game where everyone says one thing they're thankful for.
I am thankful for this beautiful fall we've been having.
Very nice.
The other day, I was at the bus stop and this lovely fall breeze came and blew this chick's skirt up.
Which reminds me, I'm also thankful for thongs.
The One with the Thanksgiving Flashbacks It's not so much an underpant as a feat of engineering.
It's amazing how much they can do with so little material.
And they play with your mind.
Is it there? Is it not there? Are you aware that you're still talking? Is anyone thankful for anything else besides a thong? I don't know.
Am I more thankful for my divorce or my eviction? And I didn't think you'd be able to come up with anything.
I'm sorry.
This is the worst Thanksgiving ever.
I am the king of bad Thanksgivings.
You can't swoop in with your bad marriage and take that away from me.
You're not going to tell about your parents' divorce again, are you? Come on! I want to hear it.
It wouldn't be Thanksgiving without Chandler bumming us out.
It's a tradition, like the parade.
If the parade decided it was gay and abandoned its family.
Now, Chandler, dear just because we're getting a divorce doesn't mean we don't love you.
It just means he would rather sleep with the houseboy than with me.
More turkey, Mr.
Chandler? Every time you tell that story, that guy's accent gets thicker and thicker.
So are he and your dad still together? No.
After they got their own place, the houseboy got his own houseboy.
Should have heard his accent.
You're right, yours is worse.
You're the king of bad Thanksgivings.
I've got one that's worse.
Really? Worse than, "More turkey, Mr.
Chandler?" Did the little rich boy have a problem with the butler? Yes, mine's worse! More bandages! More bandages! Please, can I get some more bandages in here? This man is In this life, Phoebe.
Oh, this life.
Oh, okay.
No, Chandler's is worse.
It must be cool remembering stuff like that.
I don't have any past-life memories.
Of course, you don't, sweetie.
You're brand-new.
I know Monica's worst Thanksgiving.
Let's not tell this story.
I know! It's the one where Joey got Monica's turkey stuck on his head.
Joey got a turkey stuck on his head? It's not like it sounds.
It's exactly like it sounds.
What's going on? Oh, my God! I know! It's stuck! Step.
How did it get on? I put it on to scare Chandler.
Oh, my God! Monica's going to totally freak out! Help me get it off! Plus, it smells really bad in here.
Of course it smells bad.
You have your head up a dead animal's ass.
Did you get the turkey? Oh, my God! Who is that? It's Joey.
Is this supposed to be funny? It's not supposed to be funny.
It's supposed to be scary.
Get that off now! I can't.
It's stuck! It has to feed 20 people.
They're not going to eat it off your head! Hold on.
Let's just all think.
I got it! You pull.
I'll spread the legs as wide as I can.
Now is not the time.
Count to three.
One two three! It worked! I scared you! I knew it! I'm here, big guy.
Yeah, you are! I scared you! You did look like an idiot.
I wasn't the only one who looked like an idiot.
Remember when Ross tried to say "butternut squash" and it came out, "squatternut bosh"? Yeah, that's the same.
That's it.
That's my worst Thanksgiving.
That can't be the one Rachel meant.
She didn't even know that happened.
So, what's yours? I really don't want to tell this story.
Reliving pain and getting depressed is what Thanksgiving's all about.
For me, anyway.
And, of course, the lndians.
Of all people, you do not want me to tell this story.
What is that supposed to mean? -Monica, I think Rachel's here! -I'll get it! Happy Thanksgiving! Not for me.
Chip and I broke up.
Why? What happened? My parents are out of town, and Chip was going to come over.
And you were going to give him your "flower.
" Monica, can you just call it sex? It really creeps me out when you call it that.
And by the way while we're at it, a guy's thing is not called his "tenderness.
" Believe me.
Happy Thanksgiving.
Everyone this is Chandler.
My roommate and lead singer of our band.
This is Monica.
I'm Ross' little sister.
I'm so glad you could come.
We've got plenty of food, so I hope you're hungry.
Chandler hates Thanksgiving and doesn't eat any Thanksgiving food.
I'm so glad you brought him here.
I can make you some macaroni and cheese for dinner.
As long as the Pilgrims didn't eat it.
Damn it! Does it feel weird around here now? You know, since I've been away at college? Not really.
That's cool.
So that's Rachel, the girl you've been writing all those songs about? Might want to rethink the lyrics to "She Feels Weird Since I've Been Gone.
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